Yeah, it's a vague Doctor Who reference that many readers aren't going to understand. The point, though, is that even the good guy lies, even the hero lies, even somebody we love, trust, and respect will lie. Everybody lies. Oh, now don't get your panties into a twist declaring that you're not a liar, that you are an honest person! You may be a very honest person, as people go, but you still tell lies. They may not be big lies, you may call them "White Lies", but that's a weak rationalization. A lie is any time that you don't tell the actual truth, no matter your intentions.
That outfit looks fine.
You don't look a day over 25.
We took Fido/Kitty to a farm.
Your art project looks wonderful.
That hair color looks totally natural.
Nobody will notice that zit.
I thought the speed limit was 55 mph through here.
No, I never tried pot.
I've never looked at porn.
I've never stolen anything.
I've never copied somebody's homework.
I've never cheated on a test.
I've never lied about my sources in the bibliography.
I've had many sexual conquests.
I'm practically a virgin.
No, I've never tried that.
Yes, I always wear my seatbelt.
Yes, I vacuumed under the couch.
The dog knocked it over and broke it.
I don't know how that happened.
I have no idea who ate the last cookie.
It's fine.
There's nothing to worry about.
I'm fine.
So how many of those sound familiar? Oh yeah.....and you can add to that list the lies you tell and the lies you have been told. Lies are just part of the fabric that holds society together. If we all went around telling the absolute truth every time we were ever asked something it would quickly descend into angry chaos. We have a variety of words for people who don't hold back and are completely honest, or try to be: blunt, harsh, rude, mean, asshole, and more. So let's not be holier-than-thou and pretend that lying is always a bad thing, that all lies are wrong. Who made up that rule, anyway? That all lies are bad and only total honesty is good? It's an impossible standard! All things in moderation, even honesty.
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Monday, July 20, 2015
Confessions Of A Teenagers Mom
Yes, I'm a mom. In the online world when a woman declares herself a mother it seems that the automatic assumption is that she has small children around. Somehow, once they no longer need 24/7 monitoring we are expected to disappear, go away, sit quietly in the back of the mommy rooms and keep to ourselves.
HA! No way! I didn't go through nearly 15 years of motherhood to have some newbie tell me I'm old news! So here are a few things that I, and some other mothers of teenagers, have learned.
Oh, yes. Just because they can cook on the stove, work the washing machine, and know how to fix my computer when it's just beyond my skill, doesn't mean I am obsolete. Yes, he knows not to wear a blue shirt with black jeans. Yes, he knows how to mow the lawn. Yes, I haven't been able to help him with his homework in about six years now. There are still new challenges happening in his life. There is romance, something that is definitely not inborn and must be taught. There is the temptation of alcohol and drugs, something that you can't ever stop talking honestly about. There is the ever looming choices of colleges and career paths. There is sex, something that oh yes, kids his age are already doing, and whatever you believe, it's his body and his choice and not something you get to to control, so you'd better learn to talk about it so you can help him where you can. There is drama, always. They need us now as much as they ever did.
I am raising a young adult. My job is to help him to grow into a good and reasonably happy person. Of course we all set boundaries and with each age there are certain lines that cannot be crossed. Just like I wouldn't let him play GTA when he was seven years old, I will also not let him go to an unsupervised party at 15. There are absolutely boundaries, but I've found that laying down absolute rules is a level of rigidity that doesn't work well when dealing with teens. Now, it may work well for some parents, but I've also seen many teens rebel all the harder for being ruled with an iron fist at home. When we've come up against a boundary that my teen feels shouldn't apply to him anymore, we discuss it. He gets to state his reasons, and he has to listen to my reasons, and sometimes he gets to win the debate and stretch the boundaries. Which leads into...
Yes, you are the parent. Yes, you are older, wiser, you brought that *ahem* young person into this world, and yes it's your house, your rules (see above). However, repression and oppression are really poor ways to raise a human being and nurture their spirit, and help them grow into a complete adult type person. Growth requires change and you really need to allow yourself to be open to those changes. Never allowing your child to win an argument or a debate doesn't make you strong, it makes them resentful. If they're being bratty and childish then no, they lose no matter what the argument is, but if they discuss their objection like an adult and it's reasonable, you may want to consider letting them have a win.
Oh, I see your precious little person there, and oh yes, she's adorable. Yes, that new baby smell is just amazing. All those firsts you have in front of you are wonderful! Yes, one is a wonderful age, as is four, as is eight, and so on. They're ALL wonderful ages. But I've changed my share of diapers, I've scrubbed my share of rugs and furniture, I've done those years when you need five sets of bedding to avoid doing laundry every single stinking day. Oh yes, all those wonderful moments are worth every bit of the aggravation, but been there, done that, tyvm. I enjoyed those younger years when they were in front of me, and now I'll enjoy these teen years. Next I'll enjoy the young adult years. No, I don't miss any of it. I'm looking forward, not back.
You know how hard it is to find a reliable babysitter? I do. I remember. I remember having to schedule my life around naps and meals. I remember parking by cart carousels no matter how far away they were from the store so that I could put my son in his car seat AND return the cart without having to carry him through the parking lot or leave him unattended in a car. I remember only eating out at family type eateries and only when the child was in the right mood. I remember choosing to leave businesses when my child couldn't hold it together anymore. I remember years of visits with friends that always included children. I remember being chained to nursery school drop off and pick up times, to play date schedules, to school schedules, to extra curricular schedules, because I had to attend, I had to assist, I had to do my part, and I had to be the taxi for it all. I remember when a sick day meant either my own day was cancelled or trying to find one of those sitters who will take a sick child (HA HA!!). I remember taking a small human with me every. where. I. went. for about a dozen years. Including bathrooms. I remember play dates and sleepovers where I had to be present, awake, and aware at all times for supervision. I remember countless mornings being the alarm clock, the breakfast chef, and watching for the bus. I remember my son being intertwined in every aspect of my life, every decision, every move, every plan. Oh, I still play taxi, and I still supervise, I still take care of him when he's sick, but I no longer have to be a continual hovering (dare I say, helicoptering) presence in his moment to moment life. I am free!
As fascinating as it is to talk to a young child and even to teach them and show them new things and hear their wonder, their questions, their amazement as their little brains absorb the new material....it's equally as frustrating as you spend the next 2741 conversations rehashing all that same information over and over. And over. And over. And many thanks to Google and Wikipedia for helping us all out with the thousands of follow up questions inspired by our moment of insanity, er, I mean education. There are equally awkward conversations in the tween years as you learn how to answer honestly, but in some age appropriate ways, about the big questions. As you white knuckle the steering wheel as you appear to casually discuss sexual intercourse. As you tap dance around your own college years as you discuss the evils of drug use and alcohol abuse. Awkward hardly covers it. Beyond all that, though, is an entirely new realm of conversation. What you have is a young adult who is seeing many things in the world for the first time, or noticing things for the first time, and he has opinions, and questions, and can talk, really Talk, about thoughts and feelings. Things like presidential elections, gun laws, abortion rights, floods in Haiti, drought in California, war in Iraq, genocide in Rwanda. You get to see a young mind interpret all the input on things and watch opinions form and discuss, as adults, all sorts of topics. It's got the "Where are Max and Ruby's parents?" convo beats hands down.
We all know those dreaded words, "Mommy, can I help?" This one's a no-brainer. When they reach a certain age they are actually capable of helping. They aren't as happy about it, granted, but they're much better at it.
If you think that your child has nothing to teach you, more power to you. This afternoon mine explained what Reddit is to me. Yeah....I Googled it, but it made a lot more sense when he explained it.
Well, I was going to talk about the sheer dollar amount that I save in printing pictures, but then I realized that those savings are eaten up by the locust that is a teenager when he hits the kitchen. So never mind.
When you've got a smaller child around you don't get to have things like hobbies, spa days, or time to yourself. Oh, you can try....but it becomes actual work as you either go through the babysitter seek-and-find trying to get just a few hours to yourself, for which you may then feel guilty, or you bring your child with you. Taking your child with you while you try to have your own fun is some kind of oxymoron....it ain't gonna happen. It's like those Give A Mouse A Cookie books and it just spirals into you supervising your child as they play at your hobby and you look longingly on. Now, once you've got a teenager on your hands they either have zero interest in being around you so you're free to do your own thing, or if they DO want to hang with you for a bit, they are fully capable of doing things on their own. Whether it's photography, scrapbooking, fishing, gardening, hiking, origami, etc., they don't need you to hold their hand anymore. Now, some moms may find that thought somewhat disturbing, the idea that their baby doesn't NEED them anymore, but see #1 above and chill. And enjoy a glass of wine while you read a book, because you can do that now!
HA! No way! I didn't go through nearly 15 years of motherhood to have some newbie tell me I'm old news! So here are a few things that I, and some other mothers of teenagers, have learned.
1. They still need us.
Oh, yes. Just because they can cook on the stove, work the washing machine, and know how to fix my computer when it's just beyond my skill, doesn't mean I am obsolete. Yes, he knows not to wear a blue shirt with black jeans. Yes, he knows how to mow the lawn. Yes, I haven't been able to help him with his homework in about six years now. There are still new challenges happening in his life. There is romance, something that is definitely not inborn and must be taught. There is the temptation of alcohol and drugs, something that you can't ever stop talking honestly about. There is the ever looming choices of colleges and career paths. There is sex, something that oh yes, kids his age are already doing, and whatever you believe, it's his body and his choice and not something you get to to control, so you'd better learn to talk about it so you can help him where you can. There is drama, always. They need us now as much as they ever did.
2. There are no Rules.
I am raising a young adult. My job is to help him to grow into a good and reasonably happy person. Of course we all set boundaries and with each age there are certain lines that cannot be crossed. Just like I wouldn't let him play GTA when he was seven years old, I will also not let him go to an unsupervised party at 15. There are absolutely boundaries, but I've found that laying down absolute rules is a level of rigidity that doesn't work well when dealing with teens. Now, it may work well for some parents, but I've also seen many teens rebel all the harder for being ruled with an iron fist at home. When we've come up against a boundary that my teen feels shouldn't apply to him anymore, we discuss it. He gets to state his reasons, and he has to listen to my reasons, and sometimes he gets to win the debate and stretch the boundaries. Which leads into...
3. You have to let them Win some.
Yes, you are the parent. Yes, you are older, wiser, you brought that *ahem* young person into this world, and yes it's your house, your rules (see above). However, repression and oppression are really poor ways to raise a human being and nurture their spirit, and help them grow into a complete adult type person. Growth requires change and you really need to allow yourself to be open to those changes. Never allowing your child to win an argument or a debate doesn't make you strong, it makes them resentful. If they're being bratty and childish then no, they lose no matter what the argument is, but if they discuss their objection like an adult and it's reasonable, you may want to consider letting them have a win.
4. No, I really do not miss the younger years.
Oh, I see your precious little person there, and oh yes, she's adorable. Yes, that new baby smell is just amazing. All those firsts you have in front of you are wonderful! Yes, one is a wonderful age, as is four, as is eight, and so on. They're ALL wonderful ages. But I've changed my share of diapers, I've scrubbed my share of rugs and furniture, I've done those years when you need five sets of bedding to avoid doing laundry every single stinking day. Oh yes, all those wonderful moments are worth every bit of the aggravation, but been there, done that, tyvm. I enjoyed those younger years when they were in front of me, and now I'll enjoy these teen years. Next I'll enjoy the young adult years. No, I don't miss any of it. I'm looking forward, not back.
5. I LOVE the freedom!
You know how hard it is to find a reliable babysitter? I do. I remember. I remember having to schedule my life around naps and meals. I remember parking by cart carousels no matter how far away they were from the store so that I could put my son in his car seat AND return the cart without having to carry him through the parking lot or leave him unattended in a car. I remember only eating out at family type eateries and only when the child was in the right mood. I remember choosing to leave businesses when my child couldn't hold it together anymore. I remember years of visits with friends that always included children. I remember being chained to nursery school drop off and pick up times, to play date schedules, to school schedules, to extra curricular schedules, because I had to attend, I had to assist, I had to do my part, and I had to be the taxi for it all. I remember when a sick day meant either my own day was cancelled or trying to find one of those sitters who will take a sick child (HA HA!!). I remember taking a small human with me every. where. I. went. for about a dozen years. Including bathrooms. I remember play dates and sleepovers where I had to be present, awake, and aware at all times for supervision. I remember countless mornings being the alarm clock, the breakfast chef, and watching for the bus. I remember my son being intertwined in every aspect of my life, every decision, every move, every plan. Oh, I still play taxi, and I still supervise, I still take care of him when he's sick, but I no longer have to be a continual hovering (dare I say, helicoptering) presence in his moment to moment life. I am free!
6. The conversation is much better.
As fascinating as it is to talk to a young child and even to teach them and show them new things and hear their wonder, their questions, their amazement as their little brains absorb the new material....it's equally as frustrating as you spend the next 2741 conversations rehashing all that same information over and over. And over. And over. And many thanks to Google and Wikipedia for helping us all out with the thousands of follow up questions inspired by our moment of insanity, er, I mean education. There are equally awkward conversations in the tween years as you learn how to answer honestly, but in some age appropriate ways, about the big questions. As you white knuckle the steering wheel as you appear to casually discuss sexual intercourse. As you tap dance around your own college years as you discuss the evils of drug use and alcohol abuse. Awkward hardly covers it. Beyond all that, though, is an entirely new realm of conversation. What you have is a young adult who is seeing many things in the world for the first time, or noticing things for the first time, and he has opinions, and questions, and can talk, really Talk, about thoughts and feelings. Things like presidential elections, gun laws, abortion rights, floods in Haiti, drought in California, war in Iraq, genocide in Rwanda. You get to see a young mind interpret all the input on things and watch opinions form and discuss, as adults, all sorts of topics. It's got the "Where are Max and Ruby's parents?" convo beats hands down.
7. Helping is actually helpful.
We all know those dreaded words, "Mommy, can I help?" This one's a no-brainer. When they reach a certain age they are actually capable of helping. They aren't as happy about it, granted, but they're much better at it.
8. They can teach us.
If you think that your child has nothing to teach you, more power to you. This afternoon mine explained what Reddit is to me. Yeah....I Googled it, but it made a lot more sense when he explained it.
9. Film/Picture Processing
Well, I was going to talk about the sheer dollar amount that I save in printing pictures, but then I realized that those savings are eaten up by the locust that is a teenager when he hits the kitchen. So never mind.
10. Selfish Pursuits
When you've got a smaller child around you don't get to have things like hobbies, spa days, or time to yourself. Oh, you can try....but it becomes actual work as you either go through the babysitter seek-and-find trying to get just a few hours to yourself, for which you may then feel guilty, or you bring your child with you. Taking your child with you while you try to have your own fun is some kind of oxymoron....it ain't gonna happen. It's like those Give A Mouse A Cookie books and it just spirals into you supervising your child as they play at your hobby and you look longingly on. Now, once you've got a teenager on your hands they either have zero interest in being around you so you're free to do your own thing, or if they DO want to hang with you for a bit, they are fully capable of doing things on their own. Whether it's photography, scrapbooking, fishing, gardening, hiking, origami, etc., they don't need you to hold their hand anymore. Now, some moms may find that thought somewhat disturbing, the idea that their baby doesn't NEED them anymore, but see #1 above and chill. And enjoy a glass of wine while you read a book, because you can do that now!
Florida Tollbooth Company Made Out As Bad Guy on Social Media
So in recent news, a Florida tollbooth company has been dragged through social media as the bad guy when they did everything they reasonably could to keep a senior worker employed despite his failing skills at his job.
The Gasparilla Island Bridge Authority recently had to terminate 77-year old Vladislav 'Sam' Samsonov of Boca Grande from his position as a full time worker at the Boca Grande Causeway. Mr. Samsonov, who worked the job for 29 years, had mistakenly undercharged a vehicle and to compensate he put the balance of the fees into the till out of his own pocket. This was not the first time that this had occurred and he had been warned more than once by his superiors about his actions. When the same mistake occurred this time, having not heeded the prior multiple warnings, his employers did not outright terminate him but offered him instead a reduced schedule. Mr. Samsonov declined the opportunity to keep his job at the reduced hours and the company was forced to terminate him.
The story was shared from the point of view of Mr. Samsonov being a victim on social media and has now spread across the internet. People in the Gasparilla Island area are sad to see a longtime fixture removed and rather than really look at the reasons why, they assume that the point of view put forth in online media is the only one. There have been threats and vulgar displays as well as outrage and support. The Bridge Authority is completely unable to comment in any way due to national privacy laws and are completely at the mercy of whatever supporters of Mr. Samsonov wish to claim about them to the internet world. They aren't able to defend themselves by explaining that the employee was making regular mistakes, that he was trying to cover up his mistakes, that he had been warned more than once about accuracy on the job, and that he was offered a solution that would have allowed him to keep his job but he declined.
There's nothing quite like being judged and found guilty in the court of internet social media when you can't even defend yourself against the mistaken assumptions.
The Gasparilla Island Bridge Authority recently had to terminate 77-year old Vladislav 'Sam' Samsonov of Boca Grande from his position as a full time worker at the Boca Grande Causeway. Mr. Samsonov, who worked the job for 29 years, had mistakenly undercharged a vehicle and to compensate he put the balance of the fees into the till out of his own pocket. This was not the first time that this had occurred and he had been warned more than once by his superiors about his actions. When the same mistake occurred this time, having not heeded the prior multiple warnings, his employers did not outright terminate him but offered him instead a reduced schedule. Mr. Samsonov declined the opportunity to keep his job at the reduced hours and the company was forced to terminate him.
The story was shared from the point of view of Mr. Samsonov being a victim on social media and has now spread across the internet. People in the Gasparilla Island area are sad to see a longtime fixture removed and rather than really look at the reasons why, they assume that the point of view put forth in online media is the only one. There have been threats and vulgar displays as well as outrage and support. The Bridge Authority is completely unable to comment in any way due to national privacy laws and are completely at the mercy of whatever supporters of Mr. Samsonov wish to claim about them to the internet world. They aren't able to defend themselves by explaining that the employee was making regular mistakes, that he was trying to cover up his mistakes, that he had been warned more than once about accuracy on the job, and that he was offered a solution that would have allowed him to keep his job but he declined.
There's nothing quite like being judged and found guilty in the court of internet social media when you can't even defend yourself against the mistaken assumptions.
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Zombies, and Aliens, and Asteroids; Oh, My!
So I don't know if it's just because it's a topic I'm interested in that I'm seeing all sorts of documentaries and B movies about various ways the world can end, or if there's some uptick lately in that genre, but there sure are a lot of ideas out there! Some we could survive, some probably not.
If an asteroid hits the earth the size of the one that killed off the dinosaurs (assuming that that really is what killed off the dinosaurs) would we survive it? That world's end idea is very plausible. After all, there is plenty of evidence that this large rock we're riding has been bombarded over time with a little of this, a little of that, maybe even another planet at one point. How devastating it would be to humanity is entirely dependent upon the size of the rock that hits us, of course. Will Bruce Willis be there to save us from this doom if it comes our way? Well, let's hope we don't have to find out.
There are some scary bugs out there, these days, that could reach epidemic proportions so easily it makes ones head swim to really read up on it. I don't know how a person could even study that kind of thing and stay sane. Reading The Coming Plague is enough to make you want to crawl under your bed and stay there a few decades. The Influenza epidemic of 1918 was horrific and watching documentaries on that is truly staggering, thinking of the sheer number of people who died from "just the flu". Will a shot help? Who can really say. What if some monster in the Middle East weaponizes Small Pox? That's a truly terrifying thought. Watch one, just ONE documentary on what Small Pox does to a person and how easily it was transmitted all on its own, then consider it weaponized and made even more deadly? Eek! Let's just not! The Black Death was another lovely little thing to read about. Bubonic Plague? Rabies? Some new bug sneaking out of the rainforests we're so intent on destroying? Yeah, probably not something that would destroy all human life, but bad enough you don't want to think about it.
Aliens!? Please. If some kind of extra terrestrial life form is able to travel through space to arrive at our planet and they want us dead, then we're dead. If they are capable of interstellar travel then they're capable of laughing off whatever we could throw at them. So not even really worth thinking about. Will Smith is awesome, but I tend to think we wouldn't get that lucky.
How about The Rapture? Well, I've watched quite a few documentaries on that, too, and read about it my entire life. I think it's about one one-hundredth of a percent as likely to happen as the aliens showing up and equally as hopeless if it does happen, to survive, so even less worthy of serious thought.
Nuclear war. I grew up with that threat. That one feels like a very likely possibility, probably because I have memories of how to hide under my desk or file into a brick lined hallway and duck and cover en masse. Realistically, a nuclear war would not destroy all of humanity. Somebody would survive, certainly. Who that might be would depend greatly on who sent the bombs and where they aimed them. During the Cold War I grew up just a mile or so away from a secondary nuclear target, so I was always assured that I wouldn't survive to have to worry about it. Funny, the things we grew up with that our kids just really couldn't possibly understand.
Volcanic Winter/Climate Change is another one that a lot of B movies are based on. This one isn't even unlikely. Climate Change is real, despite people's attempts at debating it. And while it may be debatable how influential mankind has been on it's speed, the climate doesn't really care who's right or who's wrong. It's going to do what it's going to do. Whether the poles shift, or the salinity of the ocean changes global weather patterns, or some other scenario that we can only imagine and hope never comes our way, mankind would very likely survive in some form. Would I, personally? Well, for a while maybe. How long would really depend on so many things that nobody can really say for sure. These days most people try to be prepared to live a good week without power or outside assistance. After that it's just a matter of time.
There are so many ways that our world could end. Most of them wouldn't be the end of The World, because the world itself would go on without us like a dog that's just shaken off a case of fleas. I don't think we'd be missed all that much! Most of the scenarios don't seem like they'd kill off all of humanity, but certainly most of it, and certainly change the way that humans survive on this world. What's the most likely world changing disaster coming? Who knows....I think it's very possibly Yellowstone erupting, but the pole shift could beat that to the punch. What do you think? Do you think you'd survive for a while? Or maybe for the long haul? How prepared are you for bad things to happen? How long could your household survive if civilization around us collapsed? Or is it the furthest thing from your mind?
If an asteroid hits the earth the size of the one that killed off the dinosaurs (assuming that that really is what killed off the dinosaurs) would we survive it? That world's end idea is very plausible. After all, there is plenty of evidence that this large rock we're riding has been bombarded over time with a little of this, a little of that, maybe even another planet at one point. How devastating it would be to humanity is entirely dependent upon the size of the rock that hits us, of course. Will Bruce Willis be there to save us from this doom if it comes our way? Well, let's hope we don't have to find out.
There are some scary bugs out there, these days, that could reach epidemic proportions so easily it makes ones head swim to really read up on it. I don't know how a person could even study that kind of thing and stay sane. Reading The Coming Plague is enough to make you want to crawl under your bed and stay there a few decades. The Influenza epidemic of 1918 was horrific and watching documentaries on that is truly staggering, thinking of the sheer number of people who died from "just the flu". Will a shot help? Who can really say. What if some monster in the Middle East weaponizes Small Pox? That's a truly terrifying thought. Watch one, just ONE documentary on what Small Pox does to a person and how easily it was transmitted all on its own, then consider it weaponized and made even more deadly? Eek! Let's just not! The Black Death was another lovely little thing to read about. Bubonic Plague? Rabies? Some new bug sneaking out of the rainforests we're so intent on destroying? Yeah, probably not something that would destroy all human life, but bad enough you don't want to think about it.
Aliens!? Please. If some kind of extra terrestrial life form is able to travel through space to arrive at our planet and they want us dead, then we're dead. If they are capable of interstellar travel then they're capable of laughing off whatever we could throw at them. So not even really worth thinking about. Will Smith is awesome, but I tend to think we wouldn't get that lucky.
How about The Rapture? Well, I've watched quite a few documentaries on that, too, and read about it my entire life. I think it's about one one-hundredth of a percent as likely to happen as the aliens showing up and equally as hopeless if it does happen, to survive, so even less worthy of serious thought.
Nuclear war. I grew up with that threat. That one feels like a very likely possibility, probably because I have memories of how to hide under my desk or file into a brick lined hallway and duck and cover en masse. Realistically, a nuclear war would not destroy all of humanity. Somebody would survive, certainly. Who that might be would depend greatly on who sent the bombs and where they aimed them. During the Cold War I grew up just a mile or so away from a secondary nuclear target, so I was always assured that I wouldn't survive to have to worry about it. Funny, the things we grew up with that our kids just really couldn't possibly understand.
Volcanic Winter/Climate Change is another one that a lot of B movies are based on. This one isn't even unlikely. Climate Change is real, despite people's attempts at debating it. And while it may be debatable how influential mankind has been on it's speed, the climate doesn't really care who's right or who's wrong. It's going to do what it's going to do. Whether the poles shift, or the salinity of the ocean changes global weather patterns, or some other scenario that we can only imagine and hope never comes our way, mankind would very likely survive in some form. Would I, personally? Well, for a while maybe. How long would really depend on so many things that nobody can really say for sure. These days most people try to be prepared to live a good week without power or outside assistance. After that it's just a matter of time.
There are so many ways that our world could end. Most of them wouldn't be the end of The World, because the world itself would go on without us like a dog that's just shaken off a case of fleas. I don't think we'd be missed all that much! Most of the scenarios don't seem like they'd kill off all of humanity, but certainly most of it, and certainly change the way that humans survive on this world. What's the most likely world changing disaster coming? Who knows....I think it's very possibly Yellowstone erupting, but the pole shift could beat that to the punch. What do you think? Do you think you'd survive for a while? Or maybe for the long haul? How prepared are you for bad things to happen? How long could your household survive if civilization around us collapsed? Or is it the furthest thing from your mind?
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Saille's Sales Fairy Houses -- A New Hobby
So I've started on a new hobby that I'm really enjoying -- I may even make a little side money off it. I'm making fairy houses for fairy gardens. I was playing around on Pinterest and, like so many of us, saw something and said to myself, "Self, I can do that!" Well, that something was a stone fairy house. I learned when we built our fire pit that I have a natural talent assembling rocks, so gluing small stones to a little house is actually fun for me. It's like putting together a little puzzle!
The first one I made was a lot of work. The learning curve was definitely steep at first! Hubby helped me with the door and I didn't put any windows in it, the hinges got glue all over them, and it's just all around too big for my taste and not cute at all. But somebody may like it. I put it up for sale on some local Facebook sites and got plenty of likes and hits, but no bites.
The first one I made was a lot of work. The learning curve was definitely steep at first! Hubby helped me with the door and I didn't put any windows in it, the hinges got glue all over them, and it's just all around too big for my taste and not cute at all. But somebody may like it. I put it up for sale on some local Facebook sites and got plenty of likes and hits, but no bites.
Then I picked up a few supplies at my local Dollar Tree and did a little more reading around Etsy and Pinterest about how people were assembling these and got busy. I made one for my soon to be sister-in-law Miranda next and so far it's been my favorite. She had a birthday so I was thrilled that it came out as cute as it did. I wasn't there when she received it so I can only hope that she actually likes it! lolz!
With a little success under my belt I figured I'd hit another February birthday and make one for my Aunt, as well. This one was well liked by my husband (who often has better taste than I do!).
As Valentine's Day was right then I also made one for my mother, based on the one for my aunt. I don't seem to be able to find a picture of that one, of course, but it was accented with yellow instead of blue and otherwise very similar.
My son's mid-winter school break was approaching and he was going to Ottawa to spend a long weekend with his aunt and uncle who live there. I've never been to their house, so I just tried something completely different. I don't think that either of them garden at all or have an outdoorsy kind of motif so I went with something brighter. I was informed that some of the stones fell from the spire and were super glued back on. As they were pretty solid I'm guessing that my teenage son didn't take care with the house, but hopefully it wasn't terribly mangled. The Z on the door is their initial.
So now that I had various gifts out of the way I was ready to try my hand at selling! I haven't sold any yet, but I did just start this within the last two weeks, and only opened my Etsy shop, SaillesSales, last evening, so it's still pretty early. ;) All the fairy houses I find out there are either mass produced or well up over a hundred dollars and cost prohibitive for anybody who isn't devoted to the idea of a fairy garden but thinks it's a cute idea. All gardens need a fairy, you know. And what better way to coax a fairy to bless your garden than to provide an attractive home! When the snow is gone, sometime around Memorial Weekend, and I can get into the woods, I'll be harvesting acorns and making lanterns and other assorted cute things. So follow my Etsy page (I assume you're already following my blog, right?!) and keep your eyes open!
St. Patrick's Day Fairy Garden House, $35
Blue Dragonfly House, $35
https://www.etsy.com/shop/SaillesSales
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Reasons Why I Am A Bad Mommy
1. I did not breast feed my son.
2. I did not co-sleep with my son.
3. I did not extended rear face my son's car seat.
4. I did not ever own a Moby wrap or anything similar.
5. I did allow my son to sleep in his swing until he outgrew it.
6. I put rice cereal into the baby bottle and widened the hole in the nipple.
7. I started my son on cows milk at only 10 months old.
8. I have never owned a dish washer and have never once boiled anything to disinfect it.
9. More than once I cleaned a fallen pacifier off with my own mouth then gave it back to the baby.
10. I used the television as a babysitter (THANK YOU Bear in the Big Blue House, Rollie Pollie Ollie, and The Wiggles!!)
11. I did not read to my son any more than absolutely necessary.
12. I almost never bought hand sanitizer.
13. I never use antibacterial soaps or detergents.
14. I let my son jump on the couch.
15. I did not leap to my son's defense when other kids picked on him.
16. I did make him apologize for picking on other kids.
17. I used bribery and babysitters to get him toilet trained.
18. I cut his hair myself until he was old enough to object.
19. I never had a birthday party where his entire class was invited.
20. I never made amazing party favors for the friends who were invited to the birthday parties.
21. I didn't plan activities for any gathering of his friends but just send them outside.
22. I did not hover by a window or on the deck while he played outside.
23. I started letting him take unsupervised baths at age four.
24. I did not let him wear clothes he picked out himself if they didn't match or were ugly.
25. I bought his clothes second hand as much as humanly possible.
26. I let him wear Abercrombie & Fitch even after they refused to make clothes in larger sizes.
27. When he cried I told him to go to bed because I didn't want to listen to it.
28. I didn't allow whining in my home.
29. I told him that boys were supposed to get dirty.
30. I told him that you never, ever hit a girl.
31. I told him that if you need to defend yourself or somebody else to fight and I'd stand behind him.
32. I took teacher's sides against him and if he got in trouble at school he was in trouble at home.
33. I forgot the sunscreen.
34. I swore in front of him and told him he couldn't say those same words until he was 18.
35. I let him taste wine, beer, and champagne on occasions where we were having some.
36. When he started riding the school bus I sat him down and told him all the 'bad' words so that he would know what they were and what not to repeat.
37. When we went to the park I sat on a bench and read a book and paid very little attention to what he was doing.
38. I didn't want to build a snowman.
39. When he swatted a cat and it swatted back I told him he deserved it. .
40. I didn't let him manhandle any pets or animals.
41. I didn't have regular chores or lists.
42. I did not curb my road rage-isms in front of him.
43. I was honest with him about the household income, the bills, and the times when we struggled with money and what that meant.
44. I let him fend for himself for meals if I don't feel like cooking.
45. He first learned how to use the stove at age eight.
46. I told him in 6th grade that there was no college fund and what scholarships are and what he needs to do to get one.
47. I bought him his first cell phone at eight years old in the 5th grade.
48. I got him his first smart phone at 13.
49. I don't snoop his texts, IMs, or browser history.
50. I got him his own debit card to use at 14 years old.
51. I took him to his first concert at 13 years old and didn't attend it with him.
52. I showed him how to make coffee and what a wonderful thing it is on groggy mornings.
53. I got him his first gaming system (X-box) when he started regular school.
54. I let him hang out in town with his friends after school and pick him up at dinner time.
55. I answer his questions honestly, no matter what they are.
56. I don't dictate to him a specific bedtime.
57. He started staying home alone in the house as young as age 10.
58. At 14 I would absolutely leave him home alone for days at a time.
59. We bought him his first gun at age 12 and taught him how to shoot it.
60. He wanted a pocket knife, we gave him a pocket knife.
61. When he thought zippos were cool we gave him one.
62. There are no parental controls on the cable and he has it set up in his room.
63. I let him be friends with whomever he wants, only reminding him that if one gets caught doing something the entire group will be charged so be aware.
64. When I need money for something and he has some I borrow it.
65. I don't clean his room for him.
66. I don't make him clean his room, other than dishes and dirty clothes.
67. I don't make him walk his dogs.
68. I let him play rated M video games.
69. I let him watch rated R movies.
70. I let him make his own mistakes.
Oh, there are more, I'm sure! Now-a-days I see the term "Free Range Parenting" and that's a pretty good description of my style of parenting, the opposite of a "Helicopter Parent" anyway. My goals with my son are to raise him to independent, self sufficient, confident, to possess common sense, to be level headed, and to be a productive member of society. So far, 14 years into the biggest experiment of my life, I have a young man who has found ways to make his own money, balances his own budget with his debit card, is in the honors programs in math, science, and art, has many good friends who I'm happy to have in our lives, has many other more casual friends, has had some nice girlfriends. He is adored by his dogs, is buddies with the little guy I babysit and pretty much any other small child he comes into contact with, and he can have a real conversation with any adult on a variety of interesting topics and not be out of his depth or feel intimidated. He is responsible, knows how to cook and clean, is respectful and honest, and doesn't sneak. He is extensively fluent in sarcasm and chaffes when he's treated as if he must be inherently stupid or rotten just because he's a teenager. He's not one who needs to act bullish to feel manly but doesn't take anybody's shit, either. He is healthy, has only seasonal allergies, and is a healthy weight. He pays attention to nutrition because I am diabetic and he knows that he could be genetically predisposed to it.
So all in all, so far, I think I'm doing okay despite all the many, many bad mommy things I've done and plan to continue doing. You know, like teaching him how to drive this summer at 14 though he can't get a permit until he's 16. Or leaving him to house and dog sit while hubby and I go away for a weekend this summer sometime.
I am very proud of my son. The young man that he is is as much his own character as mine and my husband's influences on him. It's both nature and nurture.
---------------------------------
So tell me, Gentle Reader, what things have you done or not done that in today's era of Mommy Wars puts you in the bad parent category?
Spill your secrets, my friends!!! Let's start the rebellion together!
2. I did not co-sleep with my son.
3. I did not extended rear face my son's car seat.
4. I did not ever own a Moby wrap or anything similar.
5. I did allow my son to sleep in his swing until he outgrew it.
6. I put rice cereal into the baby bottle and widened the hole in the nipple.
7. I started my son on cows milk at only 10 months old.
8. I have never owned a dish washer and have never once boiled anything to disinfect it.
9. More than once I cleaned a fallen pacifier off with my own mouth then gave it back to the baby.
10. I used the television as a babysitter (THANK YOU Bear in the Big Blue House, Rollie Pollie Ollie, and The Wiggles!!)
11. I did not read to my son any more than absolutely necessary.
12. I almost never bought hand sanitizer.
13. I never use antibacterial soaps or detergents.
14. I let my son jump on the couch.
15. I did not leap to my son's defense when other kids picked on him.
16. I did make him apologize for picking on other kids.
17. I used bribery and babysitters to get him toilet trained.
18. I cut his hair myself until he was old enough to object.
19. I never had a birthday party where his entire class was invited.
20. I never made amazing party favors for the friends who were invited to the birthday parties.
21. I didn't plan activities for any gathering of his friends but just send them outside.
22. I did not hover by a window or on the deck while he played outside.
23. I started letting him take unsupervised baths at age four.
24. I did not let him wear clothes he picked out himself if they didn't match or were ugly.
25. I bought his clothes second hand as much as humanly possible.
26. I let him wear Abercrombie & Fitch even after they refused to make clothes in larger sizes.
27. When he cried I told him to go to bed because I didn't want to listen to it.
28. I didn't allow whining in my home.
29. I told him that boys were supposed to get dirty.
30. I told him that you never, ever hit a girl.
31. I told him that if you need to defend yourself or somebody else to fight and I'd stand behind him.
32. I took teacher's sides against him and if he got in trouble at school he was in trouble at home.
33. I forgot the sunscreen.
34. I swore in front of him and told him he couldn't say those same words until he was 18.
35. I let him taste wine, beer, and champagne on occasions where we were having some.
36. When he started riding the school bus I sat him down and told him all the 'bad' words so that he would know what they were and what not to repeat.
37. When we went to the park I sat on a bench and read a book and paid very little attention to what he was doing.
38. I didn't want to build a snowman.
39. When he swatted a cat and it swatted back I told him he deserved it. .
40. I didn't let him manhandle any pets or animals.
41. I didn't have regular chores or lists.
42. I did not curb my road rage-isms in front of him.
43. I was honest with him about the household income, the bills, and the times when we struggled with money and what that meant.
44. I let him fend for himself for meals if I don't feel like cooking.
45. He first learned how to use the stove at age eight.
46. I told him in 6th grade that there was no college fund and what scholarships are and what he needs to do to get one.
47. I bought him his first cell phone at eight years old in the 5th grade.
48. I got him his first smart phone at 13.
49. I don't snoop his texts, IMs, or browser history.
50. I got him his own debit card to use at 14 years old.
51. I took him to his first concert at 13 years old and didn't attend it with him.
52. I showed him how to make coffee and what a wonderful thing it is on groggy mornings.
53. I got him his first gaming system (X-box) when he started regular school.
54. I let him hang out in town with his friends after school and pick him up at dinner time.
55. I answer his questions honestly, no matter what they are.
56. I don't dictate to him a specific bedtime.
57. He started staying home alone in the house as young as age 10.
58. At 14 I would absolutely leave him home alone for days at a time.
59. We bought him his first gun at age 12 and taught him how to shoot it.
60. He wanted a pocket knife, we gave him a pocket knife.
61. When he thought zippos were cool we gave him one.
62. There are no parental controls on the cable and he has it set up in his room.
63. I let him be friends with whomever he wants, only reminding him that if one gets caught doing something the entire group will be charged so be aware.
64. When I need money for something and he has some I borrow it.
65. I don't clean his room for him.
66. I don't make him clean his room, other than dishes and dirty clothes.
67. I don't make him walk his dogs.
68. I let him play rated M video games.
69. I let him watch rated R movies.
70. I let him make his own mistakes.
Oh, there are more, I'm sure! Now-a-days I see the term "Free Range Parenting" and that's a pretty good description of my style of parenting, the opposite of a "Helicopter Parent" anyway. My goals with my son are to raise him to independent, self sufficient, confident, to possess common sense, to be level headed, and to be a productive member of society. So far, 14 years into the biggest experiment of my life, I have a young man who has found ways to make his own money, balances his own budget with his debit card, is in the honors programs in math, science, and art, has many good friends who I'm happy to have in our lives, has many other more casual friends, has had some nice girlfriends. He is adored by his dogs, is buddies with the little guy I babysit and pretty much any other small child he comes into contact with, and he can have a real conversation with any adult on a variety of interesting topics and not be out of his depth or feel intimidated. He is responsible, knows how to cook and clean, is respectful and honest, and doesn't sneak. He is extensively fluent in sarcasm and chaffes when he's treated as if he must be inherently stupid or rotten just because he's a teenager. He's not one who needs to act bullish to feel manly but doesn't take anybody's shit, either. He is healthy, has only seasonal allergies, and is a healthy weight. He pays attention to nutrition because I am diabetic and he knows that he could be genetically predisposed to it.
So all in all, so far, I think I'm doing okay despite all the many, many bad mommy things I've done and plan to continue doing. You know, like teaching him how to drive this summer at 14 though he can't get a permit until he's 16. Or leaving him to house and dog sit while hubby and I go away for a weekend this summer sometime.
I am very proud of my son. The young man that he is is as much his own character as mine and my husband's influences on him. It's both nature and nurture.
---------------------------------
So tell me, Gentle Reader, what things have you done or not done that in today's era of Mommy Wars puts you in the bad parent category?
Spill your secrets, my friends!!! Let's start the rebellion together!
Sunday, February 1, 2015
Dear Nice Guys
Here is my inspiration for today's rant:
http://thoughtcatalog.com/leo-steven/2014/04/dear-girls-who-are-finally-ready-to-date-nice-guys-we-dont-want-you-anymore/
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Nice Guys Who Are (Finally) Ready to Date Nice Girls: We Don't Want You Anymore.
You had your chance to ask us out on a date. You remember when that hot girl you wanted so badly finally went out on a date with you? You were so excited! You went on and on to me about how amazing the date was going to be, how you were going to knock her socks off with your good manners, display of romance, and willingness to spend every penny you possess on her. Somehow, you and she were going to be two completely different people on this amazing date and live happily ever after. You were going to be somebody she found interesting and fun and she was going to develop depth and a personality. Do you remember?
Do you remember how brutally crushed you were when, at the end of the night, reality came crashing down crushing your hopes and dreams into the dust. Not only were you still you, but she was still the same person she's always been. Only now you were seeing her for who she really was all along. You were finally seeing past her perky 36C breasts and well displayed cleavage, her well trimmed waist that was always easy to glimpse when she moved around because her tops were barely long enough to reach the bottom of her waist, her round and firm ass that she worked to keep tight and firm. You were finally seeing that underneath that jail bait body she was really just a shallow, self involved jerk who didn't deserve you at all. At least, that's what I thought you were seeing.
Do you remember whose shoulder you cried on? Do you remember the hours you spent lamenting to me that life sucked, that your life, in particular, sucked, and that you were going to be forever alone? I remember. I held your hand, I gave you my shoulder, I was there for you at all hours any time you were feeling down and needed to vent. And vent you did. The mantra of the rejected nice guy became your life. You were going to show her; you were going to show all the girls like her! At first I thought that your anger meant you were finally moving on and were making progress. Maybe, just maybe, you would finally SEE ME! Maybe now that you finally saw her, you could lose those rose tinted glasses and see me for something other than wallpaper, or a D&D buddy, a friend, a Nice Girl. Ha! Little did I know. You still didn't see her for the person that she was, you only saw a beautiful girl who you believed you 'deserved' even if she didn't realize it.
In your 20's you disappeared. We used to talk every day, sometimes all day, and you just disappeared. You went to your college, I went to mine, and you were gone. We saw one another on holidays, sometimes, but you were so engrossed in your studies, so determined to make something of yourself, that I was even more invisible than I'd ever been. At first I thought that this kind of ambition wasn't really a bad thing, there are a lot of Type A personalities in the world, after all. But then when I finally got you to talk to me you were doing it to show them, to show them all. The driving force behind this ambition, behind it all, was still her, the 'her's of this world. Somewhere in your mind she still existed in all her teenage glory, with her hot body and her empty mind, gazing into a mirror that would never reflect you. It finally occurred to me that I don't want you! Why would I want a man who is so hung up on another woman, another type of woman, that his entire existence has been devoted to her in one way or another? Why would I want a man who, instead of developing as a person, who instead of growing and learning and maturing, has been stuck inside his own head for a decade or more still beating against the self built walls of rejection? I am perfectly capable of being a whole and happy person, in and of myself. I don't need you, or anybody else, to complete me or to make my life worthwhile. I have better things to do.
But now I'm not a wallflower, am I? I didn't know how to dress, or do my hair and make-up in high school. I could barely bring myself to care about such things in college, though I did try, occasionally. When I finally stopped trying to be That Girl, and instead just worked on being the best ME I could be, suddenly I'm visible. Now that I have the self-confidence from having succeeded in my life so far, now that I know who I am and what I want and don't care what anybody around me says I should be or should want, suddenly I'm Somebody. I don't need you anymore. I'm not in the mood to deal with you, your issues, or your quest for recognition. When I find a man who is my equal, who realizes that I am his equal, we will work together to be happy, we will have children if we decide to, and have the things that make us happy, together.
Truth is, I'm happy for you. I really am. It's about time that you matured and came to your senses about that girl and the many people that are just like her, who want what they want when they want it and don't care about consequences, the future, or even tomorrow, as long as they have fun today. But I wasn't sitting by the phone waiting for you to realize that I'm a great woman. I wrote you off long, long ago. You've learned some important lessons, and so have I. In fact, you taught me one. You taught me not to date guys like you.
Speaking for the nice girls out there, you're too late.
We want a man, not a petulant boy who still sees any choice that doesn't line up with what he wants as being wrong and misguided. We don't want some boy who has finally realized that he was standing on the backs of the nice girls to reach for the wrong ones. We want a man who sees that each woman is a person, not a trophy, not an achievement to reach. We want a man who sees our sense of humor, our sense of self, and honors that and loves that. And that's just not you. I'm sorry if that bothers you. Well, no, actually I'm not. I don't even care that much. Good luck in life.
The Nice Girl
http://thoughtcatalog.com/leo-steven/2014/04/dear-girls-who-are-finally-ready-to-date-nice-guys-we-dont-want-you-anymore/
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Nice Guys Who Are (Finally) Ready to Date Nice Girls: We Don't Want You Anymore.
You had your chance to ask us out on a date. You remember when that hot girl you wanted so badly finally went out on a date with you? You were so excited! You went on and on to me about how amazing the date was going to be, how you were going to knock her socks off with your good manners, display of romance, and willingness to spend every penny you possess on her. Somehow, you and she were going to be two completely different people on this amazing date and live happily ever after. You were going to be somebody she found interesting and fun and she was going to develop depth and a personality. Do you remember?
Do you remember how brutally crushed you were when, at the end of the night, reality came crashing down crushing your hopes and dreams into the dust. Not only were you still you, but she was still the same person she's always been. Only now you were seeing her for who she really was all along. You were finally seeing past her perky 36C breasts and well displayed cleavage, her well trimmed waist that was always easy to glimpse when she moved around because her tops were barely long enough to reach the bottom of her waist, her round and firm ass that she worked to keep tight and firm. You were finally seeing that underneath that jail bait body she was really just a shallow, self involved jerk who didn't deserve you at all. At least, that's what I thought you were seeing.
Do you remember whose shoulder you cried on? Do you remember the hours you spent lamenting to me that life sucked, that your life, in particular, sucked, and that you were going to be forever alone? I remember. I held your hand, I gave you my shoulder, I was there for you at all hours any time you were feeling down and needed to vent. And vent you did. The mantra of the rejected nice guy became your life. You were going to show her; you were going to show all the girls like her! At first I thought that your anger meant you were finally moving on and were making progress. Maybe, just maybe, you would finally SEE ME! Maybe now that you finally saw her, you could lose those rose tinted glasses and see me for something other than wallpaper, or a D&D buddy, a friend, a Nice Girl. Ha! Little did I know. You still didn't see her for the person that she was, you only saw a beautiful girl who you believed you 'deserved' even if she didn't realize it.
In your 20's you disappeared. We used to talk every day, sometimes all day, and you just disappeared. You went to your college, I went to mine, and you were gone. We saw one another on holidays, sometimes, but you were so engrossed in your studies, so determined to make something of yourself, that I was even more invisible than I'd ever been. At first I thought that this kind of ambition wasn't really a bad thing, there are a lot of Type A personalities in the world, after all. But then when I finally got you to talk to me you were doing it to show them, to show them all. The driving force behind this ambition, behind it all, was still her, the 'her's of this world. Somewhere in your mind she still existed in all her teenage glory, with her hot body and her empty mind, gazing into a mirror that would never reflect you. It finally occurred to me that I don't want you! Why would I want a man who is so hung up on another woman, another type of woman, that his entire existence has been devoted to her in one way or another? Why would I want a man who, instead of developing as a person, who instead of growing and learning and maturing, has been stuck inside his own head for a decade or more still beating against the self built walls of rejection? I am perfectly capable of being a whole and happy person, in and of myself. I don't need you, or anybody else, to complete me or to make my life worthwhile. I have better things to do.
But now I'm not a wallflower, am I? I didn't know how to dress, or do my hair and make-up in high school. I could barely bring myself to care about such things in college, though I did try, occasionally. When I finally stopped trying to be That Girl, and instead just worked on being the best ME I could be, suddenly I'm visible. Now that I have the self-confidence from having succeeded in my life so far, now that I know who I am and what I want and don't care what anybody around me says I should be or should want, suddenly I'm Somebody. I don't need you anymore. I'm not in the mood to deal with you, your issues, or your quest for recognition. When I find a man who is my equal, who realizes that I am his equal, we will work together to be happy, we will have children if we decide to, and have the things that make us happy, together.
Truth is, I'm happy for you. I really am. It's about time that you matured and came to your senses about that girl and the many people that are just like her, who want what they want when they want it and don't care about consequences, the future, or even tomorrow, as long as they have fun today. But I wasn't sitting by the phone waiting for you to realize that I'm a great woman. I wrote you off long, long ago. You've learned some important lessons, and so have I. In fact, you taught me one. You taught me not to date guys like you.
Speaking for the nice girls out there, you're too late.
We want a man, not a petulant boy who still sees any choice that doesn't line up with what he wants as being wrong and misguided. We don't want some boy who has finally realized that he was standing on the backs of the nice girls to reach for the wrong ones. We want a man who sees that each woman is a person, not a trophy, not an achievement to reach. We want a man who sees our sense of humor, our sense of self, and honors that and loves that. And that's just not you. I'm sorry if that bothers you. Well, no, actually I'm not. I don't even care that much. Good luck in life.
The Nice Girl
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