It's Almost Here!

Yay!  We have snow!  Not much....not even an inch, and it's barely cold enough to keep it, but it's here.  Let's hope it stays for a couple more days!!
Colin just came out to ask me if we're going over to his friend's house.....I'm like, "huh?"  I do miss old friends who've moved on....I'm still in touch with so many people from all the chapters of my life, even if only tenuously, but there are a handful that are just gone....just kind of faded away with time, distance or emotional distance.  That's how it goes, though.  People do grow apart, friendships do disintegrate, people do change and move apart from one another....I'm just not used to it.  Some of my best and closest friends have been in my life since my childhood, so I'm really unused to letting go!  LOL!  Ah well....I wish them all a happy holiday season.
Kyle is out doing some last minute errands and things.  Thanks to my lovely benevolent employers who believe in Christmas Bonuses (thank you!!!!) I was able to give hubby some money to do a little holiday shopping.  Usually I've so overspent on the kiddo and making sure I've got something for everybody that I just tell him not to worry about it, get myself some little thing, and deal with it.  In recent years the kiddo has really gotten into doing his own shopping, and my mother, being the awesome Grandma that she is, takes him out shopping. So I do have gifts under the tree that I didn't pick out myself....but this will be the first year in a few that there will be some from Kyle!  Yay!
Today I have to wrap Colin's presents, clean the house, catch up the laundry, burn candles, watch holiday movies, make an apple pie and a blueberry pie for tomorrow night, make hamburger buns for dinner tonight.....Basic puttering.
It has been a very hard year, financially, and we've still got a few debts to pay off and some challenges ahead that we'll be carrying into the new year, but otherwise it's been a good year.  We're very blessed.  Kyle and I both have jobs that we enjoy doing, that we're good at, working for good people.  Colin is having an amazing year in 6th grade, making High Honor Roll, enjoying a variety of friends, the admiration of his teachers, and being chosen for special projects. Both mine and Kyle's extended families are doing fairly well....there are some hitches here and there, many of them financial, but everybody is hanging in there.  We have many good friends, good family, good health, a lovely home, each other....it really is a Wonderful Life!  lol
I do hope that everybody can find at least a moment of peace this holiday season and step back and see all the good things they've got.  Happy Holidays!!

The Battle of the Chocolate Chip Cookies

I'm spreading my holiday baking out over the entire week this year.  This wasn't really intentional or thought out....it's more a result of laziness and procrastination.  But hey, I'm embracing it!  lol  On Saturday I spread my baking supplies all over the kitchen. On Sunday I organized it, looked through recipes, and baked these chocolate chip/peppermint checkerboard cookies that were a major PITA, gingerbread cookies from a box, and brownie bites.  Yesterday I was a little more ambitious....I did two batches of peanut butter/chocolate fudge and two batches of regular chocolate fudge and did molasses cookies.  I think it's the best molasses cookies I've made yet -- they weren't so soft you couldn't handle them, but they weren't hard.  We'll see what Mom thinks....she's the one I know who really likes that kind of cookie.  This morning I'm a bit more in the mood.  I cleaned up the kitchen, started the laundry, then whipped up my nemesis cookie:  Chocolate Chip.

Now, most people have made chocolate chip cookies.  Right from childhood it's the one cookie that anybody with a bowl and a spoon can whip up.  I guess.  I can't.  Well, that's not exactly true.  I've made chocolate chip cookies for years, but they tend to either come out of the oven in ball form as they went in or flat because they've totally melted.  I've used recipes from here, there and everywhere....recipes that other women have used successfully and made wonderful cookies with happy children that they shared with family in holiday joy.  I get hockey pucks with chocolate chips in them.  They taste good.....once you manage to find a spot you can chew.  Kind of like the turkey dinner in Nat'l Lampoon's Christmas Vacation....only they don't even look that good.
This year I tried the recipe on the inside of the butter flavored Crisco lard package.  I followed the directions, blending, stirring and folding the appropriate amounts of time to the listed consistencies.  They look good....they're not flat, they're cookie shaped, they don't look raw or burnt and the batter sure tasted okay.  Not that I'd know, of course.....just guessing......got raw egg in it can't eat it......yeah, yeah, that.  So here's hoping they taste good, too!!  Of course, when you mix together butter flavored lard, brown sugar, vanilla, chocolate chips and some milk, egg and flour how could it taste bad?  But wait....this is me we're talking about!!  LOL  I can make a cheesecake that I could sell for $10 a slice all day and night.  I can make a homemade pizza that has my boys nearly in tears tearing into it.  I've perfected my fudge, found the best brownie recipe and mastered it, and even moved on successfully to decorative baking with these checkerboard cookies.  I must NOT be defeated by basic chocolate chip cookies!!!!

Colin is sleeping off a two day migraine.  Hopefully when he wakes up he'll be pain free and able to taste test my cookies.  Kyle's working until tonight so he won't get to try them until much later....I can't wait that long for reassurement and worship in my role as domestic goddess!!!  So if the kiddo is still achy I'll have to start hitting people up to pop out and eat baked goods.  And that's more difficult than you'd think.....even on a bright sunny day with clear roads.  So here's hoping!!!

December Updates

Well, we got the garage finished.  The trim is a color called Moon Crater, which is a gunmetal grey purplish color.  Not quite what I remember buying, but I like it.  What a huge PITA -- which is why I didn't do it for so long.  Hopefully it's a long, long time before I have to do that again!!!

Not a great deal different or new happening.  MIL gave hubby the moulah to get his truck fixed for an early Christmas present.  He ordered the ignition parts he'll need and he'll be pulling the starter today and taking it in to buy a new one.  Can't wait for it to be done!!!  I'll have my car back!!  No more evenings stuck here.....as if I had anywhere else to go!

The kiddo is home today with a migraine.  The headache is beginning to let up a little, but the light sensitivity is brutal.  Handy thing it's a cloudy day out. Hopefully it lets up by this evening....I really hate him missing school.  But there's no sense in forcing him to attend when he can't think for the fireworks behind his eyes.

Looking forward to Christmas Eve at my Aunt Heather's house again this year.  Taylor took Mom, Heather and I out to a new Italian Restaurant in town called Vino Vidi Vici and it was absolutely awesome!!  Then afterwards to Handel's Messiah performed at Sacred Heart Church by the Northern NY Orchestra and Potsdam Choir with some guest vocalists from Crane School of Music.  It was lovely.  Loved the choir and the orchestra....not such a big fan of the operatic style of singing, but they were very talented and I'm glad I got to see it.  I'd like to see them perform some other works.

Had a Gold Canyon Candle party that went south.  Instead of taking 5-10 business days for the orders to come in it took 5-6 weeks.  There were a couple of bad checks that had to be taken care of which accounted for a week to two weeks of that, but beyond that I haven't been able to pin down exactly what went wrong.  I have some suspicions, but no evidence of any kind.  But everybody has their products or their refunds at this point in time so it's all good.  And I absolutely LOVE my holiday candles!!  The house smells sooooo good!! I will have to find a new demonstrator, though.  My party guests wouldn't attend another party with the same one, even if there were absolute proof that the delay was none of her doing.  She did keep in constant contact with me, though, despite the discomfort of the situation.  She didn't dodge any of my calls, texts or emails.  I give points for that because I've had people I couldn't get in touch with on a good day!!!  lol

Got our Christmas tree at Breezy Maples Farm again this year.  It's not as magnificent as the one we got last year, but it is magnificent!  I decorated it in all red and gold ornaments, which I bought on clearance last January.  It's very beautiful, but I really miss all my special ornaments that I've collected over the years.  I'll box up all these ornaments, label it and set it all in the back corner of the attic.  Maybe I'll do this again someday, though I doubt it.  I'll probably pass the ornaments on to somebody starting their first tree or something like that.  I mean, this was an 8' tree, so it'll be plenty  and more than to be a starter kit for somebody!!

I've got the Christmas shopping done.  There isn't as much this year, but nobody really needs anything.  I've got to do a little finangling with the bills this week, but nothing I can't manage.  And thankfully there are three paychecks this month!!  That helped, that and hubby getting some overtime.  LOVE OT!!

Had a lovely Thanksgiving/Christmas visit in Rochester with BIL and SIL.  It was a good trip down and back and everybody had a good time.  No big stresses, no problems, nobody had to die.  Which is always a good thing!!!   They got us a Blu Ray player which is awesome! It's absolutely amazing how good that picture is on that flat screen TV!

So far it's looking like a green Christmas is coming.  Winter weather has only just started to hit a little bit, there's a dusting of snow here and there.  Mostly, though, it rains and the wind blows.  It gets cold enough to freeze everything  but then I pops back up into the 40's.  It sucks!!!  I love a Christmas with a ton of snow....it's depressing when there isn't any.  All the signs pointed to a cold, snowy season this year but so far we're not seeing any of that.  Maybe we're going to get slammed.  Who knows.  It's not the first year it's been like this....I remember Christmases in my childhood walking to my grandmother's in the rain to celebrate Christmas Eve.

I haven't been going to the gym the last couple of months.  Margaret has gone down south to where her other son lives and is having various joints replaced.  She had one done, then recovery in a nursing home, then scheduled for the next.  She probably won't be home until sometime in the New Year.  Without her I don't go to the gym at all.  And being the highly motivated person that I am not I don't do a damned thing here by myself.  I really need to.  I'm getting very soft.  Haven't gained the weight back, thankfully, but it's not helping my blood glucose to sit on my ass so much.  But I've never really been motivated.  Maybe for a New Year's Present for myself I'll get a membership to the gym downtown.  Now that I've been going to a gym and known how the machines work and stuff I don't have to have the customer service I get at Heart to Heart.  I love it out there, but I can't afford it on my own and it's more than 20 miles away.

I'm supposed to be doing my holiday baking right now.  I've got everything exploded all over the kitchen and have baked brownie bites, checkerboard cookies and oatmeal cookies.  Then I went to bed and haven't started back up again today.  Just feeling very lazy and unenthusiastic.  Still in my PJ's....maybe a nice hot shower will help me feel more awake and raring to do something productive.  I did change the kitty litter and put the trash out this morning....so I'm not a complete waste!!!  ;-)

So Happy Holidays to all!!!

Painting the Garage

Painting sucks. Still have the rear wall to finish and all the trim to do. It'll probably be decent weather Monday, maybe even Sunday to get it done.

Early October 2011

So I've got this as an app now on my iPhone, which is nice as we're still without Time Warner services at the house. However, typing things out on this touch screen gets old fast! lol
Rather than do an update on current events or an essay I'm just going to say that it's all more of the same and my Keurig is awesome. lolol!!

Hey Strangers!

Sorry I'm so absent again.  This time, though, I do have a good reason.  It's been a really tight year and toward the end of summer bills just started slipping a bit behind.  Something had to give and so I decided to let the Time Warner services go for a while, which includes our landline telephone, our cable and our internet.  I really really miss my interwebz!!!  LOL!  But we have been getting quite a bit more done around the house and spending quite a bit more quality time together as a family.  I think we were all a bit more plugged in than we'd have liked to admit and really needed this detox.  Kyle and I are at least able to surf a bit on our iphones and Colin can surf when he's in Cornwall at his grandparents'.  Right now I'm at my good friend Megan's house sitting with her son Noah while she and Howard are at her brother and future SIL's dinner/bachelor/ette gatherings in Potsdam.  They're getting married next weekend.  Kyle and I won't be able to make it....he's got to work and I'll have Sam.  I'd have liked to have gone or at least have set it up for Kyle to be able to go for a bit, but c'est la vie I suppose. 
Colin is, if not enjoying, at least dealing well with sixth grade.  He had a bit of a meltdown before school started having heard some awful things about his teacher and the homework, etc.  Now that he's actually in there he's doing just fine.  The teacher isn't a monster at all, just strick (which isn't a bad thing) and he absolutely loves the other two teachers, Miss Powers and Mr. Lindt.  He's been doing a lot more reading, I started him on some classics, and now he's finished The Hobbit and started on the LOTR trilogy.  At 11!!  I can't get over how well rounded he is....kids that smart didn't usually have much social life when I was that age but he's got plenty of friends and good friends.  Yay! 
Got a lot of garage sale'ing done this past summer....still catching one or two here and there.  I'm a total addict, but it gives me a chance to have a little retail therapy that I can actually afford.  And I've made some awesome discoveries and even gotten some Christmas shopping done.  Yay me!
I've instituted a Craft Night.  It's every other Friday night.  I provide the location, my house, and the table space for whatever it is you want to do and attendees bring their own snacks/beverages and themselves.  So far it's been mostly Joann and I, though Crystal came to the last one and Steph came to the one last night.  Jen hasn't been able to make it at all yet, but hopefully she'll find time for the next one.  She's just crazy busy.  Meg hasn't been to any, but she's never been big on driving around the county backroads in the dark.  I'll get here there eventually!  I've gotten a lot of scrapbooking done, which was the point for me.  I hadn't really sat down in a couple of years and done any and I'm way behind, as in 2006 behind.  Right now I"m working on our wedding pictures!!  Yikes!
This Halloween will be our 5th wedding anniversary.  I'd like to do a costume party or something as we're off that weekend, but I just don't see being able to get everybody together.  Everybody has plans usually for Halloween as everybody has kids, so I'm just going to let it go.  We'll do something just us and it'll be fun. 
I'm down to a size 14, though I was a bit below it and have put 5-10lbs back on.  I've only managed to get to the gym about once a week for 4-6 weeks and it's starting to really show.  I've got to start doing my own thing at home, but that level of motivation was never my strong suit.  Le sigh.  I need to go jogging again.  Maybe now that it's cooler out....if it ever stops raining!  I'd like to be a 12 for the holidays, but if I can stay in these 14's I'll be pretty happy.  As long as I manage that 12 by next summer I'll be a happy girl.  As two years ago I was creeping into a 20-22W I'm a very happy girl!
Joann and Robert are looking at buying a house.  They were looking at one but it didn't work out and now they've got their eyes on another one, on Brighton this time.  Got my fingers crossed for them....I think if they could get out of that small rental and get into their own space and have ENOUGH space it would go a long way toward helping them feel more settled.  They're very tumultuous people but I think they make a good couple.  :-)
Peggy's cervical surgery is all over and all the post op appointments are done.  She did very well, healed very quickly and it really did wonders for her movement and pain levels.  Her lower back is next on the list but she seems like she'd like to wait a bit before embarking on another surgical adventure.  As much fun as it was! 
Dad's doing really well with his new hip.  He's been off his cane for some time now and though he has a limp at the moment he's getting around just fine.  Now it's Mom's turn to do something about her knee which hurts her terribly though she doesn't admit it often.  Hopefully there's something they CAN do about it.  Dan's been shown to have two herniated lumbar disks but he has no insurance.  Hopefully something works out for him.  I wish he could have some awesome job fall into his lap....if only it worked that way!  Uncle Billy just got out of the nursing home and is apparently doing much better.  Katie and Todd built a nice ramp up to the front door to make it easier for him going to and from dialysis.  I haven't heard much from Katie recently, but I am hoping that no news is good news and that just means that things are going well for her and time is just galloping by as it does when nothing makes you stop and notice.  I haven't called her much and for that exact reason so I figure it's the same on both ends!  lol
That's about all the updates for the moment....or at least the ones that come to mind.  There are all sorts of random details, but you get the gist of it!  lol  Plus I think Howard and Meg will be home in a little while and I've got so manny things I want to update while I've got real online access!!!  Facebook was a freaking mess with hundreds and hundreds of game notices I had to delete and these new list options that took me half an hour to figure out.  I'm sure there are more things I'll need to do to it when I get our interwebz back on again but for now it seems tidied up a bit.  Stella, Howard's mom, just called to see how they're doing.  She sounds like a very nice lady.  Anyway, off I go into the wild cyber yonder!!! 

Friday Friday Friday

A quiet end to a long afternoon.  Got to sleep in this morning like a teenager....climbed out of bed when Kyle came back to bed at nearly noon!  lol  Had some errands to do before getting Sammy for the day, though, so I had to get up and get moving.  Got my errands done, picked Sammy up, dropped Spence and Wyatt off at Esther's house and home again, home again!  Now Kyle's off to work for the night, Colin's been fighting with software on the laptop all night in his room and he's there now, Sammy's passed out cold in the playpen for the night.  Joann is working until 7am, then off until 7pm, so I'll drop Sammy off there in the morning.  Quinton will be there and she'll be there in bed.  That works out well for me as Steph and I are going to the Parishville town wide garage sales tomorrow.  Originally Kimmy was going to come with us and sit Sammy in the car, but turns out Shawn has to work so Kimmy is needed at home to watch her younger siblings.  This new development saves me from having to deal with any of it at all.  Mind you, Sam at almost 15 months is totally cool with going to garage sales.  He's very well behaved and reasonably easy to take along with me.  BUT going without him is always going to be easier!  lol

Colin is remaking Zombie Apocalypse, the first one, and he just showed me the opening scene and it's AWESOME!!!  Can't wait to see how he does with the rest of it!  If you don't follow his movies you really should....go to my about.me/Saille page and follow it to my You Tube account...I'm subscribed to him.  He's got a couple of accounts, actually, so here:
http://www.youtube.com/user/CrazycolinStudio

Anyway....wish me luck at the sales tomorrow!!  Last year's sales in Parishville were really good, though I ended up going by myself.  It'll be nice to have company tomorrow!

Blah Blah Blah

Had a good workout at the gym today.  Margaret let me know as we were headed there that she was getting her hair done after the gym.  I mentioned that I'd like to know these things prior to the time of departure....but I still got home in plenty of time to grab a quick shower and do what little tidying I wanted to get done before April got here with the boys.
We had to nix the fishing and swimming plans for the afternoon.  There have been scattered thunder showers all day and into the evening and not only is everything fairly soaked, but I have no desire to sit in a giant metal boat on a river holding a large rod waiting for the lightning!!!  lol  If the rain stays away for the next hour we'll go light a nice fire in the back yard and they can play outside, toast marshmallows and that kind of thing.  Matthew and Little Gordie are nice to have around.  They're both very polite, well mannered boys and they come from homes with very similar rules as my own so that makes for a nice evening.  They really all just shut themselves in the room and occasionally strange noises come out of there... bombs, guns, video game stuff....

Sounds like Becky is going to go to Dar's tomorrow for dinner and Jen and Crystal will meet her there and they'll have dinner and some drinks and stuff.  It'd be nice to go, but I have absolutely zero dollars and get paid Friday.  So I guess I'll have to sit this one out.  Kind of depressing, but there are worse things.

Happy Hump Day!

Wow....so I got all that scrapbooking stuff organized.  Everything fit into the three Creative Memories cases I got, so I'll use my blue dragonfly case that Mom got me years ago as my travel case.  I'll stock it with basics and when I'm going to go somewhere to scrap I'll put what I will want to use that day into it.
Going through the pictures took HOURS!!! Wow....the 2005 and 2006 stacks were massive.  I had a trunk full of pictures in the basement...thankfully I'd left them in the envelopes they all came in so sorting them by date wasn't that difficult. Colin didn't change much in those years so the few that were undated were tricky, but it's not like it's that big of a deal if it's not 100% accurate.  After 2007 it drops right off because that's when I got the digital camera.  Which only means now I need to go buy more ink so I can get some of THOSE pics printed up!!!  LOL!!
Heading over to Margaret's (Hammill) in a few minutes to head to Heart to Heart.  We've been doing this since March/April'ish.  She really can't drive anymore...her right leg is too messed up.  Christine LaShomb was taking her but couldn't do it all the time then got a job and couldn't do it at all.  So the days I don't have Sammy I take her and the odd days Angela Tye (don't know her married name) takes her.  Long stories there but really don't have time for it now.  But I'm down to a size 14 and headed into a 12 -- my goal is to be a solid 12 by the holidays.
But...time to slug the last of that cuppa java and hit the road!!
Have a great day folks!!!

Just Another Manic....oh, wait....

Pretty lazy day today...really.  Joann texted me in the a.m. to let me know I wouldn't  have the baby today as Robert would be home late morning.  So I puttered around doing laundry and tidying stuff.  Robert ended up bringing the baby to me for a few hours so he could take the other boys to the movies, so Colin, Sam and I hung out, had some lunch and giggled and played for a few hours.  Kyle went to Brian Jenack's shop for a few hours, took a nap then headed to work.  Colin and I are just hanging out now watching an episode of House in the DVR.  Very, very quiet!  lol

I got a set of the nice, black scrapping bags by Creative Memories like my demonstrator always had.  Found them at a garage sale and got all three for $37.  When this episode of House is over I'm going to head for the diningroom and start setting all my scrapping stuff up on the table....get it all out of the bags and boxes then organize it into those bags.  WooHoo!  I've decided that I'll do a scrapping night.  I'm thinking every other Thursday from 6-8pm starting in September.  The day will likely change because both Steph and Jen's kids will have various things going on.  So once they all get that straight and get back to me I'll pick which day works the best for the most people the most often and go with that.  It's helpful that Joann and I both have the same days off!  lol

Kyle sold his V-Maxx recently.  We got the car fixed, and used what was left as a bit of mad money.  He got a little Dell Netbook used for a srsly low price.  Colin got his old laptop to use for his editing which was very exciting for him.  That and we bought him a new camcorder -- I found a very nice Vivitar on sale at RadioShack for only $200.  It's super nice and he's very happy with it.  He also wants one called a Go Pro which is what they use on the Deadliest Catch series to get all those srsly cool water shots -- it's waterproof and shock proof and all sorts of good things like that.  My brother Matthew is checking it out and talking to some friends of his who know all about filming, etc.

Spent Saturday evening with the McGinns clan....had a tasty dinner, did some swimming, had an excellent campfire and hung out all night.  Spent the next afternoon at Mom and Dad's with them and the Grass clan.  A very relaxing day with yet more amazing food, the years first corn on the cob, hung out.  The boys got hooked fishing so I ended up going home and getting some laundry done while the house was quiet.

The goodies from my latest Pampered Chef party should arrive tomorrow -- looking forward to that.
Saturday are the town wide garage sales in Parishville.  I went alone last year but this year Steph and I will be going.  Kimmy will come along and babysit Sam with us while we shop!  :-)  Hopefully I'll find some cool things!

Colin is taking piano lessons from Carrie (Dufresne) Kenney up the road at Breezy Maples.  He wanted to then didn't want to, then I told him he could pick from piano, guitar and voice, all of which she offers.  After talking to her he picked piano.  I still have to make him keep at it, but I think he's got a real talent for it.  And as I'm not biased or anything....!  lol

Well, off to organize some of that scrapping stuff....I've got a big ole bottle of white zin I may open to go with it!  lol

Mostly a lazy day. Slept in until nearly 9am. Stayed in my jammies until Mom was bringing Colin home. Then he and I got the garden finally planted and cleaned the ick out of his pool to refill it. Now just watching Gettysburg and enjoying the afternoon.

When did 'no' become insulting?  When did we, as a culture, stop saying 'no' because it might hurt somebody's feelings?  No IS an acceptable answer to almost any situation.  If somebody asks you to do them a favor and you really don't want to, say "no".  If somebody wants to impose on you in some way and it's going to cause problems and hard feelings, just say "no".  Maybe if we started to say NO once in a while, right up front, people would toughen up a bit and learn to accept NO as an answer.  We manage to use it in smaller situations....do you want coffee?  No.  Do you want dessert?  No.  Do you want some of Aunt Matilda's fruitcake?  No.  How about we start learning to use NO in even more areas?  Do you want to be my personal babysitter?  No.  Do you want to do my taxes for me?  No.  Do you want to do my housework for me?  No.  Do you want to dog sit for me?  No.  Do you want to go to dinner with me?  No.  Do you want to.....NO.
It is frustrating to find out that you've asked somebody to do something and they only said Yes out of obligation and now they are frustrated and resentful that you took them up on the Yes!  If you mean no, say NO.  No IS an acceptable answer!!

Of course, there are times when despite what we want, you just can't say no.  Sometimes we need to put others before ourselves....that's life.  If you don't do this once in a while you'll have nobody around you who gives a crap about you.  But there's a difference between helping people out and doing your best impression of a doormat.  You can say yes on occasion without it becoming a habit.  And it's totally okay, completely rational to say YES to person one and NO to person two.  Just because you helped me learn to sew doesn't mean that now any time somebody asks you for a sewing lesson you're obligated to do it.  Say NO and move on.  One act of kindness does NOT obligate you to more, no matter what people try to make you feel.

NO also does not require an explanation.  This is another great mystery of today's 'NO' problem.  When we do manage to work ourselves up to being able to say NO we seem to follow it with a "because" and some explanation.  I'm sorry Aunt Matilda that I can't eat your fruitcake....it's because I'm allergic to grapes.  Why do you need to explain yourself?  You don't.  If Aunt Matilda really wants to know she can ask, I suppose, but she probably won't.  She'll either try to force feed you or take your no and move on.  Much of the time these explanations are complete lies made up on the spot in some attempt to cushion the no in case it might cause hurt feelings.  Stop it.  It really doesn't require an explanation.  Just a simple, "No, thank you," will usually do.  No is not rude.  Saying no does not make you a bad person.  No is just the other option when Yes isn't going to work for you.  If somebody gets their feelers hurt because they were told no that's THEIR problem, that's THEIR insecurity, that's THEIR ego twitching.  It's not your problem.  Let it go.  They'll learn to deal.

Even worse than the incessant explaining are the apologizers.  "No....I'm sorry."  No does not require an apology.  You do not have to apologize for not being anybody's personal servant, their assistant or for just not being able to or wanting to do what they've asked of you.  The answer can be NO without having to beg forgiveness.  Unless you've done something which you'd like to be forgiven for then don't apologize.  And you should NOT need to be forgiven for saying NO.  You are EQUAL to the people around you.  I don't care what the age differences are, or how the levels of experience differ, I don't care who makes more money, has more children, lives in a better neighborhood, drives a nicer car, has more schooling, etc.  Each person is created equal....isn't that what we learned in school?  Isn't that what we teach our children?  Then stop apologizing as if somehow you have an obligation to live up to for the people around you.  Save the apologies for when you've done something wrong....we all have plenty of that.  Besides....if you stop throwing 'sorry' around like an everyday kind of word it'll mean more when you do have to use it appropriately.

So next time you mean no say NO.  Don't explain yourself, don't apologize for having a backbone, a life, your own mind, thoughts, feelings, etc.....just say NO.  No, thank you.  Thank you, but no.  I'm good, thanks.  I don't want any, thanks.  I'll have to pass this time.  Or just a smile and a simple "No," will suffice.

100 Truths

LAST:

-1. Last beverage:    Coffee

-2. Last phone call:   Crystal

-3. Last text message:   Katie

-4. Last song you listened to:   Figured You Out by Nickelback

-5. Last time you cried:    Valentine's Day

HAVE YOU EVER:

-6. Dated someone twice:    Yes

-7. Been cheated on:   Yes

-8. Kissed someone & regretted it:   No

-9. Lost someone special:  Yes

-10. Been depressed:    Yes

-11. Been drunk and threw up:  Yes

LIST YOUR THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

-12. Red

-13. Blue

-14.  Black

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)

-15. Made a new friend?:   Yes

-16. Fallen out of love?:   No

-17. Laughed until you cried?:    No

-18. Met someone who changed you:   No

-19. Found out who your true friends were?:  Already knew that

-20. Found out someone was talking about you?:   Yes

-21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list?:    Yes -- hubby is on my friends list! lol

-22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life?:   Maybe 150

-23. How many kids do you want?: Wouldn't mind one or two more 

-25. Do you want to change your name?:  Nope -- it's perfect 

-26. What did you do for your last birthday?:   Hung out with my family

-28. What were you doing at midnight last night?:  Sleeping

-29. Name something you CANNOT wait for?:   Our tax return

-30. Last time you saw your Mother?:   About a week ago

-31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?: Nothing  

-33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?:   Yes

-34. Who is getting on your nerves now?:   The little dog

-35. Most visited web page?:   Facebook

-36. Whats your real name?:   Amy

-37. Nicknames:    Saille

-40. Male or female?:  Female

-41. Primary School?:   St. Joseph's then Trinity Catholic

-42. Secondary School?:   J.W. Leary Jr. High

-43. High school/tech school/college?:    Massena Central HS

-44. Hair color:    light brown

-45. Long or short:   short

-46. Height:  5'4"

-47. Do you have a crush on someone?:   No

-48: What do you like about yourself?:   Ability to listen

-49. Piercings:  Ears

-50: Tattoos:   None

-51. Righty or lefty: Righty  

FIRSTS :

-52. First surgery:   c-section

-53. First piercing:   ear

-54. First best friend:   Crystal

-55. First sport you joined:  None

-56. First vacation:   Walt Disney World

-57. First nightmare:   A witch in my bedroom stirring a cauldron

-58. First Love:   Matt S. 

RIGHT NOW:

-59. Watching:   Nothing

-60. Texting:  Nobody

-62. Talking:    Nobody

-63. Listening to:  My kiddo playing xbox in the next room

YOUR FUTURE :

-64. Want kids?:    Got one

-65. Get married?:    Already am

-66. Career:    All set

EITHER/OR:

-67. Lips or eyes:   Eyes

-68. Hugs or kisses?:    hugs

-69. Shorter or taller:   doesn't matter

-70. Older or Younger:   right in the middle is fine

-71. Romantic or spontaneous:   spontaneous

-72. Nice stomach or nice arms:  arms!!

-73. Sensitive or loud:   in the middle

-74. Hook-up or long term relationship:   I'm happily married

HAVE YOU EVER :

-76. Kissed a stranger:   Yes

-77. Drank hard liquor:      Yes

-78. Lost glasses/contacts:   Yes

-79. Sex on first date:   Yes

-82. Been arrested:   No

-83. Turned someone down:    Yes

-84. Cried when someone died:   Yes 

-85. Fallen for a friend:    Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

-86. Yourself:    Yes

-88. Love at first sight:   Yes

-89. Heaven:    Depends on your definition

-90. Santa Claus:    Yes

-91. Kiss on the first date:   Yes  

-92. Angels:     No

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

-94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time:   No

-95. Did you sing today?:   Not yet

-96. Ever cheated on somebody?:    Yes

-97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?:  I wouldn't go at all.

-98. The moment you would choose to relive?:    None

-99. Are you afraid of falling in love?:   Never

-100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths?:  No.  It's kind of lame now that I've done it.  I'll post it anyway.  

30 Days of Truth

So I'm swiping this from a post in a forum I'm in.  It's a neat idea....maybe a touch corny, but neat all the same!  I figured I'd put it in here and share!!  Please feel free to join in, reply with your own answers or swipe altogether like I did!

30 Days of Truth

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
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The Fat Pendulum

So I've started working out.  By this I mean that as I pass the exercise machines on the way to the washer and dryer I stop and use them for a few minutes.  It's absolutely amazing how weak and out of shape I am!!  My 20th High School Reunion is this summer....unfortunately it's not only the weekend of my birthday, but the weekend that we take an annual trip to my brother and sister-in-law's in Henrietta to see the Air Show.  This year the Blue Angels are coming and that's a huge treat because they are really the top in the field.  So I intend to miss my 20th HS reunion.  I'd still like to get in shape before then, though....how weird am I?

Nine years ago when my husband and I started dating I was a size 16/18.  I'd lost some weight (185lbs or so kicking out the ex) being less depressed but it plateaued quickly because I had an under active thyroid.  When I realized that was the problem I got it medicated and dropped a bit more weight.  But being happy and being with a  man who found me sexy and hot just the way I was allowed me to be lazy and not really pay much attention.  Over the next four years before we got married I managed to gain a few pounds here and a few pounds there.  In 2005 I was diagnosed a Type 2 Diabetic at 32 and was about a size 22W then.  Yeah...I was FAT.....at 5'4" that is fat....there's really no other word for it unless you want to bury your head in the sand.

That was a HUGE wake up call....no pun intended.  I really took charge of myself.  I was walking up to four miles at least every other day.  I was active, I watched what I ate, I really went all out.  I went overboard.  I became the extreme version of myself being healthy.  And I burned out on it.  You can really only eat so many bowls of Kashi for breakfast.....so many properly balanced snacks and meals.....and you can truly only have pretend chocolate just so many times before you snap.  I didn't snap all at once....I slid.  I was the ultimate fat pendulum....I went from the most unhealthy version of myself, to the most healthy, and then began the swing back to unhealthy.  Two days before giving birth to my son in 2000 I weighed 215lbs and resembled a medium sized home.  In my unhealthy years I topped out around 230lbs.

There are plenty of reasons why I gained the weight....I enjoy food, I was happy and comfortable with myself and just didn't pay attention, it was too hot/cold to walk, I was too tired after working to exercise....all the usual bullshit.  Those reasons are not excuses.  There is no excuse for a 5'4" woman to weigh 200+ pounds.  No under active glands, no thyroid imbalances, no diabetes meds that "make" you gain weight...none of these things are excuses.  I just got lazy about myself and got fat.

Don't get me wrong....it wasn't that I had a low self esteem.  I didn't suffer from depression or anxiety or any personality or social disorders.  When I was working I worked, when I was home I cooked, cleaned, took care of my family.  I took showers, I wore nice clothes, I knew how to dress so that I looked my best, I wore make-up and did my hair.  I was not slovenly, I was not a slob, I was not as wide as I was tall or ugly or anybody you'd look twice at.  I was just another woman approaching middle age who let herself go...and went a wee bit further than she thought.  Being fat does not mean a person is lazy in general, or a slob or a bad person.

But we all know the story of the diet roller coaster; right?  So the weight came back and brought some friends....that's how it goes.  When I was outgrowing size 22W jeans and able to loosely wear a size 24W I had enough.  I didn't stop eating, I didn't buy some new diet pills, I didn't do a whole body cleanse, or buy shakes or go nuts.  I changed one thing.  I started with buying whole grain white bread instead of standard white bread.  I started buying Fiber One products like pancakes to replace the usual ones we'd eat, and their granola bars for snacks, and their cereals.  They even make cottage cheese now!  I gradually changed the things that I was buying not just for myself, but for my husband and son, from the typical crap to something better.  I started drinking more water and making sure not to sit for more than a certain amount of time even if I just got up to walk to the next room and drink a cup of water.  I focussed on gradually increasing the fiber in our diets because this is one very important and very ignored area of nutrition.  Fiber is king in the world of nutrition and it can change how your digestive system functions in it's entirety for the better.

It's been somewhere between two and three years since I've started this gradual campaign.  My family never really noticed they were eating healthier, they just were.  Nobody noticed when I dropped to a size 18.  Maybe because I was still wearing many of the same clothes and still dressed baggy.  When I pulled out my summer clothes in 2010 and none of them fit because they were too big people noticed.  When I started to wear a regular size 16 people noticed.  And it feels GOOOOOOOD to have people notice!  I gained a bit back over the holidays (big surprise) but I fully intend to be a 14 for next summer.  I know if I went on some program like Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Slimfast or something I could probably get down to a 10.  But I also know from past experience that I'd bounce right back.  It may be taking me a long time, but the weight is staying off.  Someday I'll be a size 8 again.

And so I'm working out again.  Just in bits and pieces, here and there, for a few minutes a few times a day.  But spring is coming and when the snow is gone maybe I'll get walking again and get back in shape.  Right now if I wear the right low cut shirt to a bar nobody really notices how fat I still am.  But I'd really like to feel sexy....I'd really like to feel that, when I put on an outfit, it looks goood.  I don't want to dress like a teenager or a college student.  I'll be 40 in a few more years and I have absolutely NO desire to relive my younger years, as much fun as they were.  But I would like to have the body confidence that I had back then.  Fifteen years ago I KNEW that my body was nice.  It wasn't as toned or as thin as some girls', but I felt sexy.  And that's the goal now....to feel sexy.  When my husband and I go out I want him to have his hackles up the whole night.  :-)   And when I have eyes for nobody else but him I want other guys to think he's a lucky son of a bitch.  And I'd like to feel like they're right. :-D

Go Steelers!!!

Well, it didn't look like the Steelers showed up to play in the first half.  But maybe....
The half time show was just awful....not without talent and planning, but techno crap annoys me.  Unless I'm drinking at a bar....then it's sometimes okay.  And srsly....who told Fergie she could sing?  Really?  I mean, really?
So let's hope the 2nd half of this game is waaaaay better than the first!!!

Mars and Venus, and Unemployment

It seems like the number one problem in relationships is the lack of communication.  It's not that the two parties don't say what they mean or don't speak up.  People don't seem to have much trouble expressing themselves.  The hiccup seems to be in really hearing what the other person is saying.  We want our partner to really HEAR the meaning behind our words, the emotions underneath what we're saying but we're not really doing that for them.  And when the hurt feelings build up and there's anger and pain and even some fear about the future of the relationship it becomes very hard to let those negative emotions go.  We're afraid that they'll be replaced with nothingness, and we'd rather have the anger and hurt than have nothing at all.

It doesn't help that men and women speak totally different languages.  Men have been engineered by biology and evolution to provide.  Their wiring is all about bigger, better, faster, stronger and how to get there.  Women are wired for emotional support and to create the nest, to create the home.  Our wiring is about comfort, nurturing, protection.  This is by no means exclusive....the gender roles haven't been that clearly defined since the day man went from being a nomadic creature to staying put, farming and brewing beer....er....that is, since we settled down.  But even though women can provide and men can nurture it doesn't change basic engineering.  We are what we are and our basic instincts are in our DNA.  I use the words man and woman in the traditional sense, but only you know which role applies to you so be flexible about the gender identities.

When a man loses his job or has his income cut it is NOT just a matter of trimming the household fat and hanging in there until things turn around.  It's about his manhood....about him losing his ability to take care of his family, his primary purpose is threatened.  No words of comfort, no assurances that things will be okay touch the anger and fear he has inside that he is failing, or worse, has already failed.  And he can't tell us because even if he really understands this feeling, he's a man and men just don't voice these things.  Fear is not an option....or something like that.  And yes, this applies to men no matter what their sexual orientation, no matter how much money is in the bank, no matter how secure the household finances are.  Unless he's stepping right into the next job and it is equal to, or greater than, the one he just got shut out of he will have a negative reaction to it.

So what can we do for them?  Well, that I don't have any great answers for.  It's important that we assure them that we still need them, that they are necessary, and that things will improve.  But it's equally important not to comfort them like a child which makes them think we see them like a child, like somebody we now have to take care of.   NOT complaining about what isn't getting paid or the things we can't have is important.  He already knows he's not making enough money (even if he is).  Reminding him drives the depression deeper.  If you can get him to talk to his doctor and try an antidepressant during the hard times is a good idea.  Otherwise, just hang in there.  Try to find other ways to do fun things that are affordable.  Family game nights, movie nights, "staycations" (and yes, that term is idiotic, but you know what I mean) -- the less impact on the overall feeling of contentment in the house the better.  Now might be a good time to find out what his dreams are....maybe he'd like to go back to school or open his own business.  There are so many programs out there for people who've been hurt by the recession that now is a great time to try something new.

It's just as hard for women when we lose our jobs, too.  For many women, staying home is a dream and when we lose our jobs and are handed this dream the negativity of the job loss is compounded by our own guilt at secretly wanting to be home anyway.  We want to clean the attic, we want to hunt the dust bunnies under the beds, we'd love to have a clutter free home, we'd like to cook some huge meal that blows everybody away.  But we know that having a one income household means doing without a lot of things that many families consider standard:  two cars, travelling, theme park vacations, fancy electronics, cell phones with unlimited data plans for everybody old enough to type, Coach purses, Tommy jeans, 4000 square feet homes with three stall garages on 1.5 acres of landscaped land, et cetera.  Society tells us we're poor if we don't have half these things and we buy into it.  All these things we "can't live without" make it necessary to have two incomes just to keep up with the bills.  So we work, and we hate it.  Being put out of a job is a dream come true....until the bills come and then we're eaten up with guilt for not helping to bear the burden we've created.

For women who have careers and jobs that they want outside the home losing that can be a huge blow to our self esteem.  Equality has come a long, long way in the last few generations, but it's still difficult to be a woman in the working world.  When layoffs and downsizing hits it is often the women who go home first with the archaic thinking that there is a "MAN" to provide for the household or they don't want to fire a "MAN" because he has a family to provide for.  As if somehow the women don't have the same responsibilities.  But if we voice opinions that we lost our job due to being a woman then we are using our status as a female minority to strong arm an employer into keeping us whether or not we're the best person for the job.  We're taking a job away from a "MAN" who has a family to provide for.  So we have these feelings to deal with, these stereotypes and images to contend with, along with all the usual fun and games that go along with unemployment.

Either way, as women we want to be comforted.  We already know how to hunt for a job.  We already know how to trim the fat in the household and how to stretch the dollars, even if we aren't always very good at it.  We know, academically, that there are other jobs out there and that we'll find one of those jobs and eventually it will all work out.  Women were built for endurance and we can handle the kind of stress that comes with the job hunt.  But we need a release valve...we need to rant and rave about the unfairness of life and how sometimes it feels like the world is out to get us.  We need to say it out loud how much it all sucks.  We don't want somebody to fix it for us, or to help us or to tell us what to do.  We just need to let the negativity out and have somebody say, "You're right.  It sucks.  But it will be okay."  Men have a natural instinct to want to fix things for us.  If we present a problem he feels that it is his job to take care of the problem.  So how can we get a man to listen to us?  This I have a suggestion for!  lol  Being a woman and all....  BEFORE you start to complain, before you release the valve on the pent up frustration and anger inside you, TELL HIM what you want from him.  Men do not take hints.  Men do not read between lines.  Men like straightforward instructions.  So come right out and say, "I need some comforting and just to vent."  This way he knows what is expected of him and he can help us in a way that is effective, which is what he wanted to do all along.

Whether you're married, whether your spouse is male or female, whether you're male or female....the dynamics of relationships usually work in fairly set patterns.  Whether you've got a masculine outlook on life or a more feminine outlook, it's important that your partner understand your needs and that you understand theirs.  Sometimes, when things have gone too far the bad feelings build up a wall between you.  Whether you're more wrong or they are, somebody has to open the lines between you.  Don't suppress the anger, don't pretend the hurt isn't there.  Instead, forgive.  Let the anger and hurt go.  Reach out to your partner and ask them what they need and then really listen to what they're saying.  If you do this for them that should set the precedent for them to do the same for you.  If it doesn't send them a link to this!!  And if nothing works then maybe it's time to consider other options.

Were We Tougher?

I was just posting back and forth with a good friend's daughter on Facebook.  Syd is a young teenager, a very pretty young girl with a good head on her shoulders.  Hopefully it stays that way in the upcoming years!  We started posting together because many of the local schools, including hers and my son's, are already on a two hour delay for tomorrow.  The standing temps are supposed to be about 30 below zero and if there's wind it'll feel that much colder.  Ya know, when I was a kid I remember standing out there waiting for that bus when it was so damned cold that my contact lenses froze in my eyes!!!  Literally!!
She pointed out that she doesn't have the modern conveniences I listed that make so many kids' lives easier:  a cell phone, her iPod has gone missing, she doesn't use the Weather Channel to predict the daily weather, her teachers don't allow calculators in class.  She straightens her hair where I used to crimp mine....which is basically the same tool, so the same burns and all that joy.  I wore mini-skirts, but her skinny jeans that are skin tights aren't exactly providing her with any pockets of warmth.  So yeah, she's not getting pampered in any special way right there!

But are they?  When I was in school the Superintendent's policy was that if she, in her 4X4 Blazer could get to the school then so could we.  And we did.  We bitched and moaned and cursed her for all eternity, but we got to school.  I remember once the High School WAS cancelled because the boiler had given up....I was in middle school at the time so we still had to go to school.  It was c-c-c-c-cooooold that day!!!  They say that it's because of the walkers.  Anybody living in a one mile radius of their school walks and there is no special bus to go get them when it's this cold out.  And being a town of about 12K people there isn't any public transportation.  Many parents to drive their kids and car pool others when the weather sucks, but many don't have the ability to do that.  Didn't kids walk when I was in school? Sure they did.

I guess, back then, people expected more out of kids and sued less over not getting their way.  Now-a-days a parent with legal resources would probably sue the school if their child walked to school and ended up with a cold a week later.  I'm hoping that's an exaggeration....but a nasty voice in one of these dark corners thinks maybe it's not so exaggerated.   Are we a better society for making things easier for the youth of today?  Does sheltering them the way we do really help them grow and mature in a productive way?  Sure, we're not hurting them any by not making them stand on the side of the road or walk to school when it's 30 degrees below zero.  I'd have LOVED it if they'd let me stay home!  But this is just one thing among many....how helpful are we being, really, when we're being so very helpful?