Today I would like to thank all the men and women who have served our country in any branch of our Armed Forces. On Memorial Day we pay tribute to all those soldiers who have gone from this world and remember them and their contribution to our Freedom. Today we pay tribute to those who are still here with us, who have given years of their lives to train and serve, to protect our country, to protect our rights, to protect our freedom, to allow us to live our lives without fear. Today is about the men and women who fought for us, who were wounded for us, who have scars that won't heal, who have dreams that won't fade. Today is about the American Soldier, to thank them, ALL of them, for doing what we cannot, for standing.
THANK YOU!
Thank you for making a decision to join the military. Thank you for going through the intense training to mold you into a soldier. Thank you for your years of service. Thank you for volunteering to be in harms way to protect us. Thank you for standing tall in the face of fear. Thank you for being willing to do all the things that a soldier has to do to be a soldier. Thank you.
World War II
Korea
Vietnam
Desert Storm
Afghanistan
Iraq
Thank you for everything before, during, and since.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_United_States_military_operations
Monday, November 11, 2013
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Common Core Protest November 18th
My son is in the 8th grade and because he is in advanced classes takes math and science at a 9th grade level. His math class, at least, is part of this recently implemented Common Core of Standards. Now, the CC (Common Core) looks good on paper and has some admirable goals, but at the heart of it, it is horribly flawed. It removes individuality, it teaches to a test, it was created by the wrong people, pushed through without the proper scrutiny and without enough input, it was untested and untried and yet it was applied nationally. Students are struggling, teachers hate it, parents are in an uproar. And lobbyists are having a field day with this nice, juicy issue to sink their teeth into.
I was invited to a group on Facebook with the goal of protesting the CC by keeping children home from school on November the 18th. This page is run very efficiently and looks to be highly organized by some very energetic movers and shakers. I've shown the page to my son and talked about the protest with him, about it's goals and about my reservations. My reservations are: Will skipping school around the nation really send the message that we're trying to send? Or will we only hurt the schools by way of funding troubles, and our children by missing school when now, more than ever, missing a day snowballs badly?
I've asked around looking for the opinions of teachers, but teachers are (understandably) elusive on Facebook. The creators of the protest assure their readers that this protest supports teachers, and is in line with what the teachers want, but until I hear from some real live teachers I'm just not willing to take that as gospel.
While looking through the group earlier today I see one of the organizers demonstrating protest signs to help fellow protesters see how they could be made. Her signs professed support for the Tea Party, Hatred for President Obama, and my favorite Common Core = Communism. My heart definitely dropped. Reading through the posts I did see another member post feelings similar to mine, which is that the Tea Party is NOT an admirable group to be aligned with, that this protest is not about politics for us parents, but about education, and that it should stay that way. I chimed in with my agreement. I was then informed that the Tea Party supports this protest publicly. I left the group immediately. I did comment, though I'm sure it was removed (I would have if I were her) that the Tea Party would like to see her barefoot and pregnant and making sandwiches. She did remark that she has Freedom of Speech and her signs can say whatever she chooses. She is correct -- and I support her right to do so. I also exercised my right, removed myself from the event, left the reason why in the box where it asked, and left the page. The enemy of my enemy is not always my friend. How lovely to find political support for the protest in Washington DC, how unfortunate that it's the Tea Party. Oh, and "Common Core = Communism"??? Now we're lowering ourselves to some very low levels of ignorance and sensationalism.
My son's school is having the Parent Teacher conferences the week prior to the protest, when the first report cards come out. I will have the opportunity, then, to discuss my son's work with his teachers. I will take that opportunity to ask his math teacher, who is being forced to teach using CC, what his opinion is about this upcoming protest. Though now I fully intend to send my son to school on the 18th, I am still a little bit on the fence about it. But the most important thing, in all of this for me, is my son's education. If nothing else, this protest allows me to show my son a real life example of critical decision making, peaceful protest, and how politics seep into everything.
I am not saying to other parents to participate or to not participate. I can only say, for myself, that I do not wish to be aligned with the politics being demonstrated by the organizers of this protest. Every parent should do what is right for their own family and what they feel is the best thing to do. I do sincerely hope that the protest is successful in it's goal of calling serious attention to the CC and hopefully get some real change happening.
I was invited to a group on Facebook with the goal of protesting the CC by keeping children home from school on November the 18th. This page is run very efficiently and looks to be highly organized by some very energetic movers and shakers. I've shown the page to my son and talked about the protest with him, about it's goals and about my reservations. My reservations are: Will skipping school around the nation really send the message that we're trying to send? Or will we only hurt the schools by way of funding troubles, and our children by missing school when now, more than ever, missing a day snowballs badly?
I've asked around looking for the opinions of teachers, but teachers are (understandably) elusive on Facebook. The creators of the protest assure their readers that this protest supports teachers, and is in line with what the teachers want, but until I hear from some real live teachers I'm just not willing to take that as gospel.
While looking through the group earlier today I see one of the organizers demonstrating protest signs to help fellow protesters see how they could be made. Her signs professed support for the Tea Party, Hatred for President Obama, and my favorite Common Core = Communism. My heart definitely dropped. Reading through the posts I did see another member post feelings similar to mine, which is that the Tea Party is NOT an admirable group to be aligned with, that this protest is not about politics for us parents, but about education, and that it should stay that way. I chimed in with my agreement. I was then informed that the Tea Party supports this protest publicly. I left the group immediately. I did comment, though I'm sure it was removed (I would have if I were her) that the Tea Party would like to see her barefoot and pregnant and making sandwiches. She did remark that she has Freedom of Speech and her signs can say whatever she chooses. She is correct -- and I support her right to do so. I also exercised my right, removed myself from the event, left the reason why in the box where it asked, and left the page. The enemy of my enemy is not always my friend. How lovely to find political support for the protest in Washington DC, how unfortunate that it's the Tea Party. Oh, and "Common Core = Communism"??? Now we're lowering ourselves to some very low levels of ignorance and sensationalism.
My son's school is having the Parent Teacher conferences the week prior to the protest, when the first report cards come out. I will have the opportunity, then, to discuss my son's work with his teachers. I will take that opportunity to ask his math teacher, who is being forced to teach using CC, what his opinion is about this upcoming protest. Though now I fully intend to send my son to school on the 18th, I am still a little bit on the fence about it. But the most important thing, in all of this for me, is my son's education. If nothing else, this protest allows me to show my son a real life example of critical decision making, peaceful protest, and how politics seep into everything.
I am not saying to other parents to participate or to not participate. I can only say, for myself, that I do not wish to be aligned with the politics being demonstrated by the organizers of this protest. Every parent should do what is right for their own family and what they feel is the best thing to do. I do sincerely hope that the protest is successful in it's goal of calling serious attention to the CC and hopefully get some real change happening.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Freedom of Speech
I'm seeing a lot of chatter in social media lately about freedom of speech. The media cites freedom of speech and freedom of the press when they want to write about anything they think will sell. Parents cite freedom of speech when their precious snowflakes say things online that get them into trouble. Employees cite freedom of speech when employers create rules and standards to regulate what their employees can post online for public consumption. There are a lot of examples of people crying out about their freedom of speech.
Let's see what we're looking at....here is the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution:
AMENDMENT I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.
James Madison said:
"the people shall not be deprived or abridged of the right to speak, to write, or to publish their sentiments; and the freedom of the press, as one of the great bulwarks of liberty, shall be inviolable."
Okay. So what we are reading here is that as an American, living in the United States, we all have the right to say what we want to say, to write it, to publish it, etc. What we are NOT seeing is anything granting citizens the rights to be free of any consequences of what we say, write, or publish. You have the right to call your employer a bungling asshat on Facebook. Your employer has the right to respond to that, which may include termination of your job. Your daughter has the right to send hateful messages to a fellow student telling her she should end her life. That other student, or her legal guardians, have the right to bring charges against your daughter for saying those things. A newspaper has the right to publish what they see fit, and their readers have the right to not buy that newspaper, and the subjects of their articles have the right to sue for libel if the situation calls for it. You have the ability to yell 'FIRE!' in a crowded theater, but you are not free from the consequence of being arrested for creating a public panic.
So yes, you DO have the right to Freedom of Speech. However, you are not exempt from consequence. If you use your right to harm others you can be held accountable for it. If you use your right to vent your ire publicly you can be held accountable for what you've said. Freedom of speech does not mean freedom from responsibility.
Let's see what we're looking at....here is the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution:
AMENDMENT I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.
James Madison said:
"the people shall not be deprived or abridged of the right to speak, to write, or to publish their sentiments; and the freedom of the press, as one of the great bulwarks of liberty, shall be inviolable."
Okay. So what we are reading here is that as an American, living in the United States, we all have the right to say what we want to say, to write it, to publish it, etc. What we are NOT seeing is anything granting citizens the rights to be free of any consequences of what we say, write, or publish. You have the right to call your employer a bungling asshat on Facebook. Your employer has the right to respond to that, which may include termination of your job. Your daughter has the right to send hateful messages to a fellow student telling her she should end her life. That other student, or her legal guardians, have the right to bring charges against your daughter for saying those things. A newspaper has the right to publish what they see fit, and their readers have the right to not buy that newspaper, and the subjects of their articles have the right to sue for libel if the situation calls for it. You have the ability to yell 'FIRE!' in a crowded theater, but you are not free from the consequence of being arrested for creating a public panic.
So yes, you DO have the right to Freedom of Speech. However, you are not exempt from consequence. If you use your right to harm others you can be held accountable for it. If you use your right to vent your ire publicly you can be held accountable for what you've said. Freedom of speech does not mean freedom from responsibility.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Sunny Summer Saturday
It's been an absolutely beautiful day here in Northern NY. I went to bed last night with a sore neck....I think I got whiplash moving paint cans or something equally foolish. Thankfully, this morning it had let go. So since I was up and had a few extra bucks in my pocket I went to Hogansburg, NY where they were having their town wide garage sales. This is a part of Akwasasne Mohawk Indian Reservation. There were so many sales!! I only hit about half of them, got some amazing deals on some random things, a little of this and a little of that, then I had to make myself stop. Hit Aldi's to pick up a few grocery items then headed home.
The kiddo has a couple friends over, so Kyle and I put a big dinner together. We had a smoked roast in the fridge from when we ran the smoker the other day, salt potatoes, fresh cherry tomatoes and some baked beans. Mmmmmmm!!!!!! The kind of meal that you want to just keep eating and eating until it's all gone! But there was way too much food for that, so we'll have tasty leftovers for the boys to scavenge in the night when they take a break from whatever video games they're currently playing.
Now it's time to relax. If Kyle didn't have to work tonight it'd be a perfect night for a campfire, but alas....his shift starts at 11pm so he'll need to go have a nap shortly. He's set up a Kindle and I've shown him a few sites for good book deals. I've been watching the X-Files so I'll put that on the Roku in a bit. I've seen it before, of course, but only a handful of episodes and the movie. In the 90's when it came out I was a college student, then a single girl on my own, so I never subscribed to cable where I could sit and watch any series completely. Now that everything is available thanks to streaming technology I can sit and watch entire series from start to finish, though! So it worked out very well, in the end. And I still don't pay for a regular cable or satellite subscription! I can't imagine why anybody does, these days.
My son's 8th grade schedule arrived yesterday. He will be in Team 3, which means nothing to anybody outside of that school, but it's handy that this year one of his good friends is on the same team so they'll have the same classes at the same time. Heck, they've even got homeroom together -- that poor, poor teacher! And he did stay in honors math and science, so this year he'll be taking Algebra and Earth Science. I got really lucky and found a TI-84+ Silver Ed. for $20 at a yard sale in the spring. He looked at me funny when I showed it to him, but when I explained that those suckers start at $70 and go up from there depending on sales and luck, he got the picture.
So that's it for today. No contemplative posting, no stories, just a relaxing day doing random assorted things. Happy Saturday!
The kiddo has a couple friends over, so Kyle and I put a big dinner together. We had a smoked roast in the fridge from when we ran the smoker the other day, salt potatoes, fresh cherry tomatoes and some baked beans. Mmmmmmm!!!!!! The kind of meal that you want to just keep eating and eating until it's all gone! But there was way too much food for that, so we'll have tasty leftovers for the boys to scavenge in the night when they take a break from whatever video games they're currently playing.
Now it's time to relax. If Kyle didn't have to work tonight it'd be a perfect night for a campfire, but alas....his shift starts at 11pm so he'll need to go have a nap shortly. He's set up a Kindle and I've shown him a few sites for good book deals. I've been watching the X-Files so I'll put that on the Roku in a bit. I've seen it before, of course, but only a handful of episodes and the movie. In the 90's when it came out I was a college student, then a single girl on my own, so I never subscribed to cable where I could sit and watch any series completely. Now that everything is available thanks to streaming technology I can sit and watch entire series from start to finish, though! So it worked out very well, in the end. And I still don't pay for a regular cable or satellite subscription! I can't imagine why anybody does, these days.
My son's 8th grade schedule arrived yesterday. He will be in Team 3, which means nothing to anybody outside of that school, but it's handy that this year one of his good friends is on the same team so they'll have the same classes at the same time. Heck, they've even got homeroom together -- that poor, poor teacher! And he did stay in honors math and science, so this year he'll be taking Algebra and Earth Science. I got really lucky and found a TI-84+ Silver Ed. for $20 at a yard sale in the spring. He looked at me funny when I showed it to him, but when I explained that those suckers start at $70 and go up from there depending on sales and luck, he got the picture.
So that's it for today. No contemplative posting, no stories, just a relaxing day doing random assorted things. Happy Saturday!
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Some Suggestions for a Peaceful Existance
1. Choose your battles.
Is it really worth the aggravation to try to force others to see your point in an internet debate or argument? You can pretty well tell within the first few exchanges if there's going to be an actual conversation where people share information and communicate, or if it's going to spiral down into a Jerry Springer episode. Life is too short. Shut the computer off and go do something productive.
Do you really think that your teenager is going to cheerfully do everything you tell her, never questioning you, never complaining, and maybe even without having to be asked at all? How often do you try to nail jello to a tree?
Your six year old dog is not going to learn, today, to stop barking at the neighbors. Bring him inside and let it go.
Your employer, if they're like most, is out to get as much out of its employees as possible while paying as little as possible. That's how business works in today's world.
If you try to fight every fight and win every battle, you're going to have a bad time. There are times when walking away, dropping it, letting it go, is really your best option. You don't have to win every time. It's not always worth the struggle.
2. Love yourself.
I don't mean that you should just not be suicidal. This means a lot more than we think when we throw that phrase around. This means stop hating on the grey hair. Buy clothes that fit and wear them instead of squeezing into those old jeans that give you a hernia and weeping about sizes gone by. This means that even when you're a hot mess you're still a worthwhile person who deserves good things. If you don't believe it, nobody else will. If you can't get there, get help. Real, professional help. This is a tough one to fix if it's gone wrong. You deserve love, both from yourself and from the world around you. If you can't believe that, you need to learn how.
3. Respect ALL Others
This one is kind of difficult. I've tried to find a better word to express myself, but haven't really come across it. My use of the word respect is meant as acknowledging that each human being has the same right to think, feel, behave, and live their lives how they choose, as any other human being. To respect each individual's right to exist on this planet; to grant that they are a human being, as each of us are, and that if we're born with any rights at all, then so we are ALL born with those same rights.
It's easy to respect people who earn your respect. It's easy to respect people who you like, whose choices you agree with. But what about the others? Your co-worker who stabbed you in the back to steal your promotion, your former friend who went nuts one afternoon, started freaking out on you, and hasn't spoken to you in a year, your uncle who spread terrible rumors about you because you wouldn't loan (give) him money, that person you read about in the newspaper who had her children taken away by social services because she was on drugs, that man living out of his car panhandling at the park, and more. Yes, there are people in this world that we like to say deserve no respect. We like to think that they are inferior, that because of their actions, their inaction, who they were born as, things they have or don't have, that we are better than they are. We don't like to say it that way, even inside our heads, but that's the core of it. We are wrong. That feeling is wrong. Every human being on this planet came into this world in the same way and is every bit as mortal, as fallible, as flawed, as beautiful. Some people make bad choices, terrible choices, choices that are ruinous to themselves or to others, sometimes to thousands of others. They are still human. The moment that you put yourself above them you make your own bad choice....because that's the same kind of thinking that gets them in those places. Nobody is superior. Smarter, maybe, luckier, certainly, kinder, gentler, more generous, sure, but nobody is a superior human being to anybody else. When you deny this to other people the only person you are hurting is yourself.
4. Explain yourself
Believe it or not, the people in your life are not mind readers. Nobody can understand what you don't explain. What do you feel? What do you want? Why? Expecting the people around you, even those who know you very well, to take hints, to just understand, to see you and somehow derive things from visual cues is all wrongful thinking. You see this most often in poor communication between men and women, but it happens to everybody. If your idea if going on strike is to stop doing dishes you might want to start by making sure that your housemates know you're frustrated about always having to do the dishes. If you want your partner to show you affection sitting at the table pouting might not be the best way to communicate that. If your children don't understand why you say something, responding with because I said so isn't very helpful.
We all get tired of it. We all wish somebody would just KNOW what we want, what we need, and provide that once in a while. The reality of it, though, is that nobody is psychic and the only way you'll ever get what you want is to communicate with others. I'm angry that nobody but me washes the dishes. I'm feeling upset and I'd really just like you to hold me for a while. You should do chores because a family is a team and we all have to pitch in.
By the way.....letting the people around you know when you're happy is a nice balance. Don't fall into the trap of just communicating the negative things.....communicate all of it.
5. Forgive
Forgiveness is hard. It's not enough to just say to others or to yourself, I forgive her. You have to actually mean it. But more than that.....you have to do it all over again. Oh yes! Forgiveness is not permanent, you see. You can honestly forgive somebody today and then in a week have a flash of anger or resentment hit you and discover that you've got to forgive that person all over again! Forgiveness is work, and it's hard work. It's a lot easier to just stay bitter, to just be angry, to hate....tiring, but easier. Forgiveness means letting go of pain, it means no longer holding somebody else accountable for the pain that you feel at their hands, and it means that you have to let the incident fall behind you and become a part of the past. It also means that when the hurt resurfaces that you have to deal with it all by yourself, that you can't resurface the entire situation and hold the person accountable all over again, but deal with it by yourself and go through the steps of letting it all go, all over again.
Even more....it means forgiving yourself.
6. Admit Your Mistakes
Guess what? You're human. As a part of the human race, you make mistakes, you have character flaws, you aren't perfect. Surprised? If you are, this may take some time.
Our world today has become a place where it's nearly impossible to offer criticism to another person. Constructive criticism, a very useful tool in helping people grow, is now considered a bad, awful thing. If an employer or co-worker offers some the response is often 'I know how to do my job!' If a friend offers some 'Who does she think she is?' If a partner offers some 'Why is s/he attacking me?' If a parent, sibling or other family offers is 'They just don't understand me!'
Well, maybe you can do your job better, which in the end could lead to raises, promotions, and a better future. Maybe she thinks shes you're friend and doesn't want to see you make mistakes and get hurt unnecessarily. Your partner hopefully loves you and may be having a problem with something you're doing. Your family understands you better than you think they do, usually, and hopefully wants what's best for you. When you make it impossible for anybody to ever say anything negative about you, you stop growing as a person. We all have room to grow, we all make mistakes, we all have things we can be working on. Instead of reacting in outrage and anger, try to listen to the constructive criticism and try to learn from it. Try to grow as a person.
7. Let Go of Regret
Most people will admit they have some regrets. The lists usually consist of bad relationships, poor financial decisions, and so on. Some people have larger regrets.....a marriage, a pregnancy, or other major life choices gone wrong. Regrets are wasted energy. They are negativity added into your life that never needs to be there. When you feel regret there are two questions to ask yourself. A) Do you like your life today? and B) If you don't like your life, what needs to change? If you like your life as it is today then regret nothing because all the choices, the wins, the failures, that you've experienced brought you on this path to where you are now. If you don't like your life then stop lamenting it and look at how to fix it. Change is hard, but often necessary for personal growth. Don't be afraid of it. The past is already gone but you have some control of the future if you'll only take the reins.
8. Don't Try To Change Others
Oh, this is a doozy! There is a line from the movie Jerry Maguire that sums this up so very, very much:
You will never get your ex to understand that you just wanted him to put you before his friends, and why that was so important to you, and to change accordingly. You've just got to accept that this is who he is. You will never get your girlfriend to not freak out over that magazine she found....if she doesn't accept it today she's not going to accept it in 10 years. This is how she feels and this isn't going to change. You aren't going to change your mother after all this time just by telling her that when she says you should lose a few pounds you want to consume a gallon of ice cream. If your BFF likes drama, nothing you say or don't say is going to change that so either get used to it or move on.
You do not have the power to change another person. You can't make him happy, you can't make her feel secure, you can't alter how they think or who they are inside. Learn to accept them for who they are, flaws and all, or let them go and find somebody who can.
9. Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged
"Oh, they're Smiths....you know! They live over in the Project Housing. All those Smith kids are bad."
"Well, she doesn't really HAVE to work, you know. Her parents are the Jonses! They're loaded."
"She got that job because they needed to fill a quota for female employees. It's not really a woman's job."
"He got into that college because he's black, you know. Equal Opportunity crap."
"Fat is not a handicap! If you'd walk instead you'd probably fix yourself!"
"Muslim?!? I don't want my kid in class with some terrorists kids!"
"Jeeez....feed her a cheeseburger or something! Where's the rest of her??"
"What??!! Are you retarded or something???"
Have you ever moved your hand protectively over your purse when a black kid with a hoodie was waling toward you?
Have you ever found yourself slowing down your speech and using smaller words to talk to somebody who is elderly?
Have you ever been horrified when somebody of the same gender hit on you?
Have you ever averted your eyes when walking near a biker in full gear? Avoiding eye contact?
Do you assume that all church goers believe the Bible word for blessed word and question nothing?
Do you think all gun owners are violent and aggressive people hoping to shoot somebody?
When a 7 year old child throws a full on tantrum in a store, do you assume his parents are morons who don't know how to raise a child?
If the person in front of you at the grocery store uses a food stamp card do you assume they're abusing the system?
If you see a young woman who appears to be in her teens with a baby or pregnant do you give her a dirty look or think she's a whore?
The list goes on. You know it does. And you know we all do it. I do it! We are raised with attitudes about certain groups of people, we pick more up along the way. We shed some when we get to know people and have life experiences, but we gain others from negative experiences. Making these judgments is a part of human nature; it's hardwired into us. But that is no excuse. Human beings have proven for centuries that we are more than just our biology, more than just another animal in the animal kingdom full of instincts and reactions we don't control. We control our own behaviors. We control our speech. We can even control our very thoughts! *gasp* So when you find yourself muttering about somebody, making some knee jerk comment related to their appearance, age, gender, sexual orientation, intelligence, etc......go back to #3, remember that you, too, do stupid things and make people angry, and try to let go of the judgmental attitude.
10. Meditate.
There are 24 hours in the day. Take 10 minutes of the 1440 minutes in that day for yourself. You don't have to sit with your legs crossed chanting OM, you don't have to light candles, burn incense, have complete silence, solitude, or any other stereotypical thing we associate in our heads with meditation. Lay in bed and listen to music. Take a walk around the block. Lock yourself in the laundry room and sit quietly for a bit listening to the whir of the washing machine. Stop on the way home from work at a park and just sit on a bench for a few minutes in the sun. Or in the rain. Or in your car! Whatever, where ever, it doesn't matter how you do it, just do it. Whatever it is that helps you to relax, that helps you turn off the cacophony inside your head, that helps that knot in your neck, your back, your gut, to untie even a little. DO IT. You may feel silly at first, like you're wasting valuable time that could be spent doing something else. Do it anyway. You just have to trust me on this one. Practice shutting those voices down. Practice sitting quietly. Practice giving yourself 10 whole, entire minutes. It really matters.
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I wrote this all because it was in my mind. I've got two family members who I have to keep forgiving, keep accepting for who they are, and keep letting go what they did to me. My own anger and desire for retaliation has even kept me awake at night, even. I want them to know how they hurt me, I want them to know that my lack of response isn't because they were right but because responding just validates the horrible things they say, I want them to know what I think of them. It's damned hard to work through forgiving them every time my brain dredges it all up, but I'm working on it.
So I started thinking about WHY I need to work so hard to forgive them, and writing these things down is just my way of sorting it all out in my own head. If you get something out of it, I'm glad. But believe me!!! I know that it's easy to write, and it's easy to read, but if it were easy to do the world would be an entirely different place!!!!
Peace!
Is it really worth the aggravation to try to force others to see your point in an internet debate or argument? You can pretty well tell within the first few exchanges if there's going to be an actual conversation where people share information and communicate, or if it's going to spiral down into a Jerry Springer episode. Life is too short. Shut the computer off and go do something productive.
Do you really think that your teenager is going to cheerfully do everything you tell her, never questioning you, never complaining, and maybe even without having to be asked at all? How often do you try to nail jello to a tree?
Your six year old dog is not going to learn, today, to stop barking at the neighbors. Bring him inside and let it go.
Your employer, if they're like most, is out to get as much out of its employees as possible while paying as little as possible. That's how business works in today's world.
If you try to fight every fight and win every battle, you're going to have a bad time. There are times when walking away, dropping it, letting it go, is really your best option. You don't have to win every time. It's not always worth the struggle.
2. Love yourself.
I don't mean that you should just not be suicidal. This means a lot more than we think when we throw that phrase around. This means stop hating on the grey hair. Buy clothes that fit and wear them instead of squeezing into those old jeans that give you a hernia and weeping about sizes gone by. This means that even when you're a hot mess you're still a worthwhile person who deserves good things. If you don't believe it, nobody else will. If you can't get there, get help. Real, professional help. This is a tough one to fix if it's gone wrong. You deserve love, both from yourself and from the world around you. If you can't believe that, you need to learn how.
3. Respect ALL Others
This one is kind of difficult. I've tried to find a better word to express myself, but haven't really come across it. My use of the word respect is meant as acknowledging that each human being has the same right to think, feel, behave, and live their lives how they choose, as any other human being. To respect each individual's right to exist on this planet; to grant that they are a human being, as each of us are, and that if we're born with any rights at all, then so we are ALL born with those same rights.
It's easy to respect people who earn your respect. It's easy to respect people who you like, whose choices you agree with. But what about the others? Your co-worker who stabbed you in the back to steal your promotion, your former friend who went nuts one afternoon, started freaking out on you, and hasn't spoken to you in a year, your uncle who spread terrible rumors about you because you wouldn't loan (give) him money, that person you read about in the newspaper who had her children taken away by social services because she was on drugs, that man living out of his car panhandling at the park, and more. Yes, there are people in this world that we like to say deserve no respect. We like to think that they are inferior, that because of their actions, their inaction, who they were born as, things they have or don't have, that we are better than they are. We don't like to say it that way, even inside our heads, but that's the core of it. We are wrong. That feeling is wrong. Every human being on this planet came into this world in the same way and is every bit as mortal, as fallible, as flawed, as beautiful. Some people make bad choices, terrible choices, choices that are ruinous to themselves or to others, sometimes to thousands of others. They are still human. The moment that you put yourself above them you make your own bad choice....because that's the same kind of thinking that gets them in those places. Nobody is superior. Smarter, maybe, luckier, certainly, kinder, gentler, more generous, sure, but nobody is a superior human being to anybody else. When you deny this to other people the only person you are hurting is yourself.
4. Explain yourself
Believe it or not, the people in your life are not mind readers. Nobody can understand what you don't explain. What do you feel? What do you want? Why? Expecting the people around you, even those who know you very well, to take hints, to just understand, to see you and somehow derive things from visual cues is all wrongful thinking. You see this most often in poor communication between men and women, but it happens to everybody. If your idea if going on strike is to stop doing dishes you might want to start by making sure that your housemates know you're frustrated about always having to do the dishes. If you want your partner to show you affection sitting at the table pouting might not be the best way to communicate that. If your children don't understand why you say something, responding with because I said so isn't very helpful.
We all get tired of it. We all wish somebody would just KNOW what we want, what we need, and provide that once in a while. The reality of it, though, is that nobody is psychic and the only way you'll ever get what you want is to communicate with others. I'm angry that nobody but me washes the dishes. I'm feeling upset and I'd really just like you to hold me for a while. You should do chores because a family is a team and we all have to pitch in.
By the way.....letting the people around you know when you're happy is a nice balance. Don't fall into the trap of just communicating the negative things.....communicate all of it.
5. Forgive
Forgiveness is hard. It's not enough to just say to others or to yourself, I forgive her. You have to actually mean it. But more than that.....you have to do it all over again. Oh yes! Forgiveness is not permanent, you see. You can honestly forgive somebody today and then in a week have a flash of anger or resentment hit you and discover that you've got to forgive that person all over again! Forgiveness is work, and it's hard work. It's a lot easier to just stay bitter, to just be angry, to hate....tiring, but easier. Forgiveness means letting go of pain, it means no longer holding somebody else accountable for the pain that you feel at their hands, and it means that you have to let the incident fall behind you and become a part of the past. It also means that when the hurt resurfaces that you have to deal with it all by yourself, that you can't resurface the entire situation and hold the person accountable all over again, but deal with it by yourself and go through the steps of letting it all go, all over again.
Even more....it means forgiving yourself.
6. Admit Your Mistakes
Guess what? You're human. As a part of the human race, you make mistakes, you have character flaws, you aren't perfect. Surprised? If you are, this may take some time.
Our world today has become a place where it's nearly impossible to offer criticism to another person. Constructive criticism, a very useful tool in helping people grow, is now considered a bad, awful thing. If an employer or co-worker offers some the response is often 'I know how to do my job!' If a friend offers some 'Who does she think she is?' If a partner offers some 'Why is s/he attacking me?' If a parent, sibling or other family offers is 'They just don't understand me!'
Well, maybe you can do your job better, which in the end could lead to raises, promotions, and a better future. Maybe she thinks shes you're friend and doesn't want to see you make mistakes and get hurt unnecessarily. Your partner hopefully loves you and may be having a problem with something you're doing. Your family understands you better than you think they do, usually, and hopefully wants what's best for you. When you make it impossible for anybody to ever say anything negative about you, you stop growing as a person. We all have room to grow, we all make mistakes, we all have things we can be working on. Instead of reacting in outrage and anger, try to listen to the constructive criticism and try to learn from it. Try to grow as a person.
7. Let Go of Regret
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Most people will admit they have some regrets. The lists usually consist of bad relationships, poor financial decisions, and so on. Some people have larger regrets.....a marriage, a pregnancy, or other major life choices gone wrong. Regrets are wasted energy. They are negativity added into your life that never needs to be there. When you feel regret there are two questions to ask yourself. A) Do you like your life today? and B) If you don't like your life, what needs to change? If you like your life as it is today then regret nothing because all the choices, the wins, the failures, that you've experienced brought you on this path to where you are now. If you don't like your life then stop lamenting it and look at how to fix it. Change is hard, but often necessary for personal growth. Don't be afraid of it. The past is already gone but you have some control of the future if you'll only take the reins.
8. Don't Try To Change Others
Oh, this is a doozy! There is a line from the movie Jerry Maguire that sums this up so very, very much:
- And oh, I don't know if you're interested in this detail, but I was just about to tell you that I love him. I love him, and I don't care what you think. I love him for the man he wants to be, and I love him for the man he almost is. I love him.
You will never get your ex to understand that you just wanted him to put you before his friends, and why that was so important to you, and to change accordingly. You've just got to accept that this is who he is. You will never get your girlfriend to not freak out over that magazine she found....if she doesn't accept it today she's not going to accept it in 10 years. This is how she feels and this isn't going to change. You aren't going to change your mother after all this time just by telling her that when she says you should lose a few pounds you want to consume a gallon of ice cream. If your BFF likes drama, nothing you say or don't say is going to change that so either get used to it or move on.
You do not have the power to change another person. You can't make him happy, you can't make her feel secure, you can't alter how they think or who they are inside. Learn to accept them for who they are, flaws and all, or let them go and find somebody who can.
9. Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged
"Oh, they're Smiths....you know! They live over in the Project Housing. All those Smith kids are bad."
"Well, she doesn't really HAVE to work, you know. Her parents are the Jonses! They're loaded."
"She got that job because they needed to fill a quota for female employees. It's not really a woman's job."
"He got into that college because he's black, you know. Equal Opportunity crap."
"Fat is not a handicap! If you'd walk instead you'd probably fix yourself!"
"Muslim?!? I don't want my kid in class with some terrorists kids!"
"Jeeez....feed her a cheeseburger or something! Where's the rest of her??"
"What??!! Are you retarded or something???"
Have you ever moved your hand protectively over your purse when a black kid with a hoodie was waling toward you?
Have you ever found yourself slowing down your speech and using smaller words to talk to somebody who is elderly?
Have you ever been horrified when somebody of the same gender hit on you?
Have you ever averted your eyes when walking near a biker in full gear? Avoiding eye contact?
Do you assume that all church goers believe the Bible word for blessed word and question nothing?
Do you think all gun owners are violent and aggressive people hoping to shoot somebody?
When a 7 year old child throws a full on tantrum in a store, do you assume his parents are morons who don't know how to raise a child?
If the person in front of you at the grocery store uses a food stamp card do you assume they're abusing the system?
If you see a young woman who appears to be in her teens with a baby or pregnant do you give her a dirty look or think she's a whore?
The list goes on. You know it does. And you know we all do it. I do it! We are raised with attitudes about certain groups of people, we pick more up along the way. We shed some when we get to know people and have life experiences, but we gain others from negative experiences. Making these judgments is a part of human nature; it's hardwired into us. But that is no excuse. Human beings have proven for centuries that we are more than just our biology, more than just another animal in the animal kingdom full of instincts and reactions we don't control. We control our own behaviors. We control our speech. We can even control our very thoughts! *gasp* So when you find yourself muttering about somebody, making some knee jerk comment related to their appearance, age, gender, sexual orientation, intelligence, etc......go back to #3, remember that you, too, do stupid things and make people angry, and try to let go of the judgmental attitude.
10. Meditate.
There are 24 hours in the day. Take 10 minutes of the 1440 minutes in that day for yourself. You don't have to sit with your legs crossed chanting OM, you don't have to light candles, burn incense, have complete silence, solitude, or any other stereotypical thing we associate in our heads with meditation. Lay in bed and listen to music. Take a walk around the block. Lock yourself in the laundry room and sit quietly for a bit listening to the whir of the washing machine. Stop on the way home from work at a park and just sit on a bench for a few minutes in the sun. Or in the rain. Or in your car! Whatever, where ever, it doesn't matter how you do it, just do it. Whatever it is that helps you to relax, that helps you turn off the cacophony inside your head, that helps that knot in your neck, your back, your gut, to untie even a little. DO IT. You may feel silly at first, like you're wasting valuable time that could be spent doing something else. Do it anyway. You just have to trust me on this one. Practice shutting those voices down. Practice sitting quietly. Practice giving yourself 10 whole, entire minutes. It really matters.
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I wrote this all because it was in my mind. I've got two family members who I have to keep forgiving, keep accepting for who they are, and keep letting go what they did to me. My own anger and desire for retaliation has even kept me awake at night, even. I want them to know how they hurt me, I want them to know that my lack of response isn't because they were right but because responding just validates the horrible things they say, I want them to know what I think of them. It's damned hard to work through forgiving them every time my brain dredges it all up, but I'm working on it.
So I started thinking about WHY I need to work so hard to forgive them, and writing these things down is just my way of sorting it all out in my own head. If you get something out of it, I'm glad. But believe me!!! I know that it's easy to write, and it's easy to read, but if it were easy to do the world would be an entirely different place!!!!
Peace!
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
The Dog Days....
What a terrible long week it's been. Last week, that is, not this week....so far. I turned 40 last week on Wednesday. I wasn't disturbed by the age, but for unrelated various reasons I had an absolutely awful terrible bad day that day. Thankfully my family had a get together and my mother cheered me up with the most awesome cake ever....Robert Redford cake ( http://www.justapinch.com/recipes/dessert/cake/robert-redford-cake.html ) and who can manage not to be cheerful between that and the ice cream? I got many awesome gifts from my brother and his girlfriend and my mother and father, and just getting out of the house helped my overall mood. So that ended up being a nice day....I just wept the first half of it.
The next night at nearly 11pm my cat of nearly 17 years turned up with a broken leg. After an hour of desperate calls it was determined that other than an emergency animal hospital across the border in Canada, there were zero options to get him any immediate help. I sequestered him in the bathroom and had to wait until morning to take him to his regular vet and hope for the best. I did know better, mind you, but there is always hope....that bitch.
In the morning, July 19th, he crossed the rainbow bridge at Java's Veterinary Center. The break was up in his shoulder and after he was gone the vet showed us just how extensive it was....which he told us the minute he looked at Lucky. Dr. Perez is an amazing vet. I got a sympathy card from them today. :( So it's been hard. I lost Lucky's twin brother a year and a half ago when he started to lose a lot of weight and behave differently, more clingy and strange. Now they're both gone. These were the first pets that I ever owned as an adult and they've lived with me nearly everywhere that I've ever lived since leaving home. Lucky was a quiet kitty and his lack of presence isn't as noticeable as when we lost his brother, Stinky, but the hole is there all the same.
I'm still reeling from my weight gain....I'm at 210lbs....that's a 35 pound weight gain in about three months. Thankfully it's garage sale season so I've been able to clothe myself! But things seem to have planed out and my blood glucose seems to be getting closer and closer to the mark, which is my primary focus at the moment. Not that I'm binge eating or anything, but my first goal right now is the have controlled blood glucose readings. Once I've mastered that I'll worry about the weight.
An online friend of nearly a dozen years died recently, as well. While her loss isn't something that will impact my regular life, I will miss seeing her online and just knowing that she's gone is a loss. She was just a good person, with a good heart.
Add in that the HEAT last week! OMFG the hideous horrible heat wave! It was that one week that we usually get each summer where the days are in the 80's or even the 90's, the humidity is right up there matching the temperatures so it feels about 10-15 degrees hotter than it already is, and at night it doesn't even drop below the 70's so nothing really cools off, until a few days in you'd like to crawl into a freezer and take a nap! The air conditioners can't even do more than make a vague attempt to draw some of the moisture out of the air, making it so that instead of actually puking you feel more like crying and being mean all the time. That broke over the weekend, thank you!!
I was supposed to hear whether or not I got a job I'd interviewed for by the 17th, but heard nothing. I'm guessing that things just got too piled up and the gentleman who was doing the interviews and hiring process probably didn't have time to do everything before his vacation. I've been in those shoes myself and it's hard....it's hard enough just getting things ready so they don't fall apart while you're gone! So I sent a follow up email today expressing that and hopefully I do hear back.....even more hopefully that I get the job, still, and that the reason I've heard nothing is that somebody else did and they didn't have time to contact all us rejects. ;)
So there were other things last week that contributed to the overall enjoyment of the misery....but that's most of it.
Meanwhile....This week is going much better. The weather is much nicer, I'm trying to catch up on my sleep, I've been able to pay off some bills and catch a few others up, and the house is tidy and clean. (Odd how that helps your mood, eh?) Also venting to various friends helps. I know I"m not alone and there are other people who aren't having the time of their lives, either. So onward and upward!
The next night at nearly 11pm my cat of nearly 17 years turned up with a broken leg. After an hour of desperate calls it was determined that other than an emergency animal hospital across the border in Canada, there were zero options to get him any immediate help. I sequestered him in the bathroom and had to wait until morning to take him to his regular vet and hope for the best. I did know better, mind you, but there is always hope....that bitch.
In the morning, July 19th, he crossed the rainbow bridge at Java's Veterinary Center. The break was up in his shoulder and after he was gone the vet showed us just how extensive it was....which he told us the minute he looked at Lucky. Dr. Perez is an amazing vet. I got a sympathy card from them today. :( So it's been hard. I lost Lucky's twin brother a year and a half ago when he started to lose a lot of weight and behave differently, more clingy and strange. Now they're both gone. These were the first pets that I ever owned as an adult and they've lived with me nearly everywhere that I've ever lived since leaving home. Lucky was a quiet kitty and his lack of presence isn't as noticeable as when we lost his brother, Stinky, but the hole is there all the same.
I'm still reeling from my weight gain....I'm at 210lbs....that's a 35 pound weight gain in about three months. Thankfully it's garage sale season so I've been able to clothe myself! But things seem to have planed out and my blood glucose seems to be getting closer and closer to the mark, which is my primary focus at the moment. Not that I'm binge eating or anything, but my first goal right now is the have controlled blood glucose readings. Once I've mastered that I'll worry about the weight.
An online friend of nearly a dozen years died recently, as well. While her loss isn't something that will impact my regular life, I will miss seeing her online and just knowing that she's gone is a loss. She was just a good person, with a good heart.
Add in that the HEAT last week! OMFG the hideous horrible heat wave! It was that one week that we usually get each summer where the days are in the 80's or even the 90's, the humidity is right up there matching the temperatures so it feels about 10-15 degrees hotter than it already is, and at night it doesn't even drop below the 70's so nothing really cools off, until a few days in you'd like to crawl into a freezer and take a nap! The air conditioners can't even do more than make a vague attempt to draw some of the moisture out of the air, making it so that instead of actually puking you feel more like crying and being mean all the time. That broke over the weekend, thank you!!
I was supposed to hear whether or not I got a job I'd interviewed for by the 17th, but heard nothing. I'm guessing that things just got too piled up and the gentleman who was doing the interviews and hiring process probably didn't have time to do everything before his vacation. I've been in those shoes myself and it's hard....it's hard enough just getting things ready so they don't fall apart while you're gone! So I sent a follow up email today expressing that and hopefully I do hear back.....even more hopefully that I get the job, still, and that the reason I've heard nothing is that somebody else did and they didn't have time to contact all us rejects. ;)
So there were other things last week that contributed to the overall enjoyment of the misery....but that's most of it.
Meanwhile....This week is going much better. The weather is much nicer, I'm trying to catch up on my sleep, I've been able to pay off some bills and catch a few others up, and the house is tidy and clean. (Odd how that helps your mood, eh?) Also venting to various friends helps. I know I"m not alone and there are other people who aren't having the time of their lives, either. So onward and upward!
Thursday, July 18, 2013
My Lucky Kitty
In bed, gotta get some zzz's. gotta take my 16 year old cat to the vet in the morning got a possible broken paw. Hoping that its just a sprain and that he's not going to have to be put down.
All positive energies and prayers are appreciated.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Do You Love Me!?
You know, the funny thing is that the only people whose opinions matter in my life are my husband, my favorite aunt, a couple of friends, my son....the list is pretty damned small. Yet, peoples' opinions still have the power to make me angry or upset, even though in the end what they think doesn't make any real difference.
I met somebody the other day who I really wanted to like. I didn't have the chance to really get to know her, though, as we were only at one function together with a number of other people. She managed to say a handful of things that taken by themselves were certainly offensive, or at the very least, a sign of poor manners. I wrote it off to her youth. I have since found out that there were quite a few other things that I missed and that were said after I was gone that were equally unfortunate, if not more.
This is not somebody who is ever going to be any real part of my life as she lives very far away and leads a very different life from me, but our lives DO intersect in some significant ways and it would have been nice if she were less arrogant.
C'est la vie, I guess.
I was talking to an online friend earlier about how people's opinions affect us. She is in a situation where she could really use the support of her loved ones. Her loved ones, who do rally around her siblings and others when they need it, don't even acknowledge her, much less recognize that she needs them, to the point that she doesn't really believe that they love her. Fortunately, she has immediate family who is truly wonderful and loving, and many friends who love the hell out of her, so she's not alone in the world. It makes a difference, though, when the people who should love us don't behave as if they do. And no matter how much we school ourselves to not have any expectations, their indifference, or worse, can really deal a blow.
Even if you don't get a chance to talk to somebody every day, or every week, every month, or even more than a few times a year, do make sure that you express how you feel to them. You might never know how much your love means to somebody. People don't often display their pain when they're in it, so you just never know when somebody is really hurting and that one little boost, that one moment of positive opinion, can change their entire day, or more. So throw out a text, a FB message, an email, a snail mail letter, or a good old fashioned phone call, and let somebody random know that you care.
I met somebody the other day who I really wanted to like. I didn't have the chance to really get to know her, though, as we were only at one function together with a number of other people. She managed to say a handful of things that taken by themselves were certainly offensive, or at the very least, a sign of poor manners. I wrote it off to her youth. I have since found out that there were quite a few other things that I missed and that were said after I was gone that were equally unfortunate, if not more.
This is not somebody who is ever going to be any real part of my life as she lives very far away and leads a very different life from me, but our lives DO intersect in some significant ways and it would have been nice if she were less arrogant.
C'est la vie, I guess.
I was talking to an online friend earlier about how people's opinions affect us. She is in a situation where she could really use the support of her loved ones. Her loved ones, who do rally around her siblings and others when they need it, don't even acknowledge her, much less recognize that she needs them, to the point that she doesn't really believe that they love her. Fortunately, she has immediate family who is truly wonderful and loving, and many friends who love the hell out of her, so she's not alone in the world. It makes a difference, though, when the people who should love us don't behave as if they do. And no matter how much we school ourselves to not have any expectations, their indifference, or worse, can really deal a blow.
Even if you don't get a chance to talk to somebody every day, or every week, every month, or even more than a few times a year, do make sure that you express how you feel to them. You might never know how much your love means to somebody. People don't often display their pain when they're in it, so you just never know when somebody is really hurting and that one little boost, that one moment of positive opinion, can change their entire day, or more. So throw out a text, a FB message, an email, a snail mail letter, or a good old fashioned phone call, and let somebody random know that you care.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
A Mother's Promise
A promise to my son as he begins his teen years and approaches manhood.
Son, I promise you that I will do my best not to embarrass you (excessively) in front of your friends in person or online.
Son, I promise that, though this is my house and my rules, I will give you as much privacy as I can.
Son, I promise that if a girl breaks your heart I will be here for you to talk to, to vent to, and I will commiserate with you about how awful girls are, and mean it.
I promise you that no matter who your friends and girlfriends are, I will try very hard not to judge them by how they dress, the color of their hair, the names of their parents, what street they live on, or other things that really don't define who a person really is.
I promise that I if I see somebody bad mouthing you on Facebook I will not respond.
I promise that I will never confront a teacher for picking on you, singling you out, or not being fair to you, unless they have broken some kind of law.
I promise that I will let you fight your own battles, whether it be with friends, girlfriends, teachers, people's perceptions, etc., even though it kills me not to step in.
I promise that I will try not to treat you like you're a child, even though there is a place in my head where you always will be.
I promise that as I have raised you with wings, I will let you fly.
As I have taught you independence, I will let you have freedom.
As I have taught you right from wrong, I will give you the room to make mistakes.
As I love you, I will let you grow up.
Or I'll at least try.
Son, I promise you that I will do my best not to embarrass you (excessively) in front of your friends in person or online.
Son, I promise that, though this is my house and my rules, I will give you as much privacy as I can.
Son, I promise that if a girl breaks your heart I will be here for you to talk to, to vent to, and I will commiserate with you about how awful girls are, and mean it.
I promise you that no matter who your friends and girlfriends are, I will try very hard not to judge them by how they dress, the color of their hair, the names of their parents, what street they live on, or other things that really don't define who a person really is.
I promise that I if I see somebody bad mouthing you on Facebook I will not respond.
I promise that I will never confront a teacher for picking on you, singling you out, or not being fair to you, unless they have broken some kind of law.
I promise that I will let you fight your own battles, whether it be with friends, girlfriends, teachers, people's perceptions, etc., even though it kills me not to step in.
I promise that I will try not to treat you like you're a child, even though there is a place in my head where you always will be.
I promise that as I have raised you with wings, I will let you fly.
As I have taught you independence, I will let you have freedom.
As I have taught you right from wrong, I will give you the room to make mistakes.
As I love you, I will let you grow up.
Or I'll at least try.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Paula Deen -- For Realz?
Okay -- Rule #1 is NEVER trust the media to be honest and unbiased. Since most of the links, blurbs, blogs, and comments that we see our friends post and share are based upon information gathered from the media, it's all suspect and subject to interpretation.
HERE is the link to the actual transcripts, to what was actually said:
http://www.cnn.com/interactive/2013/06/entertainment/deen-deposition/index.html
I strongly urge anybody who wants to have an opinion or discourse on the subject of Ms. Deen to read this. You don't need to read it to talk about what words are PC, or if certain words are okay in certain circumstances, or what your own opinions are about racism, bandwagon hopping, and so on. BUT if you want to intelligently discuss Ms. Deen's situation then forget reading news reports, forget watching You Tube videos, forget this opinion or that opinion by this celeb or that one, and go straight to the legal record. That's as close as you're likely to get to actual truth of circumstance short of having been present yourself at the time.
Having read this I can only say that Ms. Deen has not got a great deal of understanding about the proper application of workplace ethics regarding sex, sexual harassment, racial issues, and what does or does not offend people other than herself and her brother. She is proof that ANYBODY can become famous, no matter how intelligent they are, no matter how good a person they are or aren't, all they need is a gimmick. Ms. Deen can cook. That does not make her a role model but luckily for her it did make her rich. I don't think the fame was very lucky for her in the end as after the American People build up our celebs we relish tearing them back down and burning the wreckage. However, I don't believe that in the long run her core businesses, the restaurants, are going to suffer from the world finding out that she is no better than the rest of us.
If you think that she meant to be hurtful in her application of racial behavior and language, then I think that you're reading more into the situations than was ever there. Is Ms. Deen a racist? As much as anybody else is. And I firmly believe that we are all racist, despite our best efforts. It's bred into us when Mom locks the car door in the black neighborhoods when we stopped at the stop sign. It's bred into us when we assume that the Asian student in our math class has the best grades. It's bred into us when we ask the Native American woman if she knows of some herbal remedy for some random condition we have. It's bred into us when we assume that a Muslim hates Americans. It's bred into us from the time that we open our eyes outside the womb right up to and including today, and all of our tomorrows. The best that we can do is to try to see it in ourselves, overcome it, and try to be a better person tomorrow than we were today. But if we can't recognize the habits in ourselves, if we decide that we couldn't possibly do any wrong, that we couldn't possibly do anything bad, then right there and then we've decided not to learn and grow. And that's a lot of what's wrong with the world, right there.
So Ms. Deen has learned a lesson about fame in America. I think she'll come out of it okay in the end. The lesson here?
― Lao Tzu
HERE is the link to the actual transcripts, to what was actually said:
http://www.cnn.com/interactive/2013/06/entertainment/deen-deposition/index.html
I strongly urge anybody who wants to have an opinion or discourse on the subject of Ms. Deen to read this. You don't need to read it to talk about what words are PC, or if certain words are okay in certain circumstances, or what your own opinions are about racism, bandwagon hopping, and so on. BUT if you want to intelligently discuss Ms. Deen's situation then forget reading news reports, forget watching You Tube videos, forget this opinion or that opinion by this celeb or that one, and go straight to the legal record. That's as close as you're likely to get to actual truth of circumstance short of having been present yourself at the time.
Having read this I can only say that Ms. Deen has not got a great deal of understanding about the proper application of workplace ethics regarding sex, sexual harassment, racial issues, and what does or does not offend people other than herself and her brother. She is proof that ANYBODY can become famous, no matter how intelligent they are, no matter how good a person they are or aren't, all they need is a gimmick. Ms. Deen can cook. That does not make her a role model but luckily for her it did make her rich. I don't think the fame was very lucky for her in the end as after the American People build up our celebs we relish tearing them back down and burning the wreckage. However, I don't believe that in the long run her core businesses, the restaurants, are going to suffer from the world finding out that she is no better than the rest of us.
If you think that she meant to be hurtful in her application of racial behavior and language, then I think that you're reading more into the situations than was ever there. Is Ms. Deen a racist? As much as anybody else is. And I firmly believe that we are all racist, despite our best efforts. It's bred into us when Mom locks the car door in the black neighborhoods when we stopped at the stop sign. It's bred into us when we assume that the Asian student in our math class has the best grades. It's bred into us when we ask the Native American woman if she knows of some herbal remedy for some random condition we have. It's bred into us when we assume that a Muslim hates Americans. It's bred into us from the time that we open our eyes outside the womb right up to and including today, and all of our tomorrows. The best that we can do is to try to see it in ourselves, overcome it, and try to be a better person tomorrow than we were today. But if we can't recognize the habits in ourselves, if we decide that we couldn't possibly do any wrong, that we couldn't possibly do anything bad, then right there and then we've decided not to learn and grow. And that's a lot of what's wrong with the world, right there.
So Ms. Deen has learned a lesson about fame in America. I think she'll come out of it okay in the end. The lesson here?
“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”
― Lao Tzu
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Ode to MidNite
In the wee hours of morning, at three a.m.
I heard a funny noise.
It wasn't the dogs, it wasn't the cats, it wasn't the girls or boys.
What it was, I will tell you, was just a toy.
At three a.m. the house is quiet, the world is calm and dark.
But sleep won't come, at three a.m., it's gone on some dumb lark.
At dawn this will leave a mark.
But WAIT! That's right! Bzz sent me something to help
in situations like these!
"Get to Sleep... Get BACK to Sleep..." MidNite promises with ease!
"No Morning Grogginess" if you please!
Some melatonin and lavender, chamomile and lemon balm,
Working together to help me sleep the rest of the night long.
How could this go wrong!
Thank You MidNight for helping me get back to my night's rest.
If you haven't tried this, you've GOT to try this! (I've got it as a test!)
I have a coupon at your behest.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#imabzzagent #gotitfree #midnite
I heard a funny noise.
It wasn't the dogs, it wasn't the cats, it wasn't the girls or boys.
What it was, I will tell you, was just a toy.
At three a.m. the house is quiet, the world is calm and dark.
But sleep won't come, at three a.m., it's gone on some dumb lark.
At dawn this will leave a mark.
But WAIT! That's right! Bzz sent me something to help
in situations like these!
"Get to Sleep... Get BACK to Sleep..." MidNite promises with ease!
"No Morning Grogginess" if you please!
Some melatonin and lavender, chamomile and lemon balm,
Working together to help me sleep the rest of the night long.
How could this go wrong!
Thank You MidNight for helping me get back to my night's rest.
If you haven't tried this, you've GOT to try this! (I've got it as a test!)
I have a coupon at your behest.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#imabzzagent #gotitfree #midnite
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
You REEEEEally Don't Want To Do That!!
It's a sunny, gorgeous, idyllic, Spring Wednesday Afternoon. One of our dogs, Max, is on the back deck and he's trying very hard to catch a giant bumble bee in his mouth. Luckily for him, the bee is not dumb enough to sit still and wait for a demise by doggy.
I really should be doing dishes, or something along those lines....I meant to scrub the bathroom floor today, but it's already over 80 degrees out and it's just after one in the afternoon. It'll wait.
I'll be headed into town in a little bit to do some deliveries and run a few errands.....that's about the extent of my ambition until evening! This heat wave is supposed to break tonight or tomorrow, though, with storms followed by days of rain and 60 degree weather. Yay for my grass seed and flowers! The humidity has been in the teens.....I feel like I could flay the skin from myself when I get scratching. The burn ban is still on and yet there are brush fires and grass fires all over the place. I hear the Massena FD get toned out last evening for a bon fire behind one of the local grade schools. Those kinds of fires aren't even allowed in the village to begin with....lol! Then to do it during a burn ban? Bright.....just....bright.
I really love when I've got some quiet time and the dogs are playing out back....just watching them run around, chasing each other or playing keep away with a toy. They're not very active today as it's so hot and I'm keeping the water dish plenty full for them. It's just so nice to see them playing so innocently! :)
I suppose I'd best be on my way.....get my errands going.
I really should be doing dishes, or something along those lines....I meant to scrub the bathroom floor today, but it's already over 80 degrees out and it's just after one in the afternoon. It'll wait.
I'll be headed into town in a little bit to do some deliveries and run a few errands.....that's about the extent of my ambition until evening! This heat wave is supposed to break tonight or tomorrow, though, with storms followed by days of rain and 60 degree weather. Yay for my grass seed and flowers! The humidity has been in the teens.....I feel like I could flay the skin from myself when I get scratching. The burn ban is still on and yet there are brush fires and grass fires all over the place. I hear the Massena FD get toned out last evening for a bon fire behind one of the local grade schools. Those kinds of fires aren't even allowed in the village to begin with....lol! Then to do it during a burn ban? Bright.....just....bright.
I really love when I've got some quiet time and the dogs are playing out back....just watching them run around, chasing each other or playing keep away with a toy. They're not very active today as it's so hot and I'm keeping the water dish plenty full for them. It's just so nice to see them playing so innocently! :)
I suppose I'd best be on my way.....get my errands going.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Just Another....Trippy Tuesday?
Ah, and a quiet morning it is, too. It's overcast, sprinkling a tiny bit, and mid-60's out. We've recently bought 150' of rabbit fencing and fenced in the back yard all the way back to the woods, hung a screen from the French Doors that lead out to the back deck, and now the dogs and cats can go in and out as they please when I leave the door open for them. And OMG do they love it!!! I hadn't anticipated the cats going out, but once I realized that they were going to I decided to let them. The two girls shouldn't have any problems, and Lucky is 15 years old....he's earned some freedom. Milly has been barking at the neighbor's dog a lot, which has caused him to complain about her barking, but we're working on it. He suggested a shock collar, but she responds really well to a wrapping paper tube so I don't think I need to electrocute her.
Crystal stopped by last evening, though I was running errands, and Notarized the proxy for Colin's field trip to Washington DC. He'll be going in a few weeks. I don't remember why I didn't go....it was probably too much money. I'm glad to be able to send him -- and he'll go to Boston next year. I want him to see as much as he can, as young as he can. I want him to see the world as an exciting adventure that he CAN be a part of.
Jo is on her way over to drop Sammy off to me for the afternoon. She's got a lunch date she's headed for -- a picnic. :) I hope that the rain holds off for her!
I've been IMing and Texting with an old friend from high school, Kim. We had some vague falling out right at graduation and never saw each other again. She married young and moved out of the area and is a bit of an introvert, so it's no wonder, really. Sounds like she's done really well.....still with the same husband, some good boys, one a Marine....it's nice to catch up. It's nice to put that old mystery to rest and move on from it.
My current friendship mission is to track down Jen and actually see her! Hopefully, Crystal and I can get a date out of her to do some kind of get together. Jen is supremely busy, which her Type A personality must be relishing in, but we miss her. In the last few years the majority of our opportunities to visit with her have been limited to her family gatherings and parties, which I know I haven't made it to most of them. But as her girls get older, their birthday parties are more about them and having their friends around, not about their mothers friends and so on. And the New Year's Eve parties.....well, there are so many good memories at Proper NYE parties, but I like the comfort of being in my own house and I like that Kyle and I can both drink, not worry about who's driving, and be able to sleep in our own bed before dawn. It's just more relaxing....which as I get older is more what I'm about. So my opportunities to visit with Jen have shrunk. But hopefully we can track her down and nail her to a date to chill for a bit!!
I recently got a poisoned pen letter from my Uncle Chris and Aunt Cathy. They seem to have some ideas about me, and my mother along with them, that I can only shake my head at. And when pressed as to what my problem is by my mother I explained about the high blood sugar and the insulin shots I was about to start. However, she appears to have brushed that off, not recognizing it as an actual problem that could or would affect other things. The aunt and uncle in question are dead to me, now. They are very sick people with terrible addiction problems and terrible life problems brought about by their addictions and thieving behaviors. I'm not entirely sure why I became their current focus for drama/trolling, but I don't plan to pay any real attention to it. I can't eliminate it from my thoughts, as I'd like, but I can eliminate them from my life and prevent further drama and negativity. As for my mother, I don't even have the energy to answer all her questions. She seems to want to dissect my life and has made several negative assumptions about me based on no information and misinformation. Plus, we all know what they say about ASSumptions. So as I don't feel any pressing desire or need to psychoanalyze myself for anybody else, I simply won't. I love my mother, I respect her, and I often seek her opinions and the benefit of her experience, but in this situation she seems to have been influenced by her siblings and their very skewed outlooks. I'm sure she'll come to the same conclusions upon further thought. She's had a very difficult year, so much more so than anything I've had to go through, losing her sister, ongoing health issues, and various personal issues as we all have. I don't presume to know what's in her head, but I know she'll work it through because I know how smart she is.
The insulin is going really well, btw. I'm still taking my oral medications for the time being and have added a Lantus injection by pen each night before bed. Right now I'm on 17 units and gradually increasing. It's brought my morning numbers gradually down and headed in the right diretion, and has helped with the rest of my numbers. Everything is still too high, but the fluctuations are less drastic and things are getting better. I will see my doctor again in a few weeks, by which time I should have my morning number where we want it, and then I'm going to switch off all the pills and go to fast acting insulin for meals. I feel SO much better already both for finally dealing with this problem and for all the physical changes that come with getting healthier. High blood glucose leads to all sorts of problems, from depression and mood swings, to constant yeast infections, lethargy, mental confusion and fatigue, and a whole host of physical problems. There are so many more symptoms than most people know about when it comes to diabetes.....things like dry skin, brittle hair, etc. There are also many ill side effects from the pills. Januvia 100mg, glipizide 5mg, metformin 2000mg.....these are battering my liver and who knows what else they're doing....and they're not effective. I'm looking forward to getting off all of them. I also expect to come off the prozac soon, too, as having my blood sugar under control is most likely going to fix any persistent problems in that area.
So that's my most recent update. Still watching the (non-existent) job market, still learning to budget on a two week pay period (I don't think I'll ever get used to that....budgeting is just not part of my skill set), and rolling with the punches!
I hope you're rolling with your punches, too, and I hope that your problems aren't any worse than mine!
Crystal stopped by last evening, though I was running errands, and Notarized the proxy for Colin's field trip to Washington DC. He'll be going in a few weeks. I don't remember why I didn't go....it was probably too much money. I'm glad to be able to send him -- and he'll go to Boston next year. I want him to see as much as he can, as young as he can. I want him to see the world as an exciting adventure that he CAN be a part of.
Jo is on her way over to drop Sammy off to me for the afternoon. She's got a lunch date she's headed for -- a picnic. :) I hope that the rain holds off for her!
I've been IMing and Texting with an old friend from high school, Kim. We had some vague falling out right at graduation and never saw each other again. She married young and moved out of the area and is a bit of an introvert, so it's no wonder, really. Sounds like she's done really well.....still with the same husband, some good boys, one a Marine....it's nice to catch up. It's nice to put that old mystery to rest and move on from it.
My current friendship mission is to track down Jen and actually see her! Hopefully, Crystal and I can get a date out of her to do some kind of get together. Jen is supremely busy, which her Type A personality must be relishing in, but we miss her. In the last few years the majority of our opportunities to visit with her have been limited to her family gatherings and parties, which I know I haven't made it to most of them. But as her girls get older, their birthday parties are more about them and having their friends around, not about their mothers friends and so on. And the New Year's Eve parties.....well, there are so many good memories at Proper NYE parties, but I like the comfort of being in my own house and I like that Kyle and I can both drink, not worry about who's driving, and be able to sleep in our own bed before dawn. It's just more relaxing....which as I get older is more what I'm about. So my opportunities to visit with Jen have shrunk. But hopefully we can track her down and nail her to a date to chill for a bit!!
I recently got a poisoned pen letter from my Uncle Chris and Aunt Cathy. They seem to have some ideas about me, and my mother along with them, that I can only shake my head at. And when pressed as to what my problem is by my mother I explained about the high blood sugar and the insulin shots I was about to start. However, she appears to have brushed that off, not recognizing it as an actual problem that could or would affect other things. The aunt and uncle in question are dead to me, now. They are very sick people with terrible addiction problems and terrible life problems brought about by their addictions and thieving behaviors. I'm not entirely sure why I became their current focus for drama/trolling, but I don't plan to pay any real attention to it. I can't eliminate it from my thoughts, as I'd like, but I can eliminate them from my life and prevent further drama and negativity. As for my mother, I don't even have the energy to answer all her questions. She seems to want to dissect my life and has made several negative assumptions about me based on no information and misinformation. Plus, we all know what they say about ASSumptions. So as I don't feel any pressing desire or need to psychoanalyze myself for anybody else, I simply won't. I love my mother, I respect her, and I often seek her opinions and the benefit of her experience, but in this situation she seems to have been influenced by her siblings and their very skewed outlooks. I'm sure she'll come to the same conclusions upon further thought. She's had a very difficult year, so much more so than anything I've had to go through, losing her sister, ongoing health issues, and various personal issues as we all have. I don't presume to know what's in her head, but I know she'll work it through because I know how smart she is.
The insulin is going really well, btw. I'm still taking my oral medications for the time being and have added a Lantus injection by pen each night before bed. Right now I'm on 17 units and gradually increasing. It's brought my morning numbers gradually down and headed in the right diretion, and has helped with the rest of my numbers. Everything is still too high, but the fluctuations are less drastic and things are getting better. I will see my doctor again in a few weeks, by which time I should have my morning number where we want it, and then I'm going to switch off all the pills and go to fast acting insulin for meals. I feel SO much better already both for finally dealing with this problem and for all the physical changes that come with getting healthier. High blood glucose leads to all sorts of problems, from depression and mood swings, to constant yeast infections, lethargy, mental confusion and fatigue, and a whole host of physical problems. There are so many more symptoms than most people know about when it comes to diabetes.....things like dry skin, brittle hair, etc. There are also many ill side effects from the pills. Januvia 100mg, glipizide 5mg, metformin 2000mg.....these are battering my liver and who knows what else they're doing....and they're not effective. I'm looking forward to getting off all of them. I also expect to come off the prozac soon, too, as having my blood sugar under control is most likely going to fix any persistent problems in that area.
So that's my most recent update. Still watching the (non-existent) job market, still learning to budget on a two week pay period (I don't think I'll ever get used to that....budgeting is just not part of my skill set), and rolling with the punches!
I hope you're rolling with your punches, too, and I hope that your problems aren't any worse than mine!
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Insulin Time
Well, I was first diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes at 32 years old, so about eight years ago. I'd had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant in 2000, which was controlled by a very strict diet of 30g carbs for meals and 15g for snacks, and a morning dose of insulin at 7am every single stinking day. When diagnosed as a T2 I was on Metformin and Amyril and drove my A1c right down to 5.4 at my best. However, over the last handful of years I've been slipping. In part, I've been lazy, not testing, not being as strict in my diet, not walking or exercising every day, but also my diabetes has progressed. I take my meds every day, just as they are meant to be taken. I'm not sedentary, though I'm not highly active. And I've managed to continue my very slow but sure weight loss to the point where I'm at 170lbs from an all time high eight years ago of about 230lbs, and I'm still gradually working my way down. I want to be 160lbs for the summer and a size 12, instead of the size 14 I am right now. I'm getting there.
But my A1c is getting somewhere, too....mainly in the 9-11 range. I take 100mg Januvia, 2000mg metformin, and 5mg of glipizide every day, between morning and evening doses. I even take the occasional extra 2.5mg of glipizide, or extra 1000mg of metformin....mainly during my PMS week when my fluctuating hormones drive my numbers up a solid 50 points or more. Le sigh.
So basically, I'm out of control, medicine is no longer keeping anything even close to where it should be, and I've been avoiding my doctor most of this year and last. Which does nothing, of course, but allow me to live a fantasy and damage my body, but sometimes denial is just the game we play with ourselves.
I'm not completely out of denial yet, but I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning at 8:30am and I am doing what I can to mentally prepare myself to be starting insulin. I expect that the Januvia and glipizide will go bye-bye and hopefully the metformin, too. I'm ready, I think, to stop acting like I've failed, somehow, and accept that even walking six miles, eating right, and taking my meds, isn't going to stop the march or this disease. I think that it might even be a relief, in the end. I know I'll certainly FEEL better when things are where they should be.
So I've googled, read up, and asked a dozen questions to somebody I know who is a Type 1, to learn about insulin. I want to try the pen instead of injections. I did injections when I was pregnant and there were mornings when I sat there with that tiny little needle poised above my thigh and the ONLY reason I managed to stick that dart in was for the child in my womb. I HATE NEEDLES. Oh, the irony, eh? Well, the pen sounds a lot easier.....more like using the lancet in my glucometer, which though I hate it, I do manage to do several times a day now. My T1 source explained how a sliding scale works, and that makes so much sense and seems to much easier than taking some extended release pill, and then testing, testing, testing, and walking, jumping jacks, elliptical, etc, trying to fight the inevitable rise of glucose in my blood.
I do have questions....but I don't know who I might know who's a Type 2 on insulin. If you read this -- let me know! lolz
When you're on insulin and are going to be drinking alcohol, how do you plan for that? Do you take less insulin knowing that the alcohol is going to eventually drop your glucose number? Or do you do things like your normally would and just watch your numbers and eat something if you need to?
What about birthday parties or other special events when you want a damned piece of cake or some ice cream? Or PMS when chocolate is an absolute MUST and you're just constantly in a state of munchies? If you find your numbers are higher than they should be, do you take an extra dose of insulin? That is, if you've got fast acting insulin?
Right now my morning numbers are high, but slightly lower than my bedtime numbers, so nothings going up at night. In the past I've had to have a bedtime snack to prevent going too low overnight. Does this mean I'll likely need some long acting or middle whatever insulin?
Le sigh. I'm sure there are other questions I don't even know enough to be thinking of yet.
The hardest part of this really is getting over this mental hurdle of guilt, that whole 'you did this to yourself' thing. Even though my fitness and nutritional habits kick started this journey, it was a journey that my genes planned for me. Diabetes is genetic. Thin people can develop Type 2, and there are many obese people that NEVER have any problems with blood glucose. Type 2 Diabetes has been with us for many years....it didn't just develop during the "obesity epidemic". My doctor told me at one of my visits last year, when my A1c was a horrifying number and I told her I'd been being bad, she told me that I couldn't have been that bad, not if I was taking my meds, not and be living a normal lifestyle, keeping active, working on losing weight and succeeding....she told me that there's more at work than anything I'm doing. I take that to mean that my beta cells are giving up the ghost and shutting down, sending me toward LADA/Type 1.5 realm,. or something along those lines.....can you develop a tolerance to these meds I've been taking? I don't know, but I don't think there are many other choices of meds out there.
Anyway.....I'm crazy nervous for this visit tomorrow. It's all well and good to say that I've accepted the inevitable, but it's a whole different story to actually face facts and go through with things. As they say, denial ain't just a river in Egypt. So if you're reading this and have any words of experience to offer, by all means do so! I already know the medical science part of most of it, though, so thanks anyway there.
Okay....off to be productive again!
But my A1c is getting somewhere, too....mainly in the 9-11 range. I take 100mg Januvia, 2000mg metformin, and 5mg of glipizide every day, between morning and evening doses. I even take the occasional extra 2.5mg of glipizide, or extra 1000mg of metformin....mainly during my PMS week when my fluctuating hormones drive my numbers up a solid 50 points or more. Le sigh.
So basically, I'm out of control, medicine is no longer keeping anything even close to where it should be, and I've been avoiding my doctor most of this year and last. Which does nothing, of course, but allow me to live a fantasy and damage my body, but sometimes denial is just the game we play with ourselves.
I'm not completely out of denial yet, but I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning at 8:30am and I am doing what I can to mentally prepare myself to be starting insulin. I expect that the Januvia and glipizide will go bye-bye and hopefully the metformin, too. I'm ready, I think, to stop acting like I've failed, somehow, and accept that even walking six miles, eating right, and taking my meds, isn't going to stop the march or this disease. I think that it might even be a relief, in the end. I know I'll certainly FEEL better when things are where they should be.
So I've googled, read up, and asked a dozen questions to somebody I know who is a Type 1, to learn about insulin. I want to try the pen instead of injections. I did injections when I was pregnant and there were mornings when I sat there with that tiny little needle poised above my thigh and the ONLY reason I managed to stick that dart in was for the child in my womb. I HATE NEEDLES. Oh, the irony, eh? Well, the pen sounds a lot easier.....more like using the lancet in my glucometer, which though I hate it, I do manage to do several times a day now. My T1 source explained how a sliding scale works, and that makes so much sense and seems to much easier than taking some extended release pill, and then testing, testing, testing, and walking, jumping jacks, elliptical, etc, trying to fight the inevitable rise of glucose in my blood.
I do have questions....but I don't know who I might know who's a Type 2 on insulin. If you read this -- let me know! lolz
When you're on insulin and are going to be drinking alcohol, how do you plan for that? Do you take less insulin knowing that the alcohol is going to eventually drop your glucose number? Or do you do things like your normally would and just watch your numbers and eat something if you need to?
What about birthday parties or other special events when you want a damned piece of cake or some ice cream? Or PMS when chocolate is an absolute MUST and you're just constantly in a state of munchies? If you find your numbers are higher than they should be, do you take an extra dose of insulin? That is, if you've got fast acting insulin?
Right now my morning numbers are high, but slightly lower than my bedtime numbers, so nothings going up at night. In the past I've had to have a bedtime snack to prevent going too low overnight. Does this mean I'll likely need some long acting or middle whatever insulin?
Le sigh. I'm sure there are other questions I don't even know enough to be thinking of yet.
The hardest part of this really is getting over this mental hurdle of guilt, that whole 'you did this to yourself' thing. Even though my fitness and nutritional habits kick started this journey, it was a journey that my genes planned for me. Diabetes is genetic. Thin people can develop Type 2, and there are many obese people that NEVER have any problems with blood glucose. Type 2 Diabetes has been with us for many years....it didn't just develop during the "obesity epidemic". My doctor told me at one of my visits last year, when my A1c was a horrifying number and I told her I'd been being bad, she told me that I couldn't have been that bad, not if I was taking my meds, not and be living a normal lifestyle, keeping active, working on losing weight and succeeding....she told me that there's more at work than anything I'm doing. I take that to mean that my beta cells are giving up the ghost and shutting down, sending me toward LADA/Type 1.5 realm,. or something along those lines.....can you develop a tolerance to these meds I've been taking? I don't know, but I don't think there are many other choices of meds out there.
Anyway.....I'm crazy nervous for this visit tomorrow. It's all well and good to say that I've accepted the inevitable, but it's a whole different story to actually face facts and go through with things. As they say, denial ain't just a river in Egypt. So if you're reading this and have any words of experience to offer, by all means do so! I already know the medical science part of most of it, though, so thanks anyway there.
Okay....off to be productive again!
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Happy St. Patrick's Day! We had our party on Friday (today being Sunday) and though our only guests ended up being Crystal, and Shawn and Steph, we had a great time.
I'm definitely going stir crazy, cooped up in the house so much. There's snow on the ground still.....last year our party was outside! Ah, well. Spring is on it's way, you can smell it in the air, hear it when the geese sing, see it in the evening sunshine.....so I've just got to hang in there. I mean to start walking this week, though my walking partner is down with the flu. I've got to start moving more.....I've been feeling the effects of my laziness for a while now....I'm not putting pounds on, but I'm not losing any more either, and I just don't feel good.
So far 2013 is an interesting year. It started off badly with a great loss when my Aunt Glen died much sooner than expected. Though she was fighting stage 4 small cell lung cancer, she had a fall and slipped into a coma months before we thought we'd lose her. But she went quickly, all things considered, and was spared such pain. I have days where I miss her very much and pull up pictures. I only got to know her well in the last year or two, but I am so very glad I did get that chance. Though it hurts so much to have lost her, it was worth it to know her. My aunt and I went down and helped my cousin get the house cleaned out so it could go up for sale. It's a beautiful house and the price it's listed at is a steal.....if I lived in the Syracuse area I'd be all over it! Hopefully it sells quickly so that my cousin can put the last of all this behind her and have what closure she can. It's been a long and winding road for her that has left her with so many wounds and scars.
Financially things are pretty much where they were at last year. Which is to say, struggling, but no more than anybody else, and managing to get by one way or another. In this economy I don't believe that there are many people left who feel comfortable financially, so we try to stay grateful for what we do have and not worry about what we don't have. We have a lot more than a lot of people out there so we count our blessings.
We start this year with a very full house -- Kyle and I, Colin is headed into his teen years this year and we've moved his bedroom into the basement, our four dogs Max, Jake, Gypsy, and Milly, and our three cats Lucky, Viscous, and Maya. It's a bit crowded, and things get a bit nuts at times but all in all, it's all good.
My father's hip replacement is all healed up, but his lower back is destroyed and isn't something that the good doctors can fix, so he's all but disabled. My mother has psoriatic arthritis and is taking low dose chemo to help with it and looking to start Embril soon.
My youngest brother is job hunting. His back is destroyed, too, but he's young and looking to put that aside and have some kind of life. My other younger brother down in Philly sounds like he's doing well. He has a girlfriend whose parents sound like they actually LIKE him, and he seems pretty serious. I'll believe it when I get the wedding invitation, though.
I have friends in every state of existence it seems.....one going through a divorce, one trying to plan a wedding, one working through and unusual marriage, one who's gone all quiet, one who's popped up out of nowhere, one starting a new career, one sick and struggling with her health, and more. Anybody who thinks that getting older puts you beyond some of these hurdles in life is dead wrong.
So that's a short summary of the last several months.
So how you doin'?
I'm definitely going stir crazy, cooped up in the house so much. There's snow on the ground still.....last year our party was outside! Ah, well. Spring is on it's way, you can smell it in the air, hear it when the geese sing, see it in the evening sunshine.....so I've just got to hang in there. I mean to start walking this week, though my walking partner is down with the flu. I've got to start moving more.....I've been feeling the effects of my laziness for a while now....I'm not putting pounds on, but I'm not losing any more either, and I just don't feel good.
So far 2013 is an interesting year. It started off badly with a great loss when my Aunt Glen died much sooner than expected. Though she was fighting stage 4 small cell lung cancer, she had a fall and slipped into a coma months before we thought we'd lose her. But she went quickly, all things considered, and was spared such pain. I have days where I miss her very much and pull up pictures. I only got to know her well in the last year or two, but I am so very glad I did get that chance. Though it hurts so much to have lost her, it was worth it to know her. My aunt and I went down and helped my cousin get the house cleaned out so it could go up for sale. It's a beautiful house and the price it's listed at is a steal.....if I lived in the Syracuse area I'd be all over it! Hopefully it sells quickly so that my cousin can put the last of all this behind her and have what closure she can. It's been a long and winding road for her that has left her with so many wounds and scars.
Financially things are pretty much where they were at last year. Which is to say, struggling, but no more than anybody else, and managing to get by one way or another. In this economy I don't believe that there are many people left who feel comfortable financially, so we try to stay grateful for what we do have and not worry about what we don't have. We have a lot more than a lot of people out there so we count our blessings.
We start this year with a very full house -- Kyle and I, Colin is headed into his teen years this year and we've moved his bedroom into the basement, our four dogs Max, Jake, Gypsy, and Milly, and our three cats Lucky, Viscous, and Maya. It's a bit crowded, and things get a bit nuts at times but all in all, it's all good.
My father's hip replacement is all healed up, but his lower back is destroyed and isn't something that the good doctors can fix, so he's all but disabled. My mother has psoriatic arthritis and is taking low dose chemo to help with it and looking to start Embril soon.
My youngest brother is job hunting. His back is destroyed, too, but he's young and looking to put that aside and have some kind of life. My other younger brother down in Philly sounds like he's doing well. He has a girlfriend whose parents sound like they actually LIKE him, and he seems pretty serious. I'll believe it when I get the wedding invitation, though.
I have friends in every state of existence it seems.....one going through a divorce, one trying to plan a wedding, one working through and unusual marriage, one who's gone all quiet, one who's popped up out of nowhere, one starting a new career, one sick and struggling with her health, and more. Anybody who thinks that getting older puts you beyond some of these hurdles in life is dead wrong.
So that's a short summary of the last several months.
So how you doin'?
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Happy Valentine's Day
Well, it's a simple day. Colin is in school, I've got Sammy here, Kyle just got up. I've been getting the house cleaned up because I'm heading to Syracuse in the morning. My Aunt Heather and I are going down to help my cousin clean out her moms house. It's looking like its going to be a hell of a trip. My cousin is deeply grieving the loss if her mother.
I'm all packed. Joann treated me to a hair cut so I don't look awful. I've got the house pretty clean and the laundry caught up, easy food for the boys...they shouldn't need a thing.
For today I got Kyle and Colin funny cards, made them some deviled eggs, made some burger patties and marinating a London Broil to grill....so we'll all have a nice dinner together. :)
I'm all packed. Joann treated me to a hair cut so I don't look awful. I've got the house pretty clean and the laundry caught up, easy food for the boys...they shouldn't need a thing.
For today I got Kyle and Colin funny cards, made them some deviled eggs, made some burger patties and marinating a London Broil to grill....so we'll all have a nice dinner together. :)
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