Life is a bitch. These are not the best years of your life. Life is never fair.
You're not wrong when you think these things. You're not crazy, you're not entirely wrong, and you're not alone. Just a few short years ago your world was all about your friends at school, your toys, maybe video games. Mom got you up in the morning and there was breakfast and off to school you went. The teachers weren't always friendly, but the work wasn't that hard so you did what you needed to do to get by. You had recess, you played with friends, you went home. You played some more, maybe had to pick up a little bit, maybe played outdoors with your friends. When you forgot something or did something wrong somebody explained what and why and the worst that happened was you got yelled at, maybe lost a toy for a day or two.
Now you've got to do so many things yourself. No matter how tired you are you've got to get yourself up in the morning, deal with your own breakfast, clothes, and time it all to get to school. When you get to school you've got a dozen different teachers all telling you what to do. Half of what they tell you is so easy that it's boring, half of it is like trying to read ancient Greek. You know you're never going to need this crap in life so you don't worry about it, but that just ends up with teachers preaching at you, nagging at you, picking at you, until you finally open your mouth. You really don't mean to say just the wrong thing, but somehow you always seem to, and then you're in more trouble. Nobody is gentle, nobody is considerate, nobody looks and asks you how you're feeling or why you're so angry, you're just punished and that's that. They give you some speech about loving and caring and bunny loving tree hugger why can't we all just get along kind of crap and send you back to class where it starts all over again. You try, but nothing changes so why should you?
Half a day, and an eternity later, you're finally at home. Home, where you should feel comforted, understood, loved. But it's more of the same old same old. Wash clothes, do dishes, walk dogs, clean rooms, toe the line, talk this way, do this now, do that later, do it all before this deadline. You aren't trying to be a jerk, but you end up saying something. What you said and what they hear isn't the same thing at all. You're tired from the never ending pain in the ass that it all is, but they don't care. So you tune it out, you lose track of time, the next thing you know your deadline is past, you've done nothing, and it's time to deal with it. There's yelling, there's crying, there's guilt, there's anger, and you don't know what to do with all of it so you open your mouth again. And it's no use. You say one thing, they hear something else, and everybody is hurt and angry.
At least, that's how it all started. It's gone on for so long now that everybody just expects you to say the wrong thing. At this point, no matter what you say, they keep hearing the same thing. You don't know how to change that and you're sick of trying. If they can't hear what you're really saying then forget them. And it hurts. And why should you bother, anyway? If you try to change they just keep pigeonholing you right back into that old role of the screw up. They say, "Well, that's good....now keep it up and don't mess it up again." There's always a but, there's always that little add on at the end of the praise to remind you, to needle you, to label you. Because nothing you ever do is good enough. So why bother? You've decided that it's better to beg forgiveness than ask permission, only there doesn't seem to be any forgiveness left. Best years of your life, huh? You hate their attitude, you hate their condescending ways, you just hate them. All. Jerks. Even though somewhere underneath it all, it hurts.
Meanwhile, looming out there in the future is an entire life that they keep telling you that you're messing up. A life you can't even imagine. Everything right now it so enormous that you can't even focus on this "rest of your life" they keep warning you about. You've got friends, you've got loves, and they come and go, and with every coming and going there's joy, there's pain, and it's consuming. What more is there than this? There's no room left in you to deal with some far off time. It's hard enough to deal with today. You'd just like to have a little fun today, while you still can, because that far off future sounds like it sucks royally. If these are the best years of your life that's really depressing, but you might as well make the most of them, somehow.
It's so much more, and so much less, than all of this. And every story is a little different. But here's the thing....you've got somebody who loves you. No matter how many times you mess things up, no matter how angry she gets, she loves you. She's exhausted beyond the point of reason, but for you she keeps trying. Her life is for you, though she tries to carve out the occasional corner for herself, and you have to share her with your siblings. She would give her life, literally, for you. And here's the biggest secret....she's just as lost as you are. That's the really terrifying thing about growing up. It's learning that nobody really knows what the hell is going to happen next, everybody is just doing the best they can with what they've got. There are always those people who make it look easy, and there are always those people who can't ever catch a break, and somewhere in the middle is most people. People just taking crap from their bosses, from their spouses, from their friends, from their family, from their kids, from their relatives, always trying to figure the next step out, always a struggle. And it's two steps forward, one step back, for most of your life. And it sucks.
These adults who love you, they're just trying to help you reach maturity without self destructing, and hopefully with the skills to do better than they did. They only have their own lives to use as a reference point, their own experiences to help them figure out how to do that, and all they can do is try. So you're like a guinea pig, really. And when you don't fit the mold they don't know what the hell to do with you. They're trying to control you, but you don't want to be controlled. It's just a constant struggle. And when they say something, you don't hear what they say, you hear what you think they're going to say, and it hurts.
So what's my point? You mean, I'm supposed to have a point? What makes you think I have any better of a clue than anybody else....any special handle on all this that they don't have? I've learned quite a bit, I've actually got a good handle on a lot of things, but there's no point in sharing any of it. Everybody's life is totally and utterly different. And if I told you what I know you wouldn't get it anyway. It would sound trite and a lot like the garbage they shower on you regularly at school. The most important thing that I can tell you is that you are not alone. No matter what you feel, no matter how much it hurts, how angry you get, you are not alone. Through all the joy, through all the pain, the misunderstanding, the frustration, you are not alone. You are never alone. Never. It's the best I got.
So really, all you can do is keep plodding your way through the bullshit. Try to learn to work the system, to work within the system, when you need to. It'll make things easier. And try to learn how to say things and when to say things so that you don't heap piles of retribution on your own head. How? Well, trial and error is the best teacher. If you can learn from your missteps it'll make things a lot easier. If you can learn from the mistakes of others you'll be brilliant. Good luck!
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