Dear Aunt Glen,
Well, it's been over a year now since you died and about a year since I went and cleaned out your home, where you spent your last years, where you watched your husband precede you into the next mystery, where I got to know you as two adult women.
A dear friend of mine is losing somebody right now in a way very similar to how we lost you. You had stage 4 lung cancer and it created other problems that killed you. My friends father in law is suffering of end stage COPD and they're waiting for that final call. Nobodies suffering is the same so I can't tell her that I know how she feels, but I think I know how much it hurts.
I remember that we had a few scares in that last year, scares where they told us it was near the end and you kept pulling back out of it by sheer force of will. Man, you were a tough woman! I think you wanted that last holiday season with your grandchildren and to see your sisters one more time before letting go, because that's exactly what you did. I don't know if you know this, but I stayed with you at the end. When they called I borrowed a car and flew down the highways to you. Everybody had kept a vigil at your bedside, though I think you were already far beyond us at that point. You son, your oldest child, and I stayed with you that last night. We slept a little, but not really, and we took turns holding your hand and talking to you. I whispered in your ear, I told you it was okay to let go, now. I remembered a conversation just you and I had had where I told you when it was over I'd know that you were running across a summer field of flowers to your beloved, like Laura Ingalls, and we kind of laughed in that way you do when something hurts but you don't want to cry, so you laugh a little because it hits close to home. You couldn't even walk at the end, couldn't even use facilities without help, and I told you that when you shed this life that's how I'd see you.
I want you to know that I do. Today I'm thinking of you and in my thoughts you and Uncle Billy are in a summer place where there is only sunshine and joy, where there is no pain, no fear, no sadness.
Somebody else lives in that house now, and your children have gone their own ways as they always were going to. No great lessons were learned, no new philosophy has been discovered, no great wisdom gained. I miss you. We all miss you. Life goes one and we're all doing okay. Thank you for sticking around a bit and taking care of a few things for my Mom. I think it must be so tiring, at the end of a lifetime, to think of all the things you still wanted to do, to still have to comfort those around you while you're facing the next mystery looming so closely. You did it very well, with grace, with love, and I think you got to have some fun there, a few times. I'm glad, but oh, it hurts that you're not here.
Pick a daisy in that field for me, today, and smile for me.
I miss you.
Amy
Monday, February 24, 2014
Thursday, February 13, 2014
To Be or Not To Be....That Is A Stupid Question
Don't you just love the way that Shakespeare's characters are commonly thought to be so deep and his works so very meaningful? I wonder if someday people will look at Stephen King the same way....
What musicians will be to future generations what Beethoven, Bach, etc., are to us today? Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley, Madonna, Bruce Springsteen?
What medical miracles that we marvel at today will be the bonesaws and leeches of tomorrow? Hip replacements? Chemotherapy?
We put men on the Moon with less technology than many of us carry in our pockets today. My son talks to his electronics and they do what he tells them to do. My phone has been programmed with a sense of humor. If this is the technology available to the masses, what levels of technological genius are at the fingertips of the supersecretsquirrel people? If they revealed the stealth technology in the 70's, when household technology was blown away with 8-tracks and microwaves, what are they hiding today?
I think it's pretty amazing to see the advances in technology and thinking just in my own lifetime, just in 40 years. I think about the things that my mother had in her world and compare them to my son's world and it's like a science fiction novel. I wonder.....what will our world be like when my grandchildren are grown.
What musicians will be to future generations what Beethoven, Bach, etc., are to us today? Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley, Madonna, Bruce Springsteen?
What medical miracles that we marvel at today will be the bonesaws and leeches of tomorrow? Hip replacements? Chemotherapy?
We put men on the Moon with less technology than many of us carry in our pockets today. My son talks to his electronics and they do what he tells them to do. My phone has been programmed with a sense of humor. If this is the technology available to the masses, what levels of technological genius are at the fingertips of the supersecretsquirrel people? If they revealed the stealth technology in the 70's, when household technology was blown away with 8-tracks and microwaves, what are they hiding today?
I think it's pretty amazing to see the advances in technology and thinking just in my own lifetime, just in 40 years. I think about the things that my mother had in her world and compare them to my son's world and it's like a science fiction novel. I wonder.....what will our world be like when my grandchildren are grown.
Monday, February 10, 2014
To A Troubled Teen...
Life is a bitch. These are not the best years of your life. Life is never fair.
You're not wrong when you think these things. You're not crazy, you're not entirely wrong, and you're not alone. Just a few short years ago your world was all about your friends at school, your toys, maybe video games. Mom got you up in the morning and there was breakfast and off to school you went. The teachers weren't always friendly, but the work wasn't that hard so you did what you needed to do to get by. You had recess, you played with friends, you went home. You played some more, maybe had to pick up a little bit, maybe played outdoors with your friends. When you forgot something or did something wrong somebody explained what and why and the worst that happened was you got yelled at, maybe lost a toy for a day or two.
Now you've got to do so many things yourself. No matter how tired you are you've got to get yourself up in the morning, deal with your own breakfast, clothes, and time it all to get to school. When you get to school you've got a dozen different teachers all telling you what to do. Half of what they tell you is so easy that it's boring, half of it is like trying to read ancient Greek. You know you're never going to need this crap in life so you don't worry about it, but that just ends up with teachers preaching at you, nagging at you, picking at you, until you finally open your mouth. You really don't mean to say just the wrong thing, but somehow you always seem to, and then you're in more trouble. Nobody is gentle, nobody is considerate, nobody looks and asks you how you're feeling or why you're so angry, you're just punished and that's that. They give you some speech about loving and caring and bunny loving tree hugger why can't we all just get along kind of crap and send you back to class where it starts all over again. You try, but nothing changes so why should you?
Half a day, and an eternity later, you're finally at home. Home, where you should feel comforted, understood, loved. But it's more of the same old same old. Wash clothes, do dishes, walk dogs, clean rooms, toe the line, talk this way, do this now, do that later, do it all before this deadline. You aren't trying to be a jerk, but you end up saying something. What you said and what they hear isn't the same thing at all. You're tired from the never ending pain in the ass that it all is, but they don't care. So you tune it out, you lose track of time, the next thing you know your deadline is past, you've done nothing, and it's time to deal with it. There's yelling, there's crying, there's guilt, there's anger, and you don't know what to do with all of it so you open your mouth again. And it's no use. You say one thing, they hear something else, and everybody is hurt and angry.
At least, that's how it all started. It's gone on for so long now that everybody just expects you to say the wrong thing. At this point, no matter what you say, they keep hearing the same thing. You don't know how to change that and you're sick of trying. If they can't hear what you're really saying then forget them. And it hurts. And why should you bother, anyway? If you try to change they just keep pigeonholing you right back into that old role of the screw up. They say, "Well, that's good....now keep it up and don't mess it up again." There's always a but, there's always that little add on at the end of the praise to remind you, to needle you, to label you. Because nothing you ever do is good enough. So why bother? You've decided that it's better to beg forgiveness than ask permission, only there doesn't seem to be any forgiveness left. Best years of your life, huh? You hate their attitude, you hate their condescending ways, you just hate them. All. Jerks. Even though somewhere underneath it all, it hurts.
Meanwhile, looming out there in the future is an entire life that they keep telling you that you're messing up. A life you can't even imagine. Everything right now it so enormous that you can't even focus on this "rest of your life" they keep warning you about. You've got friends, you've got loves, and they come and go, and with every coming and going there's joy, there's pain, and it's consuming. What more is there than this? There's no room left in you to deal with some far off time. It's hard enough to deal with today. You'd just like to have a little fun today, while you still can, because that far off future sounds like it sucks royally. If these are the best years of your life that's really depressing, but you might as well make the most of them, somehow.
It's so much more, and so much less, than all of this. And every story is a little different. But here's the thing....you've got somebody who loves you. No matter how many times you mess things up, no matter how angry she gets, she loves you. She's exhausted beyond the point of reason, but for you she keeps trying. Her life is for you, though she tries to carve out the occasional corner for herself, and you have to share her with your siblings. She would give her life, literally, for you. And here's the biggest secret....she's just as lost as you are. That's the really terrifying thing about growing up. It's learning that nobody really knows what the hell is going to happen next, everybody is just doing the best they can with what they've got. There are always those people who make it look easy, and there are always those people who can't ever catch a break, and somewhere in the middle is most people. People just taking crap from their bosses, from their spouses, from their friends, from their family, from their kids, from their relatives, always trying to figure the next step out, always a struggle. And it's two steps forward, one step back, for most of your life. And it sucks.
These adults who love you, they're just trying to help you reach maturity without self destructing, and hopefully with the skills to do better than they did. They only have their own lives to use as a reference point, their own experiences to help them figure out how to do that, and all they can do is try. So you're like a guinea pig, really. And when you don't fit the mold they don't know what the hell to do with you. They're trying to control you, but you don't want to be controlled. It's just a constant struggle. And when they say something, you don't hear what they say, you hear what you think they're going to say, and it hurts.
So what's my point? You mean, I'm supposed to have a point? What makes you think I have any better of a clue than anybody else....any special handle on all this that they don't have? I've learned quite a bit, I've actually got a good handle on a lot of things, but there's no point in sharing any of it. Everybody's life is totally and utterly different. And if I told you what I know you wouldn't get it anyway. It would sound trite and a lot like the garbage they shower on you regularly at school. The most important thing that I can tell you is that you are not alone. No matter what you feel, no matter how much it hurts, how angry you get, you are not alone. Through all the joy, through all the pain, the misunderstanding, the frustration, you are not alone. You are never alone. Never. It's the best I got.
So really, all you can do is keep plodding your way through the bullshit. Try to learn to work the system, to work within the system, when you need to. It'll make things easier. And try to learn how to say things and when to say things so that you don't heap piles of retribution on your own head. How? Well, trial and error is the best teacher. If you can learn from your missteps it'll make things a lot easier. If you can learn from the mistakes of others you'll be brilliant. Good luck!
You're not wrong when you think these things. You're not crazy, you're not entirely wrong, and you're not alone. Just a few short years ago your world was all about your friends at school, your toys, maybe video games. Mom got you up in the morning and there was breakfast and off to school you went. The teachers weren't always friendly, but the work wasn't that hard so you did what you needed to do to get by. You had recess, you played with friends, you went home. You played some more, maybe had to pick up a little bit, maybe played outdoors with your friends. When you forgot something or did something wrong somebody explained what and why and the worst that happened was you got yelled at, maybe lost a toy for a day or two.
Now you've got to do so many things yourself. No matter how tired you are you've got to get yourself up in the morning, deal with your own breakfast, clothes, and time it all to get to school. When you get to school you've got a dozen different teachers all telling you what to do. Half of what they tell you is so easy that it's boring, half of it is like trying to read ancient Greek. You know you're never going to need this crap in life so you don't worry about it, but that just ends up with teachers preaching at you, nagging at you, picking at you, until you finally open your mouth. You really don't mean to say just the wrong thing, but somehow you always seem to, and then you're in more trouble. Nobody is gentle, nobody is considerate, nobody looks and asks you how you're feeling or why you're so angry, you're just punished and that's that. They give you some speech about loving and caring and bunny loving tree hugger why can't we all just get along kind of crap and send you back to class where it starts all over again. You try, but nothing changes so why should you?
Half a day, and an eternity later, you're finally at home. Home, where you should feel comforted, understood, loved. But it's more of the same old same old. Wash clothes, do dishes, walk dogs, clean rooms, toe the line, talk this way, do this now, do that later, do it all before this deadline. You aren't trying to be a jerk, but you end up saying something. What you said and what they hear isn't the same thing at all. You're tired from the never ending pain in the ass that it all is, but they don't care. So you tune it out, you lose track of time, the next thing you know your deadline is past, you've done nothing, and it's time to deal with it. There's yelling, there's crying, there's guilt, there's anger, and you don't know what to do with all of it so you open your mouth again. And it's no use. You say one thing, they hear something else, and everybody is hurt and angry.
At least, that's how it all started. It's gone on for so long now that everybody just expects you to say the wrong thing. At this point, no matter what you say, they keep hearing the same thing. You don't know how to change that and you're sick of trying. If they can't hear what you're really saying then forget them. And it hurts. And why should you bother, anyway? If you try to change they just keep pigeonholing you right back into that old role of the screw up. They say, "Well, that's good....now keep it up and don't mess it up again." There's always a but, there's always that little add on at the end of the praise to remind you, to needle you, to label you. Because nothing you ever do is good enough. So why bother? You've decided that it's better to beg forgiveness than ask permission, only there doesn't seem to be any forgiveness left. Best years of your life, huh? You hate their attitude, you hate their condescending ways, you just hate them. All. Jerks. Even though somewhere underneath it all, it hurts.
Meanwhile, looming out there in the future is an entire life that they keep telling you that you're messing up. A life you can't even imagine. Everything right now it so enormous that you can't even focus on this "rest of your life" they keep warning you about. You've got friends, you've got loves, and they come and go, and with every coming and going there's joy, there's pain, and it's consuming. What more is there than this? There's no room left in you to deal with some far off time. It's hard enough to deal with today. You'd just like to have a little fun today, while you still can, because that far off future sounds like it sucks royally. If these are the best years of your life that's really depressing, but you might as well make the most of them, somehow.
It's so much more, and so much less, than all of this. And every story is a little different. But here's the thing....you've got somebody who loves you. No matter how many times you mess things up, no matter how angry she gets, she loves you. She's exhausted beyond the point of reason, but for you she keeps trying. Her life is for you, though she tries to carve out the occasional corner for herself, and you have to share her with your siblings. She would give her life, literally, for you. And here's the biggest secret....she's just as lost as you are. That's the really terrifying thing about growing up. It's learning that nobody really knows what the hell is going to happen next, everybody is just doing the best they can with what they've got. There are always those people who make it look easy, and there are always those people who can't ever catch a break, and somewhere in the middle is most people. People just taking crap from their bosses, from their spouses, from their friends, from their family, from their kids, from their relatives, always trying to figure the next step out, always a struggle. And it's two steps forward, one step back, for most of your life. And it sucks.
These adults who love you, they're just trying to help you reach maturity without self destructing, and hopefully with the skills to do better than they did. They only have their own lives to use as a reference point, their own experiences to help them figure out how to do that, and all they can do is try. So you're like a guinea pig, really. And when you don't fit the mold they don't know what the hell to do with you. They're trying to control you, but you don't want to be controlled. It's just a constant struggle. And when they say something, you don't hear what they say, you hear what you think they're going to say, and it hurts.
So what's my point? You mean, I'm supposed to have a point? What makes you think I have any better of a clue than anybody else....any special handle on all this that they don't have? I've learned quite a bit, I've actually got a good handle on a lot of things, but there's no point in sharing any of it. Everybody's life is totally and utterly different. And if I told you what I know you wouldn't get it anyway. It would sound trite and a lot like the garbage they shower on you regularly at school. The most important thing that I can tell you is that you are not alone. No matter what you feel, no matter how much it hurts, how angry you get, you are not alone. Through all the joy, through all the pain, the misunderstanding, the frustration, you are not alone. You are never alone. Never. It's the best I got.
So really, all you can do is keep plodding your way through the bullshit. Try to learn to work the system, to work within the system, when you need to. It'll make things easier. And try to learn how to say things and when to say things so that you don't heap piles of retribution on your own head. How? Well, trial and error is the best teacher. If you can learn from your missteps it'll make things a lot easier. If you can learn from the mistakes of others you'll be brilliant. Good luck!
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Laundry and Dishes and Dusting; Oh, My!!!
Sorting the clothes, washing the clothes, drying the clothes, folding the clothes, putting clothes away, buy new clothes, get rid of old clothes, buy new coats, buy new boots and shoes and sneakers, get rid of old outerwear. Sort and replace the hats, gloves, mittens, scarves, snow pants.
Buying the food, putting the food away, deciding what to make with the food, making meals with the food, cleaning up after the meals, rinsing the dishes, washing the dishes, drying the dishes, putting the dishes away.
Let the dogs out, let the dogs in, buy the dog food, buy the dog treats, feed the dogs, buy the dogs peepee pads, pick up the dirty peepee pads, put down more pee pee pads, bathe the dogs, buy flea treatment, treat dogs for fleas, make vet appointments, transport dogs to vets.
Let the cats out, let the cats in, buy the cats food, feed the cats, buy the cats litter, change the litter boxes.
Fill the trash cans, empty all the trash cans into one trash can, remove the full bag of trash, tie it, bring it outside to the big trash cans. Avoid the overly friendly single 50 something trash man. Pick up empty trash cans, chase down errant lids, replace trash cans in appropriate places.
Stock the fridge, sort through old food in the fridge and dispose, clean the fridge. Clean the stove. Clean the oven. Clean the microwave. Clean the coffee pot. Clean the mixer, the blender, the deep fryer, the crock pot, the bread machine.
Make more ice.
Buy soap, buy shampoo, buy shaving cream, buy after shave, buy deodorant, buy toothpaste, buy floss, buy mouthwash, buy new toothbrushes, buy acne products,buy sunscreen, buy hair products, buy new shower curtain liners, buy toilet paper, buy toilet bowl cleaner, buy Comet, buy Lysol, clean toilet, clean tub and shower, clean floor, clean sink, clean mirror, wash linens.
Remove the sheets, remove the pillow cases, remove the blankets, wash all the linens, make the beds.
Vacuum the floors, sweep the floors, clean up messes on the floors, use the floor scrubber to scrub the floors, wax/shine the floors.
Remove cushion covers from sofa and chair cushions and wash and replace. Use sticky roller to clean pet hair off furniture. Dust all the things.
Clean the ceiling fans, replace the light bulbs, maintain the appliances, clean vents, clean knobs, clean cupboards, clean windows, clean tables.
Clean out junk drawers, clear off catch-alls, clean up book shelves, clean up movie shelves.
Do the budget, pay the bills, buy the presents, plan the trips. Remember the birthdays, buy the cards, buy the stamps, fill out the cards, address the envelopes, mail the cards. Get the mail, sort the mail.
Make the doctor appointments, get everybody to their doctor appointments, talk to all the doctors, get the prescriptions, fill the prescriptions, make sure everybody takes their medicines, buy the supplements and vitamins, make sure everybody takes their vitamins and supplements.
Buy the bird feeders, buy the bird food, fill the bird feeders, maintain the bird feeders.
Rake the lawn, mow the lawn, plant the flowers, deadhead the flowers, water the flowers, plant the grass seed, plant the garden, maintain the garden, harvest the garden, pick up dog messes, shovel the snow, salt the steps.
Buy first aid products, keep first aid products together, sorted, up to date, and replaced, and use first aid when necessary.
Keep track of all hobby and extra curricular activities, buy supplies for all, schedule all, taxi to and from all.
Sort attic, maintain storage items in attic, bring seasonal item to and from the attic.
Paint, glue, iron, patch, sew, mend, clean, repair, replace all the things.
Keep track of all family members, their interests, their needs, their problems, their successes, share quality time.
Work to contribute money to household budget.
Find time for self.
So, how was your day?
Buying the food, putting the food away, deciding what to make with the food, making meals with the food, cleaning up after the meals, rinsing the dishes, washing the dishes, drying the dishes, putting the dishes away.
Let the dogs out, let the dogs in, buy the dog food, buy the dog treats, feed the dogs, buy the dogs peepee pads, pick up the dirty peepee pads, put down more pee pee pads, bathe the dogs, buy flea treatment, treat dogs for fleas, make vet appointments, transport dogs to vets.
Let the cats out, let the cats in, buy the cats food, feed the cats, buy the cats litter, change the litter boxes.
Fill the trash cans, empty all the trash cans into one trash can, remove the full bag of trash, tie it, bring it outside to the big trash cans. Avoid the overly friendly single 50 something trash man. Pick up empty trash cans, chase down errant lids, replace trash cans in appropriate places.
Stock the fridge, sort through old food in the fridge and dispose, clean the fridge. Clean the stove. Clean the oven. Clean the microwave. Clean the coffee pot. Clean the mixer, the blender, the deep fryer, the crock pot, the bread machine.
Make more ice.
Buy soap, buy shampoo, buy shaving cream, buy after shave, buy deodorant, buy toothpaste, buy floss, buy mouthwash, buy new toothbrushes, buy acne products,buy sunscreen, buy hair products, buy new shower curtain liners, buy toilet paper, buy toilet bowl cleaner, buy Comet, buy Lysol, clean toilet, clean tub and shower, clean floor, clean sink, clean mirror, wash linens.
Remove the sheets, remove the pillow cases, remove the blankets, wash all the linens, make the beds.
Vacuum the floors, sweep the floors, clean up messes on the floors, use the floor scrubber to scrub the floors, wax/shine the floors.
Remove cushion covers from sofa and chair cushions and wash and replace. Use sticky roller to clean pet hair off furniture. Dust all the things.
Clean the ceiling fans, replace the light bulbs, maintain the appliances, clean vents, clean knobs, clean cupboards, clean windows, clean tables.
Clean out junk drawers, clear off catch-alls, clean up book shelves, clean up movie shelves.
Do the budget, pay the bills, buy the presents, plan the trips. Remember the birthdays, buy the cards, buy the stamps, fill out the cards, address the envelopes, mail the cards. Get the mail, sort the mail.
Make the doctor appointments, get everybody to their doctor appointments, talk to all the doctors, get the prescriptions, fill the prescriptions, make sure everybody takes their medicines, buy the supplements and vitamins, make sure everybody takes their vitamins and supplements.
Buy the bird feeders, buy the bird food, fill the bird feeders, maintain the bird feeders.
Rake the lawn, mow the lawn, plant the flowers, deadhead the flowers, water the flowers, plant the grass seed, plant the garden, maintain the garden, harvest the garden, pick up dog messes, shovel the snow, salt the steps.
Buy first aid products, keep first aid products together, sorted, up to date, and replaced, and use first aid when necessary.
Keep track of all hobby and extra curricular activities, buy supplies for all, schedule all, taxi to and from all.
Sort attic, maintain storage items in attic, bring seasonal item to and from the attic.
Paint, glue, iron, patch, sew, mend, clean, repair, replace all the things.
Keep track of all family members, their interests, their needs, their problems, their successes, share quality time.
Work to contribute money to household budget.
Find time for self.
So, how was your day?
Thursday, February 6, 2014
This Ain't No Disco....
It ain't no country club, neither!
(Sheryl Crow)
I've got the house to myself today. I should go on a cleaning spree but so far it's nearly 10:30am and I'm still in my pajamas. So far today I've accomplished making coffee, charging my cell phone, and blogging. Could be worse....I could still be in bed! These days, though, laying in bed for too long makes my back and neck scream in a terrible agony that even large doses of ibuprofen doesn't help with. I'm not sure if that's because I'm getting older or if it's because I'm so out of shape. I've started doing my yoga stretches in an attempt to help with it....can't hurt.
It's a beautiful day out there today! The sun is out, the fresh snowfall has covered up all the windblown crud and various messes that were out there so the world is a shiny bright puff of fluff right now. The chickadees are swarming my bird feeders, happy to have an easy food supply. Some of them are getting downright plump! I haven't seen the woodpecker this morning, but he comes every day and nibbles away at the suet I've got out there for him. The cardinals, on the other hand, haven't made an appearance in about a week, except for one sighting of the female earlier this week. Granted, the food did run out for a day before I caught it and refilled it, but I think it's just that they're elusive birds. I'm glad I got pictures while they were here feeding, in case they don't become regulars.
On my last blog post some guy commented....I got all excited for a moment when I saw I had a comment! Oh, no.....this was god spam. This guy has listed his occupation as "Keyboard Evangelist"....I suppose you can put a title to anything, eh? So on top of his own very evangelical Christian blog he apparently goes around spamming random bloggers posts with his world view, no matter what the topic of the blog is and certainly without asking if his posts are welcome. I don't suppose he really cares if people welcome his posts....in his mind he's spreading his worldview which will supposedly save eternal souls. I didn't delete his comment, just replied to it, and went to his blog. I posted a similarly random comment on one of his blogs with some information about ancient man made structures. Specifically Gobekle Tepe and from a website that is religious in nature. Curious if he'll approve the post....see, he doesn't allow comments to show up until he approves them. I'd guess that like most evangelical people, he doesn't want scrutiny, questions, or any kind of free thought that might call into question any of his belief structure. Which, to me, means that the belief structure just wouldn't stand up to it.
I really do not care what anybody chooses to believe. At their core, most, if not all, of the religions of the world call for loving one another, for peace, for understanding and tolerance of all. Whether a person believes in a god or goddess who dictates this goodness or they come to this through their own conscience and self awareness makes no difference to me. The only time I really find myself cringing is when people use religion as a weapon: a weapon to oppress a group of people, a weapon to control others, a weapon to wage war. I don't like the pomposity or the condescension, the arrogance and judgement that so many allegedly religious people display in their certainty that not only are they correct in their choices but that others are somehow addled or ignorant for not complying with what they tell them to believe. I don't like it, but I can turn away from it and feel sorry for them that they are so far removed from what they're preaching that it would be humorous if it weren't so annoying. I don't take offense to anybody praying for me or condemning me because they don't have any power over me that I don't give them, and I refuse to give them any. And they can be fun to play with....they're such easy targets! lolz That's the devil in me....a weakness, to be sure. Playing with the small minded people is like teasing a cat with a laser pointer, except the cat at least gets some exercise from the game. I'm trying to learn not to do such thing....to challenge without my own arrogance, because I have no better idea what's out there than anybody else. I want to be more like Bill Nye! :) Here is what evidence I've got, here is what it proves to me, if you can prove differently with evidence then I will be open minded.
Well, that's enough knee deep rambling for this morning! I've run out of creamer for my coffee and have no milk, not that milk is an adequate substitute for creamer, but I'm going to check out recipes to make my own creamer and see if I've got the ingredients. If not, I guess the two cups of coffee I've had so far will be it for today....at least tomorrow is payday!!!
So if you like me, follow me! If you have a moment, leave a comment! And either way, have a good day my pretties!!
(Sheryl Crow)
I've got the house to myself today. I should go on a cleaning spree but so far it's nearly 10:30am and I'm still in my pajamas. So far today I've accomplished making coffee, charging my cell phone, and blogging. Could be worse....I could still be in bed! These days, though, laying in bed for too long makes my back and neck scream in a terrible agony that even large doses of ibuprofen doesn't help with. I'm not sure if that's because I'm getting older or if it's because I'm so out of shape. I've started doing my yoga stretches in an attempt to help with it....can't hurt.
It's a beautiful day out there today! The sun is out, the fresh snowfall has covered up all the windblown crud and various messes that were out there so the world is a shiny bright puff of fluff right now. The chickadees are swarming my bird feeders, happy to have an easy food supply. Some of them are getting downright plump! I haven't seen the woodpecker this morning, but he comes every day and nibbles away at the suet I've got out there for him. The cardinals, on the other hand, haven't made an appearance in about a week, except for one sighting of the female earlier this week. Granted, the food did run out for a day before I caught it and refilled it, but I think it's just that they're elusive birds. I'm glad I got pictures while they were here feeding, in case they don't become regulars.
On my last blog post some guy commented....I got all excited for a moment when I saw I had a comment! Oh, no.....this was god spam. This guy has listed his occupation as "Keyboard Evangelist"....I suppose you can put a title to anything, eh? So on top of his own very evangelical Christian blog he apparently goes around spamming random bloggers posts with his world view, no matter what the topic of the blog is and certainly without asking if his posts are welcome. I don't suppose he really cares if people welcome his posts....in his mind he's spreading his worldview which will supposedly save eternal souls. I didn't delete his comment, just replied to it, and went to his blog. I posted a similarly random comment on one of his blogs with some information about ancient man made structures. Specifically Gobekle Tepe and from a website that is religious in nature. Curious if he'll approve the post....see, he doesn't allow comments to show up until he approves them. I'd guess that like most evangelical people, he doesn't want scrutiny, questions, or any kind of free thought that might call into question any of his belief structure. Which, to me, means that the belief structure just wouldn't stand up to it.
I really do not care what anybody chooses to believe. At their core, most, if not all, of the religions of the world call for loving one another, for peace, for understanding and tolerance of all. Whether a person believes in a god or goddess who dictates this goodness or they come to this through their own conscience and self awareness makes no difference to me. The only time I really find myself cringing is when people use religion as a weapon: a weapon to oppress a group of people, a weapon to control others, a weapon to wage war. I don't like the pomposity or the condescension, the arrogance and judgement that so many allegedly religious people display in their certainty that not only are they correct in their choices but that others are somehow addled or ignorant for not complying with what they tell them to believe. I don't like it, but I can turn away from it and feel sorry for them that they are so far removed from what they're preaching that it would be humorous if it weren't so annoying. I don't take offense to anybody praying for me or condemning me because they don't have any power over me that I don't give them, and I refuse to give them any. And they can be fun to play with....they're such easy targets! lolz That's the devil in me....a weakness, to be sure. Playing with the small minded people is like teasing a cat with a laser pointer, except the cat at least gets some exercise from the game. I'm trying to learn not to do such thing....to challenge without my own arrogance, because I have no better idea what's out there than anybody else. I want to be more like Bill Nye! :) Here is what evidence I've got, here is what it proves to me, if you can prove differently with evidence then I will be open minded.
Well, that's enough knee deep rambling for this morning! I've run out of creamer for my coffee and have no milk, not that milk is an adequate substitute for creamer, but I'm going to check out recipes to make my own creamer and see if I've got the ingredients. If not, I guess the two cups of coffee I've had so far will be it for today....at least tomorrow is payday!!!
So if you like me, follow me! If you have a moment, leave a comment! And either way, have a good day my pretties!!
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
I Have Made A Terrible Mistake.....
More than a dozen years ago I made a similar mistake. Back then there was a movie that had come to theaters. It was touted to be the scariest thing to hit the screen since Jamie Lee Curtis screamed her first scream. My best friend saw it and was terrified. My fiancee saw it and couldn't sleep that night. I wasn't able to go see it in theaters because I worked a retail job, read: evenings and weekends. So I waited for it to come out to video. The day it was released I bought the VHS tape on my lunch break. I went home to my apartment that night and made up some popcorn, got a soda, turned the lights all off, put the movie in, and waited to be scared. And waited. Strange noises in the woods....not scary. The haunted campsite scene.....nope, not scary. Sticks tied in bunches hung from trees.....not scary. I kept waiting. I watched that entire movie waiting, hoping, to be scared. I never was. Not once. There were scarier scenes in Just Bitten than in the Blair Witch Project.
About three years ago, now, a series of books emerged written by an unknown author, E.L. James. Readers LOVED these books and hated these books and Tweeted and Facebooked and talked and gushed and ranted about these books. I was told that reading these books drove women into horny madness....that husbands everywhere were thrilled at their wives new reading material. Essentially, porn for women....which is to say, for the mind, not the eyes. Not that we women aren't turned on visually, but it's mostly in our heads.....pretty much the opposite of men. Over the following years most of my friends at some point read these books. Women whose tastes I often shared talked about how excellent these books were. I read reviews, though, that talked about the level of the characterization, the reading level, and other actual literary aspects of the book. Now, please understand that I am NOT a book snob. On a hot summers day I enjoy laying in my hammock and reading some dime store romance about pirates and princesses, the kind of book that you can read in a day, essentially: Fluff. These books, though, weren't being sold as fluff; they weren't being marketed as a cheap supermarket romance. These books were being touted as doing for female literature what the Harry Potter series did for children's lit.
Over the course of the last year I have picked these books up, one at a time, from yard sales. I have less than $5 invested in the three books combined. I knew of nobody nearby who had the series to lend and I didn't want to pay the $15.95 EACH retail that they were marked for. I think I did well.
After reading the first few pages last week, I let the book sit for days. Now, usually no matter what book it is, if I've read the start of it I will read the rest of the book. I do NOT like to leave a book unread once I've started it. There are very, very few books over the course of my life that I did not finish and I can name each of them. So although this book did not entice me to continue reading it, I picked it up last night and opened it once again.
There are less than a hundred pages left to read and I am loathe to pick it up again. It did not disgust me. In fact, if it had been even a tiny bit as shocking as I'd heard it might have been good. I might want to finish reading it. So far all I want to do is track down the mealy mouthed, unrealistic, trite character's inner goddess and pimp slap her. There are two good things that I can say about this book. The first is that it is an excellent example of first person writing, something not often and rarely done well. The second is that this book, the popularity of it's characters, puts some kind of understandable face on BDSM for those people in this world who, through lack of exposure or whatever, still thought it was some rare horror that only sickos and druggies participated in. But folks, I put it down at the end of the chapter involving the much discussed tampon scene. That scene did not disgust me, either, but it was a monumental letdown. I was waiting to be shocked, waiting to be turned on, waiting for something in this book, in these characters to elicit any kind of emotion. You see, whether you love it or hate it, if a work of art elicits an emotion then it's done what it's meant to do: it's made you feel, or think, it's made you react. The only reaction I experienced to this book was that I was tired and it was time for bed. So I closed the book, so close to the end that another 30 minutes of reading would have finished it, and fell fast asleep. I was not bothered that my husband was at work, I did not have any kinky dreams, I had no trouble at all not thinking about this book and going to sleep.
I will not be finishing this book, nor will I be opening the other two. I will pass them on, as I do with all my books, and maybe somebody else will get some enjoyment from them. There's nothing wrong with liking these books.....there are a lot of things in the arts and entertainment world that I like that many consider laughable.....but I absolutely did not like Fifty Shades of Grey. And I have made the executive decision not to subject myself to the Twilight Series, either. Those books I picked up in the same way, with about the same monetary investment. With those, though, I've seen the first few movies and felt brain cells die. I said I'd read the books as they are said to be oh, so much better. Now, though, I think I'll pass those along, too. I've killed enough brain cells already.
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