So, What Now?

These dark corners in my mind are sometimes just dizzying!

So here's what's preying on my mind this week.
Based on various factors in my own little world, I made a decision a few weeks ago to return to college and pursue a higher degree with the intent to be able to attain a specific type of job by the time in 50.
In the grand scheme of things, on the ladder of things I want to do (or don't want, as the case may be) the very bottom rung of said ladder is working in retail.  I don't ever really want to work in a retail setting again.  The next rung at the bottom of that ladder is returning to school.  I did not like school.  I met wonderful people there, the degree I earned has helped me, but I hated it the entire time.  I so very much disliked attending college that I was taking 24+ credit hours a quarter in order to graduate a quarter early and get out of there!  All that while holding down a job, making a car payment, and staying on the Dean's List.  So you can imagine that leaping back into that world is not really high on my list of things to do.  In fact, it falls just above stepping back behind a cash register at my local Walmart, below which we fall off the ladder into the ninth circle of Hell.
One factor in my decision to return to school was the imminent closing of ALCOA.  Since then, they have postponed that for a few years, if we are to believe them, but they will not be closing in the immediate future.  This means that the already tight job market is not, after all, about to be flooded with spouses and older children of displaced employees looking to help support their households.
Another factor was a medical issue within the family that has since resolved itself in a satisfactory way and is no longer an issue.

So!  I can withdraw my application to SUNY Potsdam for this semester and continue to job hunt, as I have been all last summer.  I can even step it up a notch and expand to some other places that I wasn't really paying much attention to, previously.  If things don't work out, it isn't as if the college won't still be there next fall.
Or!  I can suck it up and go back to school.
I told Terry in the student transfer department today that I would make a decision by the end of this week and let them know on Friday.

I can tell you that I am reasonably sure what my decision is.  I just don't want to jump too fast and end up wishing I hadn't.  So this week I am chewing this over in my head....and over, and over, and over......not that I have a tendency to over think things, you understand......no...not me!  lolol!

Blargle!!!