false

When did 'no' become insulting?  When did we, as a culture, stop saying 'no' because it might hurt somebody's feelings?  No IS an acceptable answer to almost any situation.  If somebody asks you to do them a favor and you really don't want to, say "no".  If somebody wants to impose on you in some way and it's going to cause problems and hard feelings, just say "no".  Maybe if we started to say NO once in a while, right up front, people would toughen up a bit and learn to accept NO as an answer.  We manage to use it in smaller situations....do you want coffee?  No.  Do you want dessert?  No.  Do you want some of Aunt Matilda's fruitcake?  No.  How about we start learning to use NO in even more areas?  Do you want to be my personal babysitter?  No.  Do you want to do my taxes for me?  No.  Do you want to do my housework for me?  No.  Do you want to dog sit for me?  No.  Do you want to go to dinner with me?  No.  Do you want to.....NO.
It is frustrating to find out that you've asked somebody to do something and they only said Yes out of obligation and now they are frustrated and resentful that you took them up on the Yes!  If you mean no, say NO.  No IS an acceptable answer!!

Of course, there are times when despite what we want, you just can't say no.  Sometimes we need to put others before ourselves....that's life.  If you don't do this once in a while you'll have nobody around you who gives a crap about you.  But there's a difference between helping people out and doing your best impression of a doormat.  You can say yes on occasion without it becoming a habit.  And it's totally okay, completely rational to say YES to person one and NO to person two.  Just because you helped me learn to sew doesn't mean that now any time somebody asks you for a sewing lesson you're obligated to do it.  Say NO and move on.  One act of kindness does NOT obligate you to more, no matter what people try to make you feel.

NO also does not require an explanation.  This is another great mystery of today's 'NO' problem.  When we do manage to work ourselves up to being able to say NO we seem to follow it with a "because" and some explanation.  I'm sorry Aunt Matilda that I can't eat your fruitcake....it's because I'm allergic to grapes.  Why do you need to explain yourself?  You don't.  If Aunt Matilda really wants to know she can ask, I suppose, but she probably won't.  She'll either try to force feed you or take your no and move on.  Much of the time these explanations are complete lies made up on the spot in some attempt to cushion the no in case it might cause hurt feelings.  Stop it.  It really doesn't require an explanation.  Just a simple, "No, thank you," will usually do.  No is not rude.  Saying no does not make you a bad person.  No is just the other option when Yes isn't going to work for you.  If somebody gets their feelers hurt because they were told no that's THEIR problem, that's THEIR insecurity, that's THEIR ego twitching.  It's not your problem.  Let it go.  They'll learn to deal.

Even worse than the incessant explaining are the apologizers.  "No....I'm sorry."  No does not require an apology.  You do not have to apologize for not being anybody's personal servant, their assistant or for just not being able to or wanting to do what they've asked of you.  The answer can be NO without having to beg forgiveness.  Unless you've done something which you'd like to be forgiven for then don't apologize.  And you should NOT need to be forgiven for saying NO.  You are EQUAL to the people around you.  I don't care what the age differences are, or how the levels of experience differ, I don't care who makes more money, has more children, lives in a better neighborhood, drives a nicer car, has more schooling, etc.  Each person is created equal....isn't that what we learned in school?  Isn't that what we teach our children?  Then stop apologizing as if somehow you have an obligation to live up to for the people around you.  Save the apologies for when you've done something wrong....we all have plenty of that.  Besides....if you stop throwing 'sorry' around like an everyday kind of word it'll mean more when you do have to use it appropriately.

So next time you mean no say NO.  Don't explain yourself, don't apologize for having a backbone, a life, your own mind, thoughts, feelings, etc.....just say NO.  No, thank you.  Thank you, but no.  I'm good, thanks.  I don't want any, thanks.  I'll have to pass this time.  Or just a smile and a simple "No," will suffice.