Ninety-nine dreams I have had and every one a red balloon.
That's just what's playing right now, not anything of any great meaning. :) I suppose I could relate it to my life somehow, but mostly I just enjoy listening to older music while I clean or work around the house.
Today I am painting the bathroom. I hate painting. I really do hate paining. But it's one of those things that needs to be done every so often or your house just looks like shit. Over the end of summer I painted the dining room and the living room, minus the ceilings. I hate ceilings even more, so I keep putting them off. Today, I'm doing the bathroom. Yesterday, I cleaning all the walls and ceiling and prepped. So far I've got one coat on the ceiling and starting a primer coat on a section that was painted darker than the rest. I paint for a bit then stop because my arms get so tired and start to burn. I really have no upper body strength....all my power is in my legs. I'll get at least the entire room done with one coat, probably two on the ceiling, which should hopefully be enough to finish that. Luckily for me I have a teeeeeny tiny little bathroom!
Once it's all done I'll be pulling Christmas out of the attic and exploding it all over! Tree included. I bought my lights at Ollie's a few weeks ago. Twenty boxes of 100 multicolored twinkle lights. Oh yes, I like Christmas lights! Once that's all done, I've got presents to wrap for hubby's Brother and SIL who are coming this weekend to do our Holiday dinner gathering. We haven't actually seen them in over a year. It doesn't go that long, usually, but it's just been one of those years. It'll be really nice to see them.
Friday I was finally able to send in my SUNY college application for SUNY Potsdam. Wonder how long it takes to hear back from them? I'll need to get to a printer so I can print up some other forms I think I'll need to fill out, and call financial aid and get on top of that. Looks like I totally qualify. No surprise there! Chatted with the kiddo today about the various costs of tuition, tuition plus room/board, and so on. Hopefully, by the time he's headed to college in a couple years, there will be something better in place than the current financing system. In the meantime, we can both learn from me doing it.
GOD I hate painting.
If I weren't on a handful of ibuprofen I'd totally break open a bottle of wine to make it a bit less awful.
Oh, well. Onward and upward!
Monday, November 16, 2015
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
The World of Limited Choices
I graduated high school in 1991. Due to circumstances beyond my control, and a lack of useful guidance from my high school, I was unable to attend college when I graduated. A year later I tried to go to a little local college and barely even passed. I was unfocused and at odds with myself, then, and had no real direction. I got a full time job and worked. Eventually, my mother started stuffing literature under my face from a local business college and a comparable one downstate called Bryant and Stratton Business Institute. It wasn't what I wanted, but I did it anyway. I met lifelong friends and had my share of fun. I was also miserable and unhappy with my classes, unimpressed with most of my teachers, and practically teaching one of the courses myself. I finished an 18 month A.O.S. program in 15 months while holding down a job and making Dean's List. Anything to get the F*** out of there! And once I got home again, it turns out that my degree was useless. I was worth less than the paper it was printed on. Medical Office Management.....yeah, the local doctors weren't even looking for a filing clerk and they didn't offer benefits or retirement or anything at all other than a dollar or two over the minimum wage and a decent shift. So I went back into retail and used the management aspect to have a 12 year career in retail management, culminating in running a RadioShack. Then I had a baby, and my marriage failed and I was a single mom, and life went right to shit. Working six day weeks, eight to twelve hours a day, an hours drive each way, really wasn't working for me. Right about then is when I met the man who is now my husband.
Over the years, I stopped working in retail and took on jobs with bankers hours. Eventually I worked at home, and eventually I was just a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom). At different times I've picked up part time jobs for extra cash, and provided day care for the children of my friends over the years. But all the children are growing up, now, and don't need a nanny anymore. The thought of going back into retail makes me weep. Over the last four years I have been steadily applying for positions at three of the four local colleges, focusing on one in particular with the idea that my son would not have to pay tuition if I worked there but also because I really like it there. It's a beautiful place full of old buildings and tall trees and people who seem genuinely happy to be there. In all that time, I've had one interview. I have a folder of depressing rejection letters. It's just not happening. I have the skills they need and want, and I have the ability to communicate that to them, but I'm not getting through.
Over the last three to four months, since the last of the children I watched has gone on to other places, I have been looking at all the job sites. I've been watching the regular listings, watching local papers where smaller business like to advertise so they don't get bombarded with applicants, and asking around. Basically, there are a lot of opportunities in retail, in food service, and in direct people care such as CNA jobs and the ARC centers. These all pay very low level wages for what is actually not easy work, despite the common stereotypes. The rest of the listings are for professional positions requiring specific degrees in specific fields, the majority of which are medical. None of which are Associate degrees, most of which aren't even Bachelor degrees. Hell, they aren't even Masters degrees. Most of them are PhDs. If you want a nice, quiet, peaceful place to live and raise a family, and you have a major degree that took you until you were nearly 30 to earn, this is a place to look at!!!
In 2008, the local General Motors Foundry, at which my husband worked, closed its doors. Thanks to my husband's foresight, it came as no real surprise to us and he collected two whole weeks of unemployment before starting a new career as a 911 Dispatcher for our county. A steady job, a good job, but a blow to him as he was used to making quite a bit more money....it was about a 65% pay cut. Imagine cutting your household income by 65% gross. Just think about that for a minute. It was brutal. It took years to get used to. Only now are we on an even keel;, only now, all these years later, are we able to pay all our bills when they're due (more or less), buy gas, get groceries, and still be able to get other things that we WANT.
Yesterday, the other local production company, the one that this town became what it is because of, ALCOA, announced that it's not only NOT updating one of the plants, but closing it and the other one, to boot. There will be 487 people out of work by the end of the first quarter of 2016. And from what I'm hearing they are not offering buy outs or transfers or early retirements. My heart goes out to my friends and neighbors who are ALL affected by this, either directly or indirectly. This is a major blow to our community.
What this means to me, personally, is that the local economy is going to tank for a few years, at least. It means that there will be nearly 500 people, over the course of the next year, also looking for "good" jobs, then eventually looking for ANY jobs. Many of them will either move out of the area entirely, or live on a combination of the shit jobs available and assistance, through no fault of their own, but because that's what they'll be left with. This means that my chances of getting a "good" job just evaporated, in part because my need is much, much lesser than that of many of the people who are about to be looking for the same positions. My family doesn't NEED to me work; their families will need them to work. And that's that.
I'm so tired of the rejection letters. And I'm tired of never even getting that far with half the places I've applied at. I'm tired of hanging out with my dogs and cats, to the point that I talk to them and not only do they seem to understand me, but I'm starting to understand them, too. And I'm tired of not being able to get out and do much of anything, because the little pittance I was earning has dried up and I can't replace it, not even with part time work. It's time to suck it up and do that thing that I've always swore I wasn't going to do, then thought, well, maybe I'll do it when I retire, then kept it in the back of my head that it's something I'm ALREADY DOING and just don't have the paperwork to prove I'm capable and should be paid for it. It's time to go back to school.
{insert dramatic music in minor key}
My best friend said how exciting it is. I'm trying to look at it from her point of view, because her optimism is a good thing. Mostly I feel nauseous, with a good dollop of trepidation thrown in. When I told my husband he was just blown away and took a full day to formulate the serious questions about finances, timing, and just WHY. All of which I explained and addressed, only to leave him still freaked out, but with an understanding of it. Greeaaaaat. My father nodded and listened. My mother told me it was about time, offered to help if and when I needed help, which I'm sure I will. My son, at 15 in 10th grade, was nonplussed and said he's really unaffected by it. I explained he'd have to do his own college the hard way like everybody else, and he laughed and said, okay. My online group is full of well wishes and assurances that I've got this, which they're right....I totally do. And I love having the cheering section. I'm going to really need it over the next decade!! lol!!!
The thing is, if I'm going to subject myself to school at 42 years old, then I'm not going it in half measures. I'm not going to go get another degree in a field I have no interest in to get a job I hate doing for the rest of my working years. Oh, HELL no. I'm going to be a therapist. I'm going to get a Bachelor's degree, then I'm going to follow that bad boy up with a Master's degree, and then I'm going to take a few more years and get a PhD because that's how we roll. Because if I'm doing this thing, then I'm doing what I want and I'm taking it all the freaking way, this time.
So today I called my high school guidance office and tomorrow they will send out my transcripts. I called BSBI and because I graduated SO long ago, I had to print off a specific for to send them to request transcripts, which I did today, also. While I wait for these bits of paper to arrive at their destination, I will fill out the online application for transfer students. Despite it being literally 20 years, I am actually considered a transfer student. I'm hopeful that that means something from my previous college will, indeed, count toward this go round and reduce my overall time. I also plan to knock off courses during the summers, when possible. Hubby's union, CSEA, has a handful of various grants available, and there are all sorts of programs out there. Hopefully, I'll be able to get everything covered and not have to take on more student loan debt....especially since I only just paid off the last ones. (Seriously, in May of 2015....)
It's possible that, due to various circumstances, I may have to wait a semester to start on campus classes, and may have to start with some online ones. There are things that I may need to get taken care of before I'm completely free to be a full time student. And if that's the case, so be it. But I'm doing this thing. The decision is made. Oh. My. GODS.
Where's my wine.....?
Over the years, I stopped working in retail and took on jobs with bankers hours. Eventually I worked at home, and eventually I was just a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom). At different times I've picked up part time jobs for extra cash, and provided day care for the children of my friends over the years. But all the children are growing up, now, and don't need a nanny anymore. The thought of going back into retail makes me weep. Over the last four years I have been steadily applying for positions at three of the four local colleges, focusing on one in particular with the idea that my son would not have to pay tuition if I worked there but also because I really like it there. It's a beautiful place full of old buildings and tall trees and people who seem genuinely happy to be there. In all that time, I've had one interview. I have a folder of depressing rejection letters. It's just not happening. I have the skills they need and want, and I have the ability to communicate that to them, but I'm not getting through.
Over the last three to four months, since the last of the children I watched has gone on to other places, I have been looking at all the job sites. I've been watching the regular listings, watching local papers where smaller business like to advertise so they don't get bombarded with applicants, and asking around. Basically, there are a lot of opportunities in retail, in food service, and in direct people care such as CNA jobs and the ARC centers. These all pay very low level wages for what is actually not easy work, despite the common stereotypes. The rest of the listings are for professional positions requiring specific degrees in specific fields, the majority of which are medical. None of which are Associate degrees, most of which aren't even Bachelor degrees. Hell, they aren't even Masters degrees. Most of them are PhDs. If you want a nice, quiet, peaceful place to live and raise a family, and you have a major degree that took you until you were nearly 30 to earn, this is a place to look at!!!
In 2008, the local General Motors Foundry, at which my husband worked, closed its doors. Thanks to my husband's foresight, it came as no real surprise to us and he collected two whole weeks of unemployment before starting a new career as a 911 Dispatcher for our county. A steady job, a good job, but a blow to him as he was used to making quite a bit more money....it was about a 65% pay cut. Imagine cutting your household income by 65% gross. Just think about that for a minute. It was brutal. It took years to get used to. Only now are we on an even keel;, only now, all these years later, are we able to pay all our bills when they're due (more or less), buy gas, get groceries, and still be able to get other things that we WANT.
Yesterday, the other local production company, the one that this town became what it is because of, ALCOA, announced that it's not only NOT updating one of the plants, but closing it and the other one, to boot. There will be 487 people out of work by the end of the first quarter of 2016. And from what I'm hearing they are not offering buy outs or transfers or early retirements. My heart goes out to my friends and neighbors who are ALL affected by this, either directly or indirectly. This is a major blow to our community.
What this means to me, personally, is that the local economy is going to tank for a few years, at least. It means that there will be nearly 500 people, over the course of the next year, also looking for "good" jobs, then eventually looking for ANY jobs. Many of them will either move out of the area entirely, or live on a combination of the shit jobs available and assistance, through no fault of their own, but because that's what they'll be left with. This means that my chances of getting a "good" job just evaporated, in part because my need is much, much lesser than that of many of the people who are about to be looking for the same positions. My family doesn't NEED to me work; their families will need them to work. And that's that.
I'm so tired of the rejection letters. And I'm tired of never even getting that far with half the places I've applied at. I'm tired of hanging out with my dogs and cats, to the point that I talk to them and not only do they seem to understand me, but I'm starting to understand them, too. And I'm tired of not being able to get out and do much of anything, because the little pittance I was earning has dried up and I can't replace it, not even with part time work. It's time to suck it up and do that thing that I've always swore I wasn't going to do, then thought, well, maybe I'll do it when I retire, then kept it in the back of my head that it's something I'm ALREADY DOING and just don't have the paperwork to prove I'm capable and should be paid for it. It's time to go back to school.
{insert dramatic music in minor key}
My best friend said how exciting it is. I'm trying to look at it from her point of view, because her optimism is a good thing. Mostly I feel nauseous, with a good dollop of trepidation thrown in. When I told my husband he was just blown away and took a full day to formulate the serious questions about finances, timing, and just WHY. All of which I explained and addressed, only to leave him still freaked out, but with an understanding of it. Greeaaaaat. My father nodded and listened. My mother told me it was about time, offered to help if and when I needed help, which I'm sure I will. My son, at 15 in 10th grade, was nonplussed and said he's really unaffected by it. I explained he'd have to do his own college the hard way like everybody else, and he laughed and said, okay. My online group is full of well wishes and assurances that I've got this, which they're right....I totally do. And I love having the cheering section. I'm going to really need it over the next decade!! lol!!!
The thing is, if I'm going to subject myself to school at 42 years old, then I'm not going it in half measures. I'm not going to go get another degree in a field I have no interest in to get a job I hate doing for the rest of my working years. Oh, HELL no. I'm going to be a therapist. I'm going to get a Bachelor's degree, then I'm going to follow that bad boy up with a Master's degree, and then I'm going to take a few more years and get a PhD because that's how we roll. Because if I'm doing this thing, then I'm doing what I want and I'm taking it all the freaking way, this time.
So today I called my high school guidance office and tomorrow they will send out my transcripts. I called BSBI and because I graduated SO long ago, I had to print off a specific for to send them to request transcripts, which I did today, also. While I wait for these bits of paper to arrive at their destination, I will fill out the online application for transfer students. Despite it being literally 20 years, I am actually considered a transfer student. I'm hopeful that that means something from my previous college will, indeed, count toward this go round and reduce my overall time. I also plan to knock off courses during the summers, when possible. Hubby's union, CSEA, has a handful of various grants available, and there are all sorts of programs out there. Hopefully, I'll be able to get everything covered and not have to take on more student loan debt....especially since I only just paid off the last ones. (Seriously, in May of 2015....)
It's possible that, due to various circumstances, I may have to wait a semester to start on campus classes, and may have to start with some online ones. There are things that I may need to get taken care of before I'm completely free to be a full time student. And if that's the case, so be it. But I'm doing this thing. The decision is made. Oh. My. GODS.
Where's my wine.....?
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